View Full Version : Bullying Advice/Opinions please
Morning folks :) I haven't seen a thread on this subject on the org since I joined, and you guys offer a lot of good thoughts to most threads, so any comments on the below are welcome :)
As some of you know, my edlest son, 7 year old, has dyspraxia (http://www.dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk/services/gu_symptoms.php). We've only known about this for a few months now, and we've known the details of dyspraxia for even less time. For any Psychology students etc on the forum, it's more commonly referred to as "DAMP" (Difficulties with Attention, Motor skills & Perception). It basically makes pretty much all areas of life quite hard. Socially, he doesn't fit in with his peer group. Mentally, at times, he acts like he's 2 years old. Physically, he's quite far behind the development of other children. However, one thing that is absolutely stunning, is his memory. He's the only child I'm aware of that can remember almost everything that happened to him in exact detail from up to 5 years ago. Anyway, you get the picture.
Because of his condition, he's always been bullied at school. That's not a big problem, I was bullied at school, as was the Mrs, it's something that we've been dealing with. However, it's come to my attention yesterday, that he's being bullied by his teacher.
A little over a year ago, we moved into a new area, after buying the house, and as we did, the kids had to start a new school. It's a small community school with something like 40 pupils total. Probably less.
After talking to my son, it appears that he's being called names, anything from simple stuff like "stupid" & upwards, and most of the time, is being kept in at playtime so that he finishes his work. We've warned him that at times, he'll have to remind people like his teachers about his condition, which he has done, only to be told he's lying about it. I'm putting the lack of work down to attention problems, and generally not being happy at school. As I've said to the Mrs, it would make later life hard for him, but I'd prefer him not to learn ANYTHING, and actually be happy, rather than him have to go through this sort of thing.
His condition is serious enough that every so often, a psychologist visits the school, and the school have applied to the LEA for help. However, I have a strong feeling that they're just using his condition as an excuse to squeeze more from the LEA. Under normal circumstances, I'd be helping them do just that!
I've talked to other children in his class, and when questioned, they have agreed with what he's said about how he's being treated. The reason for me doing this, was mainly because he's recently been going through a phase of lying, which I interpret as him attempting to fit in & do the right thing. That phase still needs dealing with, but obviously doesn't apply to this situation.
The complicated thing is that because the school is so small, there's only 3 teachers as it is. Should this teacher get what is obviously deserving (relief from his pay packet to say the least!) then this would cause serious problems for the school, and that would have a knock on effect for the whole community.
Moving schools is sort of an option. Life would be harder, and fuel costs would rise as the nearest school is a fair distance away, but it'd be do-able, and is something we're looking into.
I'll be talking to someone in the LEA later today as well to inform them about the problem, and to raise an official complaint with them. I'm not going to the headteacher of the school, because that's proven less than fruitful in the past. Also, the board of directors are all local people, and they'd be more likely to hide the issue to save the school rather than get rid of the absolutely terrible excuse for a teacher.
My main concern about all of this is his memory. Even after we deal with all of this, he's going to remember it all in great detail for a long time to come.
So folks, discuss :)
fizzwheel
30-01-07, 09:58 AM
When you say being bullied by his teacher what exactly is going on. I got bullied all the way through school right up till I was 15 when I got into a fight and knocked out one of the bullies that was picking on me. It still effects me now. I'm 33. I got treated differently by one teacher because she didnt like my cousin who was a couple of years ahead of me so when I was in her class to years later she knew we were related and I got treated differently than the other kids. I used to me naughty ( I was a kid we all do it ) I certainly wasnt an angel but no way did I deserve to be kept back after school or stopped from having play time for the small misdemenors I got up when other kids were worse than I was and got away with it. I had to spend two years being taught by that woman who I hated and who hated me. My parents to this day wish they had made more of a fuss and got someting done about it. I basically learned naff all during my time in her class its one of the reasons I struggled with certain subjects later on in life.
If it were me I'd be getting it sorted being bullied by your peers is one thing, but bullied by a teacher is f*cking out of order. B*ll*cks to the school and the community this is your son, time to be selfish and put him first IMHO.
SoulKiss
30-01-07, 09:59 AM
Bunch of bikers in leather with dark visors, illegally loud cans and dark visors can, I'm sure, be arranged if needed I am sure - and at short notice :)
David
Joking of course.
Seriously, I think you are doing it right, you know the local situation better so I think only you can know how to proceed, but if you want to know if what you are doing is appropriate then I think it is :)
It's true that the school will get more money for him. You need to make sure that this money is being spent on him - and not simply going into a general pot.
On the bullying issue, this is inexcusable. Children should be able to trust their teacher implicitly. I vividly remember being bullied by the teacher at junior school, while I don't want to hijack your thread I'm going to name and shame, it was a De La Salle Catholic brothers school, St Josephs Academy in Blackheath, south London. I remember it all - and as your son has such a good recall, he will remember how he is being treated.
Is this a Welsh speaking school by any chance, and your son is seen as a foreigner?
I agree with Fizz 100%. Sod the niceties of the cosy governing body, go to the LEA and complain.
Tiger 55
30-01-07, 10:12 AM
B*ll*cks to the school and the community this is your son, time to be selfish and put him first IMHO.
Doubt anybody is going to hit the nail more firmly on the head!
I think you have to start with the Head but make him fully aware that he has a very, very short space of time to sort this out before you move up the chain. A good healthy fear of litigation/losing his own job should get him moving and if it doesn't you just keep making more and more noise in higher and higher places.
Then, having sorted out these ****s, move the hell out of the Village of the Damned and leave them all to it. They sound like the sort of web-footed inbreds that give rural living a bad name.
My math teacher in grade 3 out in Canada (about 3rd year primary school here) constantly bullied me because I had problems learning math. She'd take the p*ss out of me in front of the class rather than work with me to solve the problem.
Eventually I bunked a lesson because I hadn't done the homework and didn't want to face her.
It never really rang any bells at the time but now I know she was a very bad teacher who lacked any sort of sensitivity or understanding and I SHOULD have told my parents about her at the time.
Your son's teacher is SUPPOSED TO BE A TEACHER. One who teaches, not someone who's there to bully kids.
Take it up with the school, they should never get away with it. Besides, maybe you reinforcing your son's issues will open their eyes and shed a little understanding on the subject and stop the problem. If you have written, medical proof of your son's condition to shove in their face it might help.
Education is a right, not a privilege in my opinion.
SoulKiss
30-01-07, 10:19 AM
Moving out of the Village !!!!
Wouldn't that leave Hovi5 all alone as the only "Banana-rider in the village"
ArtyLady
30-01-07, 10:29 AM
Baph - Ive had a life time of this with my daughter. She is profoundly deaf and has a severe balance impairment - hidden disabilities and IMO was often treated unfairly by the school and by her peers. It affects her to this day :(
Is your son statemented by the LEA? if not you need to look into this - can be a battle to get but once done can go some way to protecting your childs interest within education. You might get some useful info here http://www.childrenslegalcentre.com/Templates/Internal.asp?NodeID=91051
hth :)
Luckypants
30-01-07, 10:29 AM
If you have written, medical proof of your son's condition to shove in their face it might help.
Absolutely, but if the problem is an individual teacher, then it needs to be resolved by intervention. Teachers are human and (rightly or wrongly) take against certain individuals and no amount of paperwork makes them change. Proper intervention by the parents is the only way to make them change. They might not like your child but they must act professionally towards them, both in the class room and in the staff room.
Blue_SV650S
30-01-07, 10:37 AM
Trying to see this from the teachers point of view …
Small school, tight knit classes, if your son is disrupting the class (which just reading through some of the symptoms is what he will be doing right?!!), its not going to be long before even a saint looses their patience. If you have a class of what 10 pupils? and one of them is refusing to sit quietly and learn - then it is not only irritating and distracting, but actually preventing the rest of the students from learning too. Also they must have seen this sort of thing a thousand times before where you just .. well you know, get a kid trying it on!! ;)
So that is how I see it as a teacher. However if this ‘condition’ is as ‘out in the open’ as you say it is (the psychologist visits) then they should be more lenient and realise he isn’t just a pest. They may be a good teacher, just had no experience of dealing with kids with your sons condition. I think I would ask the school to perhaps educate the teacher in dealing with this sort of child?
ArtyLady
30-01-07, 10:45 AM
If you have written, medical proof of your son's condition to shove in their face it might help.
Absolutely, but if the problem is an individual teacher, then it needs to be resolved by intervention. Teachers are human and (rightly or wrongly) take against certain individuals and no amount of paperwork makes them change. Proper intervention by the parents is the only way to make them change. They might not like your child but they must act professionally towards them, both in the class room and in the staff room.
From my experience, unless the teacher is specialist in an area, they wont understand the disability and are not equiped to teach that child (problem of an education system trying to teach special needs in mainstream - take the case of a certain Labour MP recently - says it all), the teacher gets frustrated that the kid wont conform (because it cant).
My daughter only really starting progressing once she attended a school with a unit with specially trained teachers of the deaf. We actually wanted her to attend a school exclusively for the deaf where she could stay for the duration of the week, and socialise with her deaf peers in the evenings. But the LEA wouldnt fund it and she had to go 10 miles away by taxi to a mainstream comprehensive with attached unit, which was nice that she could come home every night but she still got bullied at breaktimes and in the mainstream classes that she did go into and had no social life locally. :(
Thanks for the replies folks.
Taking the issue up with the school will go no-where. Been there before. We had to go above them just to get him to see someone who eventually diagnosed dyspraxia. They refused to believe there was anything out of the ordinary about him. The head teacher promises the earth, but nothing actually happens. In this situation, that's not good enough.
Moving schools is an option, yes, but hopefully a last resort. I'd prefer my son to see that we've actually done something positive about the situation, rather than just sidestepped it. Like I said, I was bullied, and despite my parents knowing about it, nothing ever changed until I made it change. Won't go into details on that though & it's something that if I can help it, my kids won't be repeating.
The school's governors would be the next step up above the Head teacher. They're all local people, and in the past, they've all stuck together in a sort of "for the good of the community" way, but they don't see the bigger picture IMO. If my child is suffering at the hands of this teacher, it's quite possible others are.
There is also an added complication of "the family." A few of whom are on ASBO's. Mostly, they're no harm to anyone other than themselves, but we have been warned that "They'll argue & fight amongst themselves, but the second you cross one of them, you get all of them." I can see that if any of this has an effect on the school as a whole, "the family" won't be pleased about the potential of having to take their kids to the next school (nearest is 6 miles away). This will be seen entirely as my families fault. Moving house isn't an option at the moment.
So, above the school governors, would be the LEA. The Mrs has called a number for the LEA we were given by the last Psychologist visit. Turns out the woman on the end of the phone is a close personal friend of the teacher. How typical is that? So now we have to figure out where we can go from here.
Ed, yes, it's a Welsh speaking school. However, because his Welsh wasn't up to scratch, the LEA policy meant he was sent to a special language centre school (travel funded by the LEA), so he could get up to speed in Welsh quickly. So that's far less of an issue, but oddly, the bullying now seems worse than it was before. Or maybe he was just being mistreated before & not having things explained to him (I know that was happening to a small extent), whereas now he understands.
need2ride, he's not had a statement from the LEA as yet, the way the local LEA works, the school have to ask for that, not the parents. Nice catch 22 currently that we're fighting.
Ping, it's official enough that every few months he has a psychological review in school. Psychologist from outside school comes to visit.
Blue, he's not disrupting anything. He prefers to sit quietly by himself. Yes he has a lack of attention, but that usually means he day dreams or just sits there playing by himself. Sometimes when you ask him to do something, 5mins later he's forgotten what you asked because something else has caught his attention. His long term memory of what's happened is absolutely stunning though (down to details of what colour socks he wore on a particular day when he was 2!) When he tries to join in, his responses are socially not up to scratch. Imagine a 2 year old trying to play with 7 year olds. Physically, he can't join in with some things because he just doesn't have the motor skills (for example, I have to keep telling him not to eat with his hands & to at least TRY & use his knife & fork - and I usually have to tell him every few mins, but then he gets really frustrated & I just drop it, at least he's tried). I really don't see how his condition could prevent other children from learning, and if that was the case, we'd be paying for him to have private tuition. The reason we don't right now, is that he needs some element of social interaction, or the problems will only get worse. You're probably viewing the symptoms & comparing them to ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder), which is the wrong way. It's more like a cross between Autism & ADD (attention defecit disorder), there's no hyperactivity involved really. About as much as it gets is that he can't keep his feet still whilst he's sat down.
To put the school into some sort of perspective... it's been borderline that it'll be closed for a long time (before we moved into the area). The only reason it stays open is because it's more cost effective for the LEA to pay for the school, rather than transport all the kids to the next village. Two out of the three teachers there are terrible. One openly has a severe dislike of any non-Welsh speaking person, to the extent my daughter was put through hell simply because me & the Mrs don't speak much Welsh (my daughters always has been far better than ours, but again, that's something we're working on). Then there's the teacher that's bullying my son. The old head teacher left because he was fighting an upward battle, and was actually a decent teacher IMO. The new head teacher, IMO, is simply a politician (promises everything, does nothing).
EDIT: Even though he's 7, developmentally, if anyone has looked at the list of symptoms (like Blue), he fits most of the 3-5 year old bracket perfectly. However, there's no temper tantrums, but he does "whinge" about a lot of things (to the extent he'll cry his eyes out when we tell him it's time to come inside & eat!) Maybe that'll help clear things up, maybe not though :)
grh1904
30-01-07, 11:02 AM
Most of the replies all seem to say the one thing, put your son's health/welfare/education first. I totally agree with all of this too. You need to get into the school and speak with this teacher and the school head - perhaps the comment about re-educating this teacher is right - but first and foremost he/she needs to be totally profesional at all times.
As a Police officer I need to be to, a female colleague of mine (only yesterday) made some comments to a local well know female (a real pain the ar*e), but she was overheard by a local postie who has now made a complaint against Police - my colleague will now probably be made to apologise to this female - something I know will really grate on her - but she did allow her otherwise professional standards to slip.
In your case the teacher should act appropriately at all times - yes I can accept that perhaps his/her tether has been well and truly got to the end of, but to call your child names is bang out of order - just remind the teacher that Section 4a(1) of the Public Order Act 1986 makes provision for this - a person is guilty if he uses towards another abusive, insulting or threatening words or behaviour WITH INTENT to cause that other harassment, alarm or distress.
If the teacher called it those names to you - would you stand for it - would you have grounds to lodge a complaint ???????? I would say yes, so why should a teacher be allowed to get away with calling names to a DEFENSELESS child who doesn't really know any better, and may well be influenced by this and grow up thinking that calling people stupid is the norm. What happens when he does this latter in life to someone that will think nothing of rearranging his face ????
Good luck with school.
You need to get into the school and speak with this teacher and the school head - perhaps the comment about re-educating this teacher is right - but first and foremost he/she needs to be totally profesional at all times.
Tried that already, it goes no-where. It's time to go above & beyond the school, I just need to figure out how, without talking to the friend of the teacher, because that will go as far as talking directly to the teacher. Ie, nowhere.
Thank you very much about the info on the Public Order Act though. I wasn't aware of this, and it will be put in writing to the LEA once I have an appropriate contact :)
Red ones
30-01-07, 11:13 AM
Tricky who to turn to - but at the end of the day the teacher is paid to educate the WHOLE child. Calling a child names is teaching it to be repressed, bullied and to lose self-confidence. Moreover it teaches the other children that this is right and acceptable.
I would happily go to the LEA and explain why I feel the complaint cannot be heard locally and to underline my feeling that the teacher is acting unprofessionally and is, whether explicitly or not, condoning bullying. It is important that a child has a stable learning enviroment and, hence, moving school should be a last resort.
I was quite shocked to read this post.
socommk23
30-01-07, 11:53 AM
go to the papers! make it public! shut the school down!
if nothing is done and your son has finished then im sure the bullying will carry on with another student like your son!
then your no better than the teacher for letting it go on without intervention.
glad to see your doing somethng about it....as you would naturally as a parent.
but its time to think of your sons future....not the schools!
Alpinestarhero
30-01-07, 12:10 PM
Well you need some hard proof, after all, its your sons word against the teachers word.
So perhaps you can give your son a recording thing (like what the journalists use) that he can stick in his bag or pocket and have it recording what the teachers says; this will at least offer some hard evidence.
At least you have other kids testimonies to go on.
This is a terrible situation; i know teachers are only human, but they - of all the people on the school - should be the most compassionate and understanding of conditions. Obviously the teacher hasnt been well educated him/herself!
Get down the school, get the lessons monitored somehow, fight the school. Anything! Education is a valuble thing, and your son shouldnt miss out because of a bully.
Good luck with this Baph matey. The .org'ers are behind you :D
Matt
go to the papers! make it public! shut the school down!
if nothing is done and your son has finished then im sure the bullying will carry on with another student like your son!
then your no better than the teacher for letting it go on without intervention.
glad to see your doing somethng about it....as you would naturally as a parent.
but its time to think of your sons future....not the schools!
Like I've said previously. If the school gets shut down as a direct result of my actions in this situation, I can see at the very least, windows developing ever so slight breeze's, if not worse. Moving house isn't an option.
I need to tread very carefully because of the community, not the school. The thought of the papers has already crossed my mind, but was quickly ruled out for the above reason.
Matt, with respect to proof. As most folks know on the forum, I'm quite handy with electronics. I have a couple of designs in mind at the moment, but I'm thinking that I'll opt for the short distance AM transmittor since my house is a max of 50m away from the school (there are far more elaborate plans - for which I'd need to call in favours, but things like laser mic's aren't beyond use) ;) But obviously I'll discuss this with the LEA before I implement it, I wouldn't want anything to be inadmissible or anything like that ;)
I've just heard back from the Mrs.
Apparently she spoke to the head teacher this morning. The head's words were basically "I have complete faith in my staff," which basically tells me he thinks my son is lying about it. The head has only been there a few months.
Also, apparently the teacher approached the head yesterday, to explain there was some "tension" from me & the Mrs towards him. Funny that, considering we haven't talked to him about this instance. Yes, we've had words in the past, but why mention it only a day before we're talking to the head about a specific incident? Something smells like it's been handled by a fishmonger!
So my thoughts about the school were proven. Now I think it's just time to start swinging the axe & see where the trees fall.
Need2ride, thanks very much for the Childrens' Legal Centre, I've had a look around their site, and if we deem it appropriate, we can have a chat with the GP about my son being off school indefinately until this issue is sorted. Not a perfect solution by far, but it'll remove the immediate problems. If we involve the GP then there's no comeback on us for lack of attendance. :)
EDIT: I've just shown this thread to a friend, and it's been mentioned that I come across as shooting down the ideas people have had. My sincerest apologies. That wasn't my intention. There have been problems with the school in the past, and we've tried dealing with issues through them, so I knew how they would react. As I'm sure you can all appreciate as well, this is a subject that's been on my mind a lot, so I've thought through the options I can see a lot.
Again, apologies for how parts of this have come across :oops:
Blue_SV650S
30-01-07, 02:00 PM
Ah, ok, so he is not displaying the symptoms that would potentially mean he was disrupting the class ... if he is sitting there quietly in his own little world, then there is no reason to get frustrated with the situation from the teachers perspective. Which makes them being sharp with your boy much less understandable/acceptable. :(
If 2 of the 3 teachers are simply pap teachers, then all this aside you owe it to your son to move him to the next school along. As by the sound of it, even if the bullying stopped, they would still be pap ;)
Its a shame, but the only resolve here to me seems to be to move him to a better school. Would one of the other parents locally like to move their kid too? That way you could lift share to take away some of the burden?
It doesn't sound to me like you are shooting down ideas, so stop worrying on that score!
As for your issues with school .... I think you have a level enough head to work through this, but there are not any definite answers.
For your information though I personally would probably change school. This is not a time to fight the world etc ... you/he are possibly taking on a battle, that will be time consuming (at the cost of your son) and emotional. I know other people on the forum will feel you should fight the battle etc. but is that really going to benefit HIM ?
Yes, in the correct world we should fight injustice to prevent others suffering, but is it going to be at a cost to him? Your concern is YOUR SON not the school, or community. Be selfish! Maybe you could write and explain to the school etc why you are moving him. Also, it sounds a very small school/community ..... possibly socially your son would benefit more from a larger more liberal school? The last thing you want is threats etc at your home as well, it needs to be a sanctuary. Maybe it is a weak cop out, maybe it is just life and self preservation ?
Tricky, good luck
Its a shame, but the only resolve here to me seems to be to move him to a better school. Would one of the other parents locally like to move their kid too? That way you could lift share to take away some of the burden?
I spent so long on my post that I didn't see this comment. Nice to see someone feels the same.
CoolGirl
30-01-07, 03:57 PM
Only read your first post Baph, but sounds like you need to bring in our new friend the Disability Equality Duty. Apart from being unprofessional, it's illegal to bully someone because of their disability. End of.
PM me if you need expert advice on this.
I can only agree with what others have said.
I know you said moving house is not an option...is that cast iron 100% not-on-your-nelly-ever-ever-no-way, Jose- uh-uh-nope-hell freeze over etc not an option?
Reading the posts, it's one of the main things that springs to mind because this 'thing' must be affecting your whole family - and the school would appear to be small enough to close ranks quite efficiently during times of their own need.
I don't want to put a damper on things, and I wish you all the luck in the world on this issue - but sometimes, no matter how right you are, the system is a bitch and will not be beaten, and sometimes bites back.
Defo consider taking him out of that 'school' - is private tuition affordable? Like others here, I suffered at the hands of a particular teacher - smacked around the face, beaten with a cardboard tube out of a roll of paper infront of the class etc. My mum and dad, fortunately, were able to have the teacher, a female, suddenly retire.
I had to have a private tutor for a year to catch up on maths & English.
I say move - stuff the lot of 'em.
Baph - I think the real key to this is going to be better communication with the teacher concerned. Set up an appointment with this teacher and go through this again with them. Invite the head along and let them know that let them know the angst surrounding this.
You can really approach this in a few ways - one in which you need to constantly battle with them to try and get them performing - in which case there will always be some resentment and because of this it will probably affect your kid. If it does change the system at school surely it will be to late to be of real benefit and therefore not worth the effort??
Another option is to convince them - even go to lengths to apologise for any hassles you feel like you are being (i know you arent) - but try and put the guilt trip on them and ask to work with them to make them feel that they want to help do the best for your kid - try and start afresh etc. Over communicate with them, bribe them so that they do the best they can, also provide them with as much support and literature as possible - reward them when its working.
Ultimately if the second option doesnt work and its not possible to move class??? I would seriously consider changing schools to one that can properly cater for your needs ...
fat_brstd
31-01-07, 12:03 AM
ok my bro has dyspraxia and i have severe dyslexia. he also has an iq of well over 170 and im pushing 160. both of us where severly bullied as children and both of us have major problems with most people. mainly those we see as being lower than us (despite what they might think), which accounts for about 95%+ of people i deal with on a day to day basis.
as for your sons bullying i know this is a very bad thing to say but i got on much better at school when i was suspended for kicking the crap out a kid in the year above who i got sick of taking the **** out of me. after that i learned that if you fight back you arnt going to get done over. its a difficult thing to try to explain to a child but i do think that if he is getting preyed on more than others then he needs to do somthing about it.
dyspraxia is a motor coordination problem which is often associated with learning difficulties. i cant spell for **** but i guarunty that i know more about biochem and micro than anyone here. your child lacks confidence and all he needs is to befriend a couple of other kids and his social skills will develop fine.
as for being bullied by his teacher im not sure to what degree this is occuring. if the teacher is holding him back into lunch and break times thats against the rules so get a copy of the official school rules on detention and explain them as best you can to your child. next get him to fight back starting verbally. Tell him that his teacher cant hold him back over lunch or break time. this is both bad for the childs self confidence and for his position within the perseption of his peers.
book a time to speak to his teacher and explain this to them, the majority of teachers ive met view dylexia as an excuse for being dumb. curtainly happened to me untill i got a 1st at UCL and told my school teachers to stick it where the sun dont shine.
you need to build your childs confidence, get him to invite other kids over and let them do have fun together but dont crash there style. let them do what they want to do and it will build respect for your child amoungst his peers. im very concerned about the teacher based bullying because that is out of order. the fact is tho that you dont say what the teacher is doing that is so bad. i mean do you make sure that your kid has done all the work he is supposed to, i used to lie to my old man about that stuff all the time and he believed me and then bitched when i got in **** for not doing my work. If you cant see it then its not done and you should put your foot down
hope this makes sence and im sorry for the terrible spelling and grammer (ive never learnt this bloody language properly)
Thanks again for the replies folks.
Stingo... "100% not-on-your-nelly-ever-ever-no-way, Jose- uh-uh-nope-hell freeze over." We're in this to the death :) Don't suppose you have a few cannons I could, ahem, borrow? :D
Gmonsta, we've talked to the teacher, who denies everything. However, other kids in the class when we've asked, have agreed with out son. The head teacher takes the same line as the teacher. Taking the matter up at this level will go no-where fast, they'll just flatly deny until we have proof of what's happening, and even then they wouldn't do anything unless they had to.
Moving classes? Well, there's 3 classes in the entire school. Only around 7 kids are the same age as my son, the class he's in, comprises kids in the year above & below him. That's how small the school is. To move classes, he'd have to skip a year (at least) in either direction. Not an option academically.
fat_brstd, the only other person I'm aware of that knows anything about Dyspraxia in detail (no offence to those that read the site I linked to). My son's dyspraxia doesn't only affect physical ability (motor controls) but also perception & attention.
Firstly, about your spelling, the mind is a wonderful thing, and although yes, there were spelling mistakes in your post (that I'm sure you were aware of when you posted), I instinctively read them correctly anyway, without having to think about it. IMO, your spelling can be understood, so that's no big deal at all. I understand you've probably been through hell over dyslexia (my cousin is also dyslexic so I have some idea). At a time, we also thought my son was dyslexic (as your parents possibly thought about your brother).
The problem with my son, is that socially, he acts almost like a 2 year old, yet he's 7. My 2 year old can do things that the eldest can't (even day to day things like using knife & fork... and climbing trees, riding bikes etc). Because of his lack of social ability (not just physical), he makes friends for all of a couple of days, and they they don't want to hang around with him, because he acts so much more childish.
There is one kid that he plays with a lot, and has done on & off since we moved into the house. However, they're moving to south Wales next week, permanently. Great timing, but these things can't be helped I suppose.
As for what's so bad about the teacher. The name calling, anything from "stupid" upwards (including apparently things that I can't post because of the U-Rating - to a 7 year old!!). Also, the fact that he's been told by the teacher that he doesn't have a condition at all, and is lying about it. Then there's the thing of keeping him in at break time, which isn't strictly against the school rules. However, the excuse given for this is that he needs to finish his work (lack of attention), yet other kids, who have actually done less, are allowed to play out :shock: Again, all of this has been verified by a few other kids that we've spoken to, and the things I'm posting on the forum are just the tip of the iceburg.
The comment about him doing the work he should of done, in his teachers own words "He's not the slowest child in the class, and I don't consider him to be behind the other children. If he was, we'd be able to ask the LEA for help with the disability." (Note: the teacher accepts there is a disability to us, but when our son is in the classroom, it's not there!) The point they're making is that he doesn't do enough to go out & play, but yet he's doing enough work not to be behind the other kids, and there's even kids behind him in terms of academic progress. To my knowledge, the work "desired" of him is done, but at the expense of him being able to go out & play. Yet other kids do less work, and still go out to play.
We've also told the teacher that if he doesn't complete his work, to send his work home with him, and we'll happily sit down with him on & evening to make sure it gets done, which would ensure he doesn't fall behind. I think that's happened twice in the last year!
Again, thanks for the replies (and PMs) this far folks :) It honestly does mean a lot :)
i would not move house either.........you /your son have done nothing wrong it would be like giving in .IMO you do need to sort this out though, how long left in this school has he?
sounds like the teacher is a t**t what do other perants think of the teacher?
i guess if he /she is well liked and you start kicking up a fuss , it could turn people against you in a small village....but it has to be done for your sons sake.
good luck.
south wales is not to bad
i would not move house either.........you /your son have done nothing wrong it would be like giving in .IMO you do need to sort this out though, how long left in this school has he?
sounds like the teacher is a t**t what do other perants think of the teacher?
i guess if he /she is well liked and you start kicking up a fuss , it could turn people against you in a small village....but it has to be done for your sons sake.
MOST of the parents consider the school as being the best thing since sliced bread (pardon the pun :P)
However, there are a very small number, who behind closed doors, tell a different story. They've also said they haven't stepped forward before now because of fears that I've mentioned before (family vs village).
Maybe it just takes one to stand out from the crowd for the rest to crawl out of the woodwork? Or maybe I'm just hoping that...
carrickman
31-01-07, 11:06 AM
Hi Baph
I had a similar problem. When my daughter was born she was only given 2 hours to live and denied a life support machine because she was not deemed to be worth survival. She survived but the way the system works in Northern Ireland she had to go to the local school to be statemented before she could be placed in special education. When my son was born he had no problems but when he went to the same school the teacher said ( in front of the class ) "I hope your not as mental as your sister". When I complained to the head teacher I was told I only had the other children's word for it as they where under 5 no one would believe them. I took my son away but his new school knew all about what had gone on even though nothing had been put officially on paper. If you have your child statemented then the education authority are supposed to provide a teachers helper to give one on one assistance. It's no use complaining to the head teacher as they will do nothing. Contact your education authority and find out about their complaints procedure but more important write to your local European MP and demand to know your child's rights. I wish I had not rolled over so easily what I have learned through my daughters problems is that he who shouts loudest is the one that is listened to.
Good luck
carrickman, at last! Someone that understands that some head teachers are as much use as a chocolate fireguard! No offence intended towards anyone else!
I don't suppose you live(d) in a small community too do/did you?
Apparently, from talking to another .org'er, the statement no longer needs to be done by the school. Parents can now "self-certify" in order to get help from the LEA. I still need to find out more details about this though.
One to one education would help, however, I'm not assuming that's guranteed yet. We're also looking into home education as a possability.
As you found no doubt, numerous adults are aware of the problems at the school. Mostly outsiders that have nothing to do with the village, but they know about it non the less. Getting them to admit to something on paper is proving more tricky though.
carrickman
31-01-07, 12:10 PM
Hi
I live in a small town but the only other school that was within walking distance (wife does not drive) was a new integrated school that takes pupils from both sides of the religious divide . I would not normally have picked this because the teachers play a numbers game to get more funding depending which section they have too many of, the children should always come first. Head teachers are only interested in how much money the school can get and never want to know about any problems. The only person that helped us was, like him or loath him , Ian Paisley in his role as Euro MP ,as soon as he intervened everyone ran round unable to do enough.
The main problem with Headteachers is that the further up the ladder you go the further removed from the children you often become. You easily run the risk of becoming less a teacher and more an administrator - juggling political, personnel and financial problems rather than sorting out who gets to play with the football at break time. :roll:
For some this suits them better as they were never that good with kids - a case of promoting the bad in a way.
I can only really echo Tomcat's reasoning for moving school. A larger school is more likely to cope with your child's needs, more likely to have experience regarding statementing him and getting the money and people in to support him full. It is also going to give him a greater range within his peer group and so a better chance to socialise at his own pace. All in all it may actually be a better place for him to be rather than a small local school.
Fight for what is right for your son, not necessarily for your son's Rights.
I think that you have spent enough time thinking about it mate!!
My approach would be like this;
-Speak to the teacher infront of the headteacher saying that if they don't stop calling your kid names you will take it further and further until there is no room on the planet for them to live on! if you receive any type of argument just say the same thing again and call it the end of the discussion.
-Follow the legal route and document as much as possible and escalate the issue all the way up
be prepared to change school for your kid
all this coming from a person who still gets bullied but have faced every single one of the bullies and believe me it wasn't pleasant for them! all done legit and by following the written law
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