View Full Version : Most embarrassing/unexpected accident?
Blue_SV650S
13-11-06, 08:13 PM
Ok this thread is not for nasty accidents, just ones that happened rather embarrassingly or in an unlikely situation …
To start it off I managed to dislocate my index finger whilst shopping for clothes … that was NOT cool :lol:
I was working in Cardiff about ten years ago and was staying in a B+B, went out on the razz with the lads I was working with and got in a sorry state!!! The B+B didn't have on suit toilets they where in the hall, for some reason I needed to go it was late at night there was no one around so I didn't bother putting any clothes on. Well I locked myself out of my room and had to get the landlady to unlock it for me :oops: I wasn't aloud to forget that one for a while :oops: :oops:
Alpinestarhero
13-11-06, 08:23 PM
I was climbing off the back of my dads gsxr750 (a 1992 one) a few years back, and caused him to drop the bike
In our defence, the road was heavily cambered towards the curb...
Matt
Biker Biggles
13-11-06, 08:25 PM
Back in the days when motorbikes(BSA Bantam)did'nt go very fast but also had little in the way of brakes,I managed to run into the back of a stationary car in a queue.I promptly fell off,but the woman in the car did'nt notice I'd hit her and just drove on.While I was dusting myself down and picking up the bike I noticed the occupant of the car behind me get out-----wearing a police uniform. :shock: As it seemed there had been no damage to anyone,he made a few choice remarks and left. :oops:
philipMac
13-11-06, 08:29 PM
I was found in the middle of a field, in the next county from where I lived, unconscious, hammered drunk, covered in morning dew, with nothing to keep me warm but the nice pool of puke I had thoughtfully lain down in.
I was Dragged into a van, driven to where my wallet said I lived, and deposited on the old mans door step.
How I ended up in the middle of a cow field was unclear.
Not one of my finer moments.
philipMac
13-11-06, 08:31 PM
Back in the days when motorbikes(BSA Bantam)did'nt go very fast but also had little in the way of brakes,I managed to run into the back of a stationary car in a queue.I promptly fell off,but the woman in the car did'nt notice I'd hit her and just drove on.While I was dusting myself down and picking up the bike I noticed the occupant of the car behind me get out-----wearing a police uniform. :shock: As it seemed there had been no damage to anyone,he made a few choice remarks and left. :oops:
Oh man. That rules. :lol:
Apophes
13-11-06, 08:33 PM
probs mine was many years ago on 350lc quick wheelie followed by a nice stoppie past local pub loads of peeps outside
came to a stop went to put foot down to which i found my trainer lace was well wrapped round peg
me and bike fall slowly to the left
plenty of cheers that day
:oops: :oops: :oops: :oops:
I dont think it gets any more "nasty" than this:
Standing at the bus stop a couple of years ago, waiting for the last bus home after a curry and some beers.
Needed to trump, so I let rip.........and shat myself, at the bus stop.
:oops: :oops: :oops: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Warthog
13-11-06, 08:40 PM
LMAO!
Man this thread is quality! I don't think I have done any embarrassing injuries, but keep yours coming! :lol:
Blue_SV650S
13-11-06, 08:44 PM
I dont think it gets any more "nasty" than this:
Standing at the bus stop a couple of years ago, waiting for the last bus home after a curry and some beers.
Needed to trump, so I let rip.........and sh4t myself, at the bus stop.
:oops: :oops: :oops: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
:winner: That is the sort of thing I was after .... pure class my man!!! :lol:
philipMac
13-11-06, 08:54 PM
Thread over. 10 points for Tricky.
Oh man. Follow through. Always hilarious. I hope there were a number of witnesses, and I hope you just got on the bus like nothing happened?
Please tell me you just carried on like normal. Please.
Blue_SV650S
13-11-06, 09:01 PM
Thread over. 10 points for Tricky.
Oh man. Follow through. Always hilarious. I hope there were a number of witnesses, and I hope you just got on the bus like nothing happened?
Please tell me you just carried on like normal. Please.
Yeah, I mean like what do you do in that situation, you still gotta get home ... ?!?!? :lol:
valleyboy
13-11-06, 09:04 PM
I wouldnt want to sit down in that situation.. but standing up would also bring its own problems to run down your leg as well... :lol:
Blue_SV650S
13-11-06, 09:10 PM
I wouldnt want to sit down in that situation.. but standing up would also bring its own problems to run down your leg as well... :lol:
Quite .... not in such a hilarious situation, but I have done a sha-rt before myself ... in my leathers on the move ... I just pulled over to a convenient coutrysided bush, de-togged and used my pants to make the best of a bad job ... then chucked them away ... took my t-shirt off and used them as tempory pants (so as not to soil the leathers :oops:) :lol:
Needless to say I ALWAYS carry a bog roll in my rucksack now ... this is a 100% true story BTW ... I even have a bogroll in my van ... its not just Sharts, but 'getting caught short' .... believe me you never get caught out twice with that sort of thing!!!! :lol:
Nothing of the *ahem* quality of the above posts, but once lost the rear of my CX500 coming round the right hander outside Buckingham Palace on a fresh, wet load of horse **** from the changing of the guards. Managed to hold it up, but must have showered some sightseers! :twisted:
philipMac
13-11-06, 09:23 PM
A Dublin courier mate of mine had leathers with a broken fly.
So.. he wakes up in some young ones house, and realises he is meant to be in work. So, sprints down the stairs searching for leathers, lid, etc but couldnt find one sock, and one pair of jocks.
So he is out and about, doing the deliveries, with a clip or something holding the zip together. The day wears on, cold day, rain, draughty. Arrives back home and realises the clip is AWOL.
Months later he was still getting laughed out of the building by secretaries, waiving goodbye to him with their little finger.
Thread over. 10 points for Tricky.
Oh man. Follow through. Always hilarious. I hope there were a number of witnesses, and I hope you just got on the bus like nothing happened?
Please tell me you just carried on like normal. Please.
Yeah, I mean like what do you do in that situation, you still gotta get home ... ?!?!? :lol:
Yep got on the bus and went home, I felt sorry for the guy who's job it was to clean the bus (fabric seats).
I had a three quarter length coat on, so you couldn't actually see the the big stain on the back of my kecks. People on the bus must have known though 'cos it absolutely reeked.
On my stag night in 1993 Munster in Germany, Got very merry to a point where I passed out.
I found myself stark bollock naked on a train with a ball and chain around my ankle with the word Berlin in marker pen on my forehead....
I wouldn't have minded but you had to change trains twice and I didn't have a ticket or money...
northwind
13-11-06, 10:44 PM
Let's see... I've survived bike crashes at 70mph completely unscathed, but broke my hip while walking, I've trapped myself under a 125cc Virago in my garage, been crushed by a load of 8x4 plywood flats (damaged knee ligaments), fallen off a moving bus onto the top of a parked car, and ridden a pushbike head on into a (different) parked car at about 20mph while watching the shadows my wheels were casting beside me, been trapped in a bus door by the arm as it pulled away, making me run along beside it till he heard me, I've superglued a plastic orc to my face, tried to stand up in a room with a 4-foot high ceiling despite having been in it for half an hour and split my head open, then half an hour later did it again, and I've hit myself in the forehead with a hammer.
But at least I've not s*** myself recently. You guys :roll:
Godikus
13-11-06, 10:47 PM
Let's see... I've survived bike crashes at 70mph completely unscathed, but broke my hip while walking, I've trapped myself under a 125cc Virago in my garage, been crushed by a load of 8x4 plywood flats (damaged knee ligaments), fallen off a moving bus onto the top of a parked car, and ridden a pushbike head on into a (different) parked car at about 20mph while watching the shadows my wheels were casting beside me, been trapped in a bus door by the arm as it pulled away, making me run along beside it till he heard me, I've superglued a plastic orc to my face, tried to stand up in a room with a 4-foot high ceiling despite having been in it for half an hour and split my head open, then half an hour later did it again, and I've hit myself in the forehead with a hammer.
But at least I've not s*** myself recently. You guys :roll:
Wasn't there also a power drill incident? :lol:
philipMac
13-11-06, 10:52 PM
Ah yeah. The old superglueing the plastic orc to your face one.
Can happen to the best of us.
I had my wieney caught in my zipper when I was a youngfla. Not nearly as funny as you would think it is.
northwind
13-11-06, 10:56 PM
There's been a few power drill incidents, but none really good enough to make the cut ;) Everyone's got power tool incidents.
There's been a few power drill incidents, but none really good enough to make the cut ;) Everyone's got power tool incidents.
Here's mine, While fitting some drought excluder to an aluminum door frame the drill bit snapped and went through my thumb, I couldn't pull it out because it had past through my nail so I put the drill into reverse to remove it!! That hurt :cry:
I slashed my chin open with a tape gun, trying to tape a box up and didn't realise the tape had run out. Tugged to hard and it snapped, flying back and slashing my chin on the toothed edge.
Blood everywhere, hair doesn't grow where it slashed.
When I left school I got an apprenticeship as a mechanic at the Rolls Royce dealership in Nottingham (Mann Egerton on Derby Road in Lenton, closed some years ago).
Anyway, anyone that has ever worked in garage will know that when you drain the oil out of a car, you empty it into a "drainer", which is basically a 40 gallon drum, on wheels, with a big funnel on top.
When the drainer is full you connect a pipe to the top (which is connected to a big tank outside) plug in an air line, and the compressed air pushes out all the oil.
Anyway I'd been there a week or so and I'd been helping service some cars draining the old oil out.
After a while my "drainer" was full and needed emptying. So I wheels it over to the emptying area connects the waste pipe and the air line and goes of to eat my lunch.
Came back after lunch, disconnected the air and left it for 10 minutes while it depressurized.
Then I came back to take the waste pipe off. Unfortunately nobody told me that the drainer I had been using all day was knackered and neither emptied or de-pressurized properly.
So when I took the waste pipe of the top, it erupted a twenty foot high gusher drowning me in 40 gallons of used engine oil.
If this wasn't bad enough, there was a brand new Silver Spirit about 3 feet behind me which had just been PDI'ed and was just waiting for its number plates to be attached so it could be delivered to the customer, now just a big black blob.
Reckless Rat
14-11-06, 08:59 AM
Going for a wee after chopping fresh chillies... incredible pain :shock: , which seemed to get worse for jumping in the shower to try to wash it off!
RR
As a nipper I was rollerskating (yes skates...not blades) down this road(about 20 degree incline) and at the bottom it had a 90 degree bend. I made it around the corner at terminal velocity but failed to see the raised manhole on the other side. I hit the mahole and went flying into the kerb and put 3 of my bottom teeth through about 1cm below my bottom lip.
Kilted Ginger
14-11-06, 09:32 AM
I had to replace some slates on my roof and didnt own a roof ladder so i placed a normal ladder flat up the roof with its bottom rung tied to the top of a ladder from the ground acting as its anchor point. I had also tied a rope to the top rung of the "roof ladder" over the apex off the roof and attached it to an immovable object (clothes pole, not car tow bar)
Had given this serious consideration, vertical force applied to "roof ladder" as oposed to force required to cause it to slide off roof etc and was fairly confident.
Had my "mate :roll: " standing counterbalancing the bottom of the vertical ladder.
Worked away for about 40 mins all broken slates replaced, lowered all tools down and had just untied rope to remove ladder from roof when another mate walked past the front of the house.
First mate forgot what he was doing and walked to fence to talk to second mate at which point the "roof ladder" began its ever quickening descent off the roof with me still attached
Somehow managed to grab gutter and stop slide with about 4 inches of ladder still on roof.
Both mates now grabbed vertical ladder which had now passed vertical and was leaning about 20 degs away from house.
I had to swing off "roof ladder" holding only guttering and one foot onto drainpipe (old cast iron type) to allow them to tilt the ladder further away from the house and let the "roof ladder"swing down then put main ladder back against house allowing me to climb down. By the time i got down i was too shaken and relieved to be angry with mate who was almost crying in apology.
Thankfully the guttering was cast iron and held and even more thankfully I was a lot younger, fitter (and lighter) than now or the outcome would have been very different.
I've been wearing hiking boots (ample ankle protection) and put my 2yr old down to change his nappy. Ended up on crutches for 3 weeks (and no riding :|) due to a severely sprained ankle.
Let's see... I've survived bike crashes at 70mph completely unscathed, but broke my hip while walking, I've trapped myself under a 125cc Virago in my garage, been crushed by a load of 8x4 plywood flats (damaged knee ligaments), fallen off a moving bus onto the top of a parked car, and ridden a pushbike head on into a (different) parked car at about 20mph while watching the shadows my wheels were casting beside me, been trapped in a bus door by the arm as it pulled away, making me run along beside it till he heard me, I've superglued a plastic orc to my face, tried to stand up in a room with a 4-foot high ceiling despite having been in it for half an hour and split my head open, then half an hour later did it again, and I've hit myself in the forehead with a hammer.
But at least I've not s*** myself recently. You guys :roll:
My friends used to call me "Lucky Rich" because of all the stupid stuff that I did/happened to me, but now I feel I must pass the crown to you :notworthy:
fizzwheel
14-11-06, 09:54 AM
I was riding my pushbike along the road and I turned round to shout abuse at some kids who were tormenting me and didnt notice the police car parked on the side of the road which I then road straight into with a nice arty tumble I landed on the bonnet :oops:
And then there was the time I was giving young lady a piggy back across the road ( don't ask we were both drunk ) I lost my balance and tripped over. I couldnt put my hands out to save myself so I feel straight onto my head, breaking my glasses and cutting my head open and had to go to casualty :oops:
And then there was the time I was trying to do a trick on my skateboard, which I got a bit wrong and it flipped up and hit me in the face, which put my bottom row of teeth through my top lip and my top row of teeth through my bottom lip and broke one of my top front teeth off. :oops: :oops:
timwilky
14-11-06, 10:01 AM
The wifes escort had failed its MOT because of a corrosion hole in the bulk head being to close to the brake cylinder. So weld it up time.
Happily welding away when the wife came running out the house saying why was the back widow turning black.
Doh sound foam behind the dash had caught fire. Nothing a quick squirt with the hosepipe did not fix.
so later that day it passes its MOT. Thought nothing about it, the guy had lifted the bonnet. Checked my welded patch. Closed it and wrote out the ticket and I drove away.
Next day I am on the A50 between near Utoxeter when the mobile rings. It is the wife. She was on her way up the M6 doing about 80 in the outside lane when the bonnet blew open. Wrapped itself round the roof. she fortunately was not hurt and had managed to drive blind onto the hard shoulder. Turned round and few the 120 miles back as fast as I could. My brother had recovered her car.
Whilst we blamed the MOT station for not closing the bonnet properly, the previous day, they denied responsibility and I had to claim on my insurance. Lynne had never driven since. That is about 8 years now.
I broke my shoulder on my honeymoon (2 days in) - My (now ex) husband tried to trip me up on the beach and as i went down i turned to swear at him and landed on my shoulder - resulting in 3 hours in casualty and 3 pain killing injections in my backside
Kilted Ginger
14-11-06, 10:18 AM
I broke my shoulder on my honeymoon (2 days in) - My (now ex) husband tried to trip me up on the beach and as i went down i turned to swear at him and landed on my shoulder - resulting in 3 hours in casualty and 3 pain killing injections in my backside
That was nice of him did he last the honeymoon, or was he a very quick ex??
I broke my shoulder on my honeymoon (2 days in) - My (now ex) husband tried to trip me up on the beach and as i went down i turned to swear at him and landed on my shoulder - resulting in 3 hours in casualty and 3 pain killing injections in my backside
That was nice of him did he last the honeymoon, or was he a very quick ex??
quick Ex - 3.5 years
While at a Fun fair in Leeds Town Centre I took a 5ft stuffed cow and the 2 gold fish that I had just won onto the child's ghost train (I was giving them a treat). While acting the fool I fell out of the carriage taking stuffed heifer and the 2 small aquatic creatures with me. Being the selfless chap that I am and knowing that; what was essentially a Tescos sandwich bag filled with water would be able to offer little in the way of protection to my new found swim buddies, I sacrificed myself by choosing to use my head to break my fall, my arms were preoccupied saving the fish!! As my skull crashed in the steel checker plate walk board I somehow forward rolled and ended up sat bolt upright on the top step of the exit gate with fish still in bag in the one hand and 5ft stuffed Frisian sat next to me on the other. A round of applause and many a giggle later from the large crowds I offered a small bow and I took my leave.
No injury was sustained. . . . . . . . . . . . . it's odd how alcohol makes you so ply-able!!??!!
My brother used to have an Mobilette (or similar) field bike.
On one occasion he (somehow) managed to get the front wheel off the ground.
This was a mistake as it fell out, the forks dug in the ground and catapulted him over the bars, head first into a concrete fence post.
He ended up with a bad headache and a shiner.
He probably owes his life to our Mum, who was never happy with us bombing around the wasteground behind our house on £10 death traps, but would let us on condition that we always wore a helmet.
Most of mine involve not looking where i was going!!
1st off. caused £800 worth of damage to my XR2. Rolling downhill in a queue of traffic, myself, and has it turns out, the 4 cars in front of me, observed an unbelievable young lady get out of her merc convertable, in not much more than a bikini and very short skirt...the inevitable happened, We all crashed into each other! She even gave a wry smile...evil...pure evil
2nd. I walked into a phone box on Charing cross road, again in the summer, whilst looking and a female of the species walking down the other side of the street. The blok in the phone box was in fits of laughter...2 secs later i fell down the kerb as well!
3rdly. Watching a plane take off from Biggin hill during an Air show, i walked, very hard into one of those short stubby lampposts....knocked myself out.
timwilky
14-11-06, 11:04 AM
Apparently when I was about two years old, I had taken a dislike to the local coppers son.
He was a bigger boy and could ride a proper bike. So when he rode a full speed past the gates to my house I ran out and put a garden cane into his front wheel. He apparently perfected an instant stoppie but over cooked it and bit the dust.
The local copper was not pleased his perfect 6 year old being mangled and predicted I would one day end up behind bars. Does this mean that he thought me perfect landlord material?.
Well I have listed in other threads silly accidents like When I almost put a 9mm lump of lead into my head, when I ran into low slung chains with my hands in my pockets and slid down the road on my nose/chin.
but for the mechanically minded another silly.
My father had bought a brand new car and asked me to underseal it. A body schutz (http://products3.3m.com/catalog/us/en001/auto_marine_aero/automotive_aftermarket/node_GSYQLRLTGTgs/root_GST1T4S9TCgv/vroot_GSLPLPKL4Xge/bgel_PSM6K102PFbl/gvel_6DTWTJQPBBgl/theme_us_aad_3_0/command_AbcPageHandler/output_html) gun is a very simple device and consists of a venturi to induce a small vacuum in the can of sealant and to suck out the gunge to spray onto body panels. Well chatting to the old man as I sprayed this rubberised gunge I wasn't concentrating on the business end and accidently made contact between the end of the gun and the car. At which point there wasn't enough room for the gunge to come out. The can of gunge then pressurised and exploded covering me the garage and the 3 day old car in underseal. it must have taken weeks to clean up
Blue_SV650S
14-11-06, 11:21 AM
While at a Fun fair in Leeds Town Centre I took a 5ft stuffed cow and the 2 gold fish that I had just won onto the child's ghost train (I was giving them a treat). While acting the fool I fell out of the carriage taking stuffed heifer and the 2 small aquatic creatures with me. Being the selfless chap that I am and knowing that; what was essentially a Tescos sandwich bag filled with water would be able to offer little in the way of protection to my new found swim buddies, I sacrificed myself by choosing to use my head to break my fall, my arms were preoccupied saving the fish!! As my skull crashed in the steel checker plate walk board I somehow forward rolled and ended up sat bolt upright on the top step of the exit gate with fish still in bag in the one hand and 5ft stuffed Frisian sat next to me on the other. A round of applause and many a giggle later from the large crowds I offered a small bow and I took my leave.
No injury was sustained. . . . . . . . . . . . . it's odd how alcohol makes you so ply-able!!??!!
I can picture you now, another class act :)
Oh and it is a well known fact that the more 'relaxed' you are the less likely you are to get injured ...
Not as good as previous but vv embrassing!
Set the scene - in the pub on a saturday night dressed as a goth with a new corset on. Goes to toilets for the business trying to stand however i lose my balance smash my head of the door and can't right myself due to my restricting garments. needles to say i was there for while and had a lovely large red lump on my forehead for the rest of the night. Worst bit I'd only had 2 drinks :?
Ceri JC
14-11-06, 11:59 AM
Walking out of work I managed to KO myself by walking into a window. :oops:
Still, 2 weeks off work mid-summer as a result, can't fault it. :wink:
I had to replace some slates on my roof and didnt own a roof ladder so i placed a normal ladder flat up the roof with its bottom rung tied to the top of a ladder from the ground acting as its anchor point. I had also tied a rope to the top rung of the "roof ladder" over the apex off the roof and attached it to an immovable object (clothes pole, not car tow bar)
Had given this serious consideration, vertical force applied to "roof ladder" as oposed to force required to cause it to slide off roof etc and was fairly confident.
Had my "mate :roll: " standing counterbalancing the bottom of the vertical ladder.
Worked away for about 40 mins all broken slates replaced, lowered all tools down and had just untied rope to remove ladder from roof when another mate walked past the front of the house.
First mate forgot what he was doing and walked to fence to talk to second mate at which point the "roof ladder" began its ever quickening descent off the roof with me still attached
Somehow managed to grab gutter and stop slide with about 4 inches of ladder still on roof.
Both mates now grabbed vertical ladder which had now passed vertical and was leaning about 20 degs away from house.
I had to swing off "roof ladder" holding only guttering and one foot onto drainpipe (old cast iron type) to allow them to tilt the ladder further away from the house and let the "roof ladder"swing down then put main ladder back against house allowing me to climb down. By the time i got down i was too shaken and relieved to be angry with mate who was almost crying in apology.
Thankfully the guttering was cast iron and held and even more thankfully I was a lot younger, fitter (and lighter) than now or the outcome would have been very different.
how many slates did this break? :roll:
Stupid 1
While riding my pedal bike with a 3 speed sturmey archer gear shift (who can remember them) on the RH bar I had a thought, "could I still change gear if I broke my right arm?"
So right arm off the handle bar and into "sling position", left hand to right hand bar, tried to change gear and/or steer and fell straight off! Not the brightest thing I've ever done
Stupid 2
Went fishing and fell asleep in the deck chair.
Woke up with a start because I thought I was falling into the lake.
Jumped up to save myself, only to find that my leg had gone to sleep
Fell into the lake!
SoulKiss
14-11-06, 12:40 PM
Stupid 1
While riding my pedal bike with a 3 speed sturmey archer gear shift (who can remember them) on the RH bar I had a thought, "could I still change gear if I broke my right arm?"
So right arm off the handle bar and into "sling position", left hand to right hand bar, tried to change gear and/or steer and fell straight off! Not the brightest thing I've ever done
Stupid 2
Went fishing and fell asleep in the deck chair.
Woke up with a start because I thought I was falling into the lake.
Jumped up to save myself, only to find that my leg had gone to sleep
Fell into the lake!
Ok so in 2 you accomplished what you tried not to do.
Did you breaj your right arm when testing the gear-shift?
:)
rpwoodman
14-11-06, 12:49 PM
While at a Fun fair in Leeds Town Centre I took a 5ft stuffed cow and the 2 gold fish that I had just won onto the child's ghost train (I was giving them a treat). While acting the fool I fell out of the carriage taking stuffed heifer and the 2 small aquatic creatures with me. Being the selfless chap that I am and knowing that; what was essentially a Tescos sandwich bag filled with water would be able to offer little in the way of protection to my new found swim buddies, I sacrificed myself by choosing to use my head to break my fall, my arms were preoccupied saving the fish!! As my skull crashed in the steel checker plate walk board I somehow forward rolled and ended up sat bolt upright on the top step of the exit gate with fish still in bag in the one hand and 5ft stuffed Frisian sat next to me on the other. A round of applause and many a giggle later from the large crowds I offered a small bow and I took my leave.
No injury was sustained. . . . . . . . . . . . . it's odd how alcohol makes you so ply-able!!??!!
Anything with a cow involved gets my vote on the humour front!
Stupid 1
While riding my pedal bike with a 3 speed sturmey archer gear shift (who can remember them) on the RH bar I had a thought, "could I still change gear if I broke my right arm?"
So right arm off the handle bar and into "sling position", left hand to right hand bar, tried to change gear and/or steer and fell straight off! Not the brightest thing I've ever done
Stupid 2
Went fishing and fell asleep in the deck chair.
Woke up with a start because I thought I was falling into the lake.
Jumped up to save myself, only to find that my leg had gone to sleep
Fell into the lake!
Ok so in 2 you accomplished what you tried not to do.
Did you breaj your right arm when testing the gear-shift?
:)
No, but there would have been something perversly satisfying if I had :lol:
1) Thankfully I've not been badly injured, but I hopped over a fence to cross the road a few years back while drunk. I thought it was about 2ft lower than the ground the other side, turned out to be about 6-8ft drop past ground level.... Dropped, hit the deck, rolled, walked on to other side and sorted the scuffed arm out with vodka later :wink:
As with Swiss, the booze stopped injury I'm sure of it :lol:
2) In front of a car full of mates went to pull away sharpish on a friend's bike and it made it about 3ft until the disc lock hit the caliper. Somehow I didn't drop the bike but was in really quite a bit of pain from my crotch which had taken the brunt of the impact. The bike's owner, watching from the car laughed himself silly :lol:
2) In front of a car full of mates went to pull away sharpish on a friend's bike and it made it about 3ft until the disc lock hit the caliper. Somehow I didn't drop the bike but was in really quite a bit of pain from my crotch which had taken the brunt of the impact. The bike's owner, watching from the car laughed himself silly :lol:
That reminds me...
...a couple of years ago a really hot girl started temping in my department. We were chatting during the day and it turns out she used to ride Moto-X back home in South Africa. I talk about my bike and she says she'd like to see it, so at the end of the day we go out into the car park together and check out the bike. I'm busy trying to smoothly ask her if she'd like to come to the pub after work on Friday. She says yes. My heart leaps with joy. She walks off accross the car park, I helmet up, jump on the bike, gun the engine, and attempt to drive off with the disk-lock still in place.
Managed to not drop the bike, and thankfully she didn't see it. Took me about 5 minutes to kick the knackered disk lock off, but nothing else was damaged apart from my pride.
As an interesting foot-note - the flirtation with the temp went on and on, for us to eventually get together the week before she moved back to South Africa. D'OH!
This thread is genius! GENIUS I say!
I've never had any silly accidents.
Filipe M.
14-11-06, 02:20 PM
This thread is genius! GENIUS I say!
I've never had any silly accidents.
True, the tazer thing was no accident, it was well planned! :lol:
Carsick
14-11-06, 02:25 PM
I've never had any silly accidents.
Me either :oops:
Dave The Rave
14-11-06, 06:07 PM
I had a similar sharty (**** combined with f4rt = shart right?) one.
Imagine the situation, plane packed full of holidaymakers. After few hours just before we land I hear this noise … grrrrhhhmmmmrrrghhh …. Loud as hell, and believe it or not, it was my own belly. I looked down and there was no more a six-pack, but big massive swollen mass. I knew something was seriously wrong. But the seatbelt sign was on and we were landing. Then landed, taxied over (it took half a year for the pilot to find the stand and another 6 months to open the door) and so on so on before we went out of the plane. By this point I was clinching my cheeks together, praying to God, Allah, Buddha basically to anyone not too f4rt. I had my lovely pure white City shorts and white undies. I could not risk any accidents. I was determined not to f4rt, not to move suddenly etc. We had to walk up a set of stairs and across immigration to desks. I was close to death, not talking to anyone not thinking, not breathing. Pass the immigration and run (with clenching my cheeks together so I must have looked like I had prosthetic limbs) to the toilet. I run like hell, I opened the door, I closed the door, I took my undies down and I sat on the toilet. Job done. Incredible sense of relief until I looked down. Massive and I mean massive brown stain on inside of mine underwear. Size of a plate, big massive plate to clarify the matter. I hoped for a split second that it didn’t go through onto my shorts. False hopes. It did and it was even bigger. I was petrified and confused. I am not sure how it happened; as I haven’t f4rted I am 100% sure about that. So after that I took my top off, hang it across the back of my shorts and made my way to collect the luggage. I looked like an idiot in shorts and topless (April). But I am sure that the people who were walking behind me up the steps must have seen the stain and possibly everyone else too. I wanted to disappear. Still get a bit uneasy just writing about it.
philipMac
14-11-06, 06:22 PM
I was taken to a circus when I was a kid... and I was sitting there, watching the clowns and things, and that was grand.
Then they opened the tent, and in walked 5 horses wearing little sparkly jacket things, which preceded to start running around in the circus ring.
I looked at my parents, with horror:
"Dad, some horses have gotten in!"
"That's ok Philip :)"
"No, look they are inside, look! Mum! Look, horses, INSIDE"
"I know, that's right. It's fine, just watch them Philip, its fine."
Now, I was having none of this. God knows what these horses were going to do, running amok inside this tent. No one seemed to have noticed... my mind boggled. So, I stood up on the chair, and let out a roar:
"HORSES HAVE GOTTEN INTO THE TENT!!, SOMEBODY GET THEM OUT", followed by my roaring "OUT OUT OUT" and gesticulating where the exit was in a manner that would bring a tear to Adolf Hitler's eye.
I tell you. I wasn't happy at all.
Warthog
14-11-06, 06:58 PM
I had a similar sharty (sh*t combined with f4rt = shart right?) one.
Imagine the situation, plane packed full of holidaymakers. After few hours just before we land I hear this noise … grrrrhhhmmmmrrrghhh …. Loud as hell, and believe it or not, it was my own belly. I looked down and there was no more a six-pack, but big massive swollen mass. I knew something was seriously wrong. But the seatbelt sign was on and we were landing. Then landed, taxied over (it took half a year for the pilot to find the stand and another 6 months to open the door) and so on so on before we went out of the plane. By this point I was clinching my cheeks together, praying to God, Allah, Buddha basically to anyone not too f4rt. I had my lovely pure white City shorts and white undies. I could not risk any accidents. I was determined not to f4rt, not to move suddenly etc. We had to walk up a set of stairs and across immigration to desks. I was close to death, not talking to anyone not thinking, not breathing. Pass the immigration and run (with clenching my cheeks together so I must have looked like I had prosthetic limbs) to the toilet. I run like hell, I opened the door, I closed the door, I took my undies down and I sat on the toilet. Job done. Incredible sense of relief until I looked down. Massive and I mean massive brown stain on inside of mine underwear. Size of a plate, big massive plate to clarify the matter. I hoped for a split second that it didn’t go through onto my shorts. False hopes. It did and it was even bigger. I was petrified and confused. I am not sure how it happened; as I haven’t f4rted I am 100% sure about that. So after that I took my top off, hang it across the back of my shorts and made my way to collect the luggage. I looked like an idiot in shorts and topless (April). But I am sure that the people who were walking behind me up the steps must have seen the stain and possibly everyone else too. I wanted to disappear. Still get a bit uneasy just writing about it.
Brilliant! Thank you for suffering to make me laugh so much hehe
valleyboy
14-11-06, 07:09 PM
Out drinking on my 21st birthday, had one or ten too many.. on way back to my mates house in Cardiff I attempted to jump over a small wall.. only about a foot tall... but in my drunken state my reactions werent as they would usualy be.... I caught my trailing foot while trying to hurdle said object.. resulting in me hitting the floor rather hard the other side.... top front teeth went through my lip, still got scar from that.. which is why my two front teeth are rather wonky.. as one of them effectively was all but knocked out, all that was holding it in was the root.... I cant remember much of the incident itself, as after drinking a pint of spirits, several aftershocks and a few absynths.... :lol: but my mates thought at first I had killed myself.. as they said, first thing they knew about it was seeing me jumping, hearing a massive crack sound.. and watching a rather large pool of blood form around my head as I lay on the ground face down...
and since that day 6 years ago to the weekend just gone, I have never gone out and drank that much ever again... my mates thought I was lucky to have survived what I drank that night, let alone my accident which got me a few hours in intensive care that night :oops:
Bluepete
14-11-06, 07:13 PM
Painting the barge boards on my Dads house in the middle of a hot summer. Wearing only shorts. Top of ladder, finish work, take a step back to admire the finish. :oops:
White spirit on the dangly bits to get the enamel paint of stings like f**k.
I had my most embarassing accident last week so it's still too fresh for me to re-hash it here. Ask me next year mebbe.
Dave The Rave
14-11-06, 07:29 PM
I had my most embarassing accident last week so it's still too fresh for me to re-hash it here. Ask me next year mebbe.
come on share it with us .... I did share mine and it was not particulalry a proudest moment of my life :?
Out drinking on my 21st birthday, had one or ten too many.. on way back to my mates house in Cardiff I attempted to jump over a small wall.. only about a foot tall... but in my drunken state my reactions werent as they would usualy be.... I caught my trailing foot while trying to hurdle said object.. resulting in me hitting the floor rather hard the other side.... top front teeth went through my lip, still got scar from that.. which is why my two front teeth are rather wonky.. as one of them effectively was all but knocked out, all that was holding it in was the root.... I cant remember much of the incident itself, as after drinking a pint of spirits, several aftershocks and a few absynths.... :lol: but my mates thought at first I had killed myself.. as they said, first thing they knew about it was seeing me jumping, hearing a massive crack sound.. and watching a rather large pool of blood form around my head as I lay on the ground face down...
and since that day 6 years ago to the weekend just gone, I have never gone out and drank that much ever again... my mates thought I was lucky to have survived what I drank that night, let alone my accident which got me a few hours in intensive care that night :oops:
AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAAHHA
AHAHA
AHA
HA
HA....
aaaaaaaaa..... and only Jambo and Joe will truely know why I laughed so much........ :(
valleyboy
14-11-06, 07:51 PM
That little incident cost me dearly as well... kinda went into my shell after that, and not come out since.. I cant really explain it, but it killed any confidence in doing anything I ever had... and its taken me 6 years to get some of that back. Im very quiet compared to what I use to be like before that day.. use to be a bubbly person, would talk to anyone about anything... now I cant even say boo to a ghost :(
That little incident cost me dearly as well... kinda went into my shell after that, and not come out since.. I cant really explain it, but it killed any confidence in doing anything I ever had... and its taken me 6 years to get some of that back. Im very quiet compared to what I use to be like before that day.. use to be a bubbly person, would talk to anyone about anything... now I cant even say boo to a ghost :(
:grouphug: hope you have a great birthday VB
philipMac
14-11-06, 08:08 PM
I had my most embarassing accident last week so it's still too fresh for me to re-hash it here. Ask me next year mebbe.
This might be for the best.
I would imagine that Razors standards of embarrassment would leave most of us in the shade.
Blue_SV650S
14-11-06, 10:39 PM
Ahh this thread has exceeded my wildest expectations ...
Why is it that I find the sharty incidents the funnyest?!!? ... my sense of humor I guess?!?! :oops: :lol:
It also seems that drink was involved in the majority of embarrassing incidents ... :? :o :D
valleyboy
14-11-06, 11:18 PM
Did I forget to mention I was eating through a straw for several weeks afterwards ? :lol: as well as not being able to talk as my jaw ached like hell for ages, as well as my lips being rather swollen...
one of my lecturers at the time thought I had been fighting in a rugby game... :lol:
Did I forget to mention I was eating through a straw for several weeks afterwards ? :lol: as well as not being able to talk as my jaw ached like hell for ages, as well as my lips being rather swollen...
one of my lecturers at the time thought I had been fighting in a rugby game... :lol:
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAA, oh the memories :oops:
*Racing my mate on our pushbike, she lost the first time, second time round she threw a big rock in front of bike..straight over the handelbars..top teeth through bottom lip and a cut all my chin open.
*Pet Gerbil bit THROUGH my finger, down to bone, my dad told me not to make such a fuss until he saw how deep it was! needless to say, i passed out!
*Cleaning up a broken glass in my room, slit my finger open-passed out :roll:
*Last year at home, STOOD on a glass framed picture by accident, trip to hospital to have toe stitched up. :oops:
*This year, trying to be clever, riding a friends horse with no saddle out on the road, wind blew a sign-made horse jump, i got thrown off and dragged across the road and up a gravel drive.(i was semi with it, so was holding onto reins hence why i got dragged)
YoungMan
14-11-06, 11:35 PM
Everyone seems to have had nice quickie accidents, my recent debacle was slow but no less embarrassing. :oops:
You see I had to go to the doctor’s again and I really didn’t want to. :(
A month back I’d had a prostate check-up, no problem apart from the deep embarrassment. I kept a close eye on the quack. You know, just in case he was gripping me with both hands.
And now I was returning, and the embarrassment was off the scale.
I’d bought some Cordura pants from Ace here in Norwich. They felt OK in the shop, but either they shrank, I grew, or vanity got the best of me – but they were ‘snug’. Leaping onto the bike snug just became tight. Gripping in fact. Below the waistband, but just above the old man.
So tight the thigh pockets were starting to fail at the inner corners.
But back to the Doctor’s.
Now around the same time a large bulging vein had appeared on the end of my shaft, worrying. :shock: So I’m straight on to Google. (Here’s a tip for your test, if you think you aren’t taking enough lifesaver looks over your shoulder, try surfing ‘Penile Dysfunction’ at work in an open plan office). :smt018
Not knowing all the Medical jargon, I concluded it was a blocked lymph duct. “Leave it alone and it will clear on 3 days” was the advice. Cause? Apparently brought on by excessive self-abuse or prolonged (possibly deviant) sexual activity. Not guilty your honour! But also not keen to share with doctor.
Well three days? Ha! Three WEEKS later and I’m still the man with the sensitive tool with the Alaska pipeline poking out of the ground. I’ve also got what appeared to be a piece of fishing line running down the length of the top of the old fella. :roll:
I’d have left it and hoped for the best. However my Frustrated Girlfriend is an ex-Nurse (bad enough) and one of her daughters is a Hospital Senior Houseman. So she’s threatening to let the sausage out of the bag, in a sharing, caring get-that-sucker-fixed way. Naturally, I didn’t want to be classed as a perverted w*nker by her kids, so off to the doctors and him on with gloves again.
“It looks like a thrombosis of the dorsal vein” he pronounced. He knew his stuff, a quick look at the internet (Google again) and he even got a name “Mondor’s Disease”.
Of course this time the cause was not only excessive self-abuse and ‘a bit of rough’ in the fecking department, but also possible over enthusiastic use of pervy clamps and S&M fetish equipment. (Believe me - I’m still innocent your honour! But does anyone listen?).
Back to work, back on the web, and back to Penile Dysfunction (got wing mirrors fitted to my monitor now, cuts down the whiplash) but now I knew the beast and its name is Mondor.
Turns out there is a case history there. The subject stated he had been wearing a ‘tight toolbelt’ (unfortunate I know) at work, but the Medics pooh-poohed that. “Too much perverted sex and w*nking with bulldog clips” they said. [-X
Since then I have got bigger pants from Ace and am happy to report all is well. The only things throbbing between my legs now are my SV and my Wee Twin Yamaha XSV125.
I guess the moral of this story is small pants, big tanks and long rides don’t mix.
I told the girlfriend Mondor was a famous porn star and she believed me.
(Now where did I put those Jazz mags and wood clamps…???)
lukemillar
14-11-06, 11:49 PM
My Dad was teaching me to weld (oxy acetylene) and I was getting on okay so he left me to it. Wanting to check out my handywork, I lifted up the mask with the burning torch still in my hand - burnt a line down the side of my head. Then, in a fit of panic/pain I drop the torch and somehow manage to push the hot welding rod into my palm. I have never welded since!
Blue_SV650S
14-11-06, 11:52 PM
*Racing my mate on our pushbike, she lost the first time, second time round she threw a big rock in front of bike..straight over the handelbars..top teeth through bottom lip and a cut all my chin open.
*Pet Gerbil bit THROUGH my finger, down to bone, my dad told me not to make such a fuss until he saw how deep it was! needless to say, i passed out!
*Cleaning up a broken glass in my room, slit my finger open-passed out :roll:
*Last year at home, STOOD on a glass framed picture by accident, trip to hospital to have toe stitched up. :oops:
*This year, trying to be clever, riding a friends horse with no saddle out on the road, wind blew a sign-made horse jump, i got thrown off and dragged across the road and up a gravel drive.(i was semi with it, so was holding onto reins hence why i got dragged)
And not a drop of drink mentioned in any of them :lol:
But have you had a But incident??? that's what the boys wanna hear about!?!? ;)
YoungMan - thanks for that ... I got the giggles again ... :lol:
BernardBikerchick
15-11-06, 08:26 AM
It has to be my first ever smear ( sorry to lower tone but it was very funny) lying back thinking of england while some hairy butch lesbian looking nurse inserts a cold metalic object in my flute .....theres me, all fine really not a care in the world considering how hairy her arms were...anyyyhoooo ... so she says 'you're all done' i grunt as not sure whether thank you is appropriate at the time, stand up and let out the most gruesom fanny fart ever!!!!!!, and with that so as to take the attention off myself a bit shuffled the curtain to try and drown out the noise, but pulled curtain off rails and ended up with an (unused) p!ss pot on me head !! i'm so classy !!!!! :lol: :lol: the annoying thing is about p!sspots too or puke pots, those cardboard ones, are they are made by a company called VERNACARE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Blue_SV650S
15-11-06, 10:11 AM
...
OMG :shock:
Well I did kinda Ask for it didn’t I!?!? … :lol:
The curtain and cardboard bit had me in fits though … I mean in what must be an already pretty embarrassing situation … what do you say??? … what do you do?? (not sure you thought the curtain thing through did you!! :lol:) … have you consequently come up with some sort of camouflage for if/when it happens again … surely some sought of cough might be in order … or perhaps say “I can actually play the national anthem … wannna hear it, I was just warming up?!!?” :lol:
It has to be my first ever smear ( sorry to lower tone but it was very funny) lying back thinking of england while some hairy butch lesbian looking nurse inserts a cold metalic object in my flute .....theres me, all fine really not a care in the world considering how hairy her arms were...anyyyhoooo ... so she says 'you're all done' i grunt as not sure whether thank you is appropriate at the time, stand up and let out the most gruesom fanny f*rt ever!!!!!!, and with that so as to take the attention off myself a bit shuffled the curtain to try and drown out the noise, but pulled curtain off rails and ended up with an (unused) p!ss pot on me head !! i'm so classy !!!!! :lol: :lol: the annoying thing is about p!sspots too or puke pots, those cardboard ones, are they are made by a company called VERNACARE !!!!!!!!!!!!!! :smt043 :smt038 :notworthy:
northwind
15-11-06, 12:15 PM
After only 15 posts, Young Man sends my favourite post ever :) Welcome aboard, you self-abuse legend.
& peeps were moaning about the kitty link :smt102
tinpants
15-11-06, 02:56 PM
& peeps were moaning about the kitty link :smt102
Yeah, well, who posted it???
Was it you??
'Nuff said :roll: :lol: :lol: :lol:
:edit: This thread is about people having a laugh at themselves, not at animals being abused. (cartoon or otherwise)
BTW Verna, that was absolute class. My son was trying to ask me something but I was laughing so much I couldn't answer him!! :lol: :lol:
& peeps were moaning about the kitty link :smt102
Yeah, well, who posted it???
Was it you??
'Nuff said :roll: :lol: :lol: :lol:
no it was not me...best you check things first
first[/color]BTW Verna, that was absolute class. My son was trying to ask me something but I was laughing so much I couldn't answer him!! :lol: :lol:
And not a drop of drink mentioned in any of them :lol:
But have you had a But incident??? that's what the boys wanna hear about!?!? ;)
:
Thats because its v rare that i drink alcohol, and no i havent.
BernardBikerchick
16-11-06, 09:19 AM
...
OMG :shock:
Well I did kinda Ask for it didn’t I!?!? … :lol:
The curtain and cardboard bit had me in fits though … I mean in what must be an already pretty embarrassing situation … what do you say??? … what do you do?? (not sure you thought the curtain thing through did you!! :lol:) … have you consequently come up with some sort of camouflage for if/when it happens again … surely some sought of cough might be in order … or perhaps say “I can actually play the national anthem … wannna hear it, I was just warming up?!!?” :lol:
i can actually play the flute too heeeeeeeee!!!!!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:
Warthog
16-11-06, 09:39 AM
I tried blowing on a flute but no sound came out.
Blue_SV650S
16-11-06, 10:01 AM
er ... I let it slide before as it didn't matter and the story was still was funny/cringe worthy, but you do realise that a 'flute' is actually a euphemism for the male genitalia, not the female (I could probably reel off 10 euphemisms for that right now (but won't ;))??
With this in mind, would you like to amened your statement us Warthog?? :lol:
YoungMan
16-11-06, 10:39 AM
The French refer to the 'flute' as 'le clarinet' as in 'Faire aime vous jouer ma clarinette bageuse'.
Oh the joy of being a cunning linguist ... :P
Blue_SV650S
16-11-06, 11:11 AM
...
Oh the joy of being a cunning linguist ... :P
Are you sure you don't mean cunnilinctus ;) :lol:
...
Oh the joy of being a cunning linguist ... :P
Are you sure you don't mean cunnilinctus ;) :lol:
It was a fanny-fart not a fanny-cough :wink: :D
tinpants
16-11-06, 05:41 PM
& peeps were moaning about the kitty link :smt102
Yeah, well, who posted it???
Was it you??
'Nuff said :roll: :lol: :lol: :lol:
no it was not me...best you check things first
first[/color]BTW Verna, that was absolute class. My son was trying to ask me something but I was laughing so much I couldn't answer him!! :lol: :lol:
Before you start getting all "huffy" Hovi5, could I just point out a few things?
Assuming that English is your first language, and living in Wales that could be a point of debate for months to come, I think it only fair to point out that the little squiggly things after a word eg "?" indicate that someone, in this case me, was asking a question. :D :lol:
Secondly, seeing as you frequently post huge inanities on this forum you really should expect a bit of flak for some every now and then. :wink: (Even if you yourself didn't write them)
Remember, less is more. :roll: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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