View Full Version : shell shocked and gob smacked.
timwilky
20-08-07, 06:37 PM
For the past week, I have been in denial. The wife had found a lump, seen here doctor who passed her on the the local hospital. They actually found a second lump and did biopsies. Left the poor girl with one extremely bruised breast. to the extent that they refused to carry out a mammogram.
Today she had to go back for a follow up and the postponed mammogram which was again refused due to the extreme bruising. However she has got her result. Both lumps are malignant tumours.
No options really discussed, she has been told the breast has to come off plus the lymph nodes under her right arm, followed by radio therapy and eventually a delayed reconstruction.
I knew a week ago that this was the likely outcome. I had just hoped for her sake that I was going to be wrong. She has been through hell since we married. A hysterectomy, Primary Biliary Cirrhosis, plus auto immune hepatitis. and now this bomb shell. If there is a god, he must be a cruel and vindictive *******.
So we are now waiting for her date. Told our son (Eldest daughter has known from the start) and arranging for other family to know. I make jokes and silly comments as otherwise I want to cry.
I just don't know what to do/say. I tell her I love her and will be with her through this. The worst part is her brother was told this weekend that his Chemotherapy has not worked and he is now terminal. We always told him we would be there to support him and if necessary he could spend his last days with us. Now she will be having to concentrate on her own health yet worry about her brother.
I don't know why I am posting this. Sat in the house alone, a bottle of wine drunk, feeling sad and just need to get it off my chest.
I tell her I love her and will be with her through this.
Your grumbling demeanour is all a front for your soft and warm-hearted nature.
I'm sure we all wish you, and especially Mrs TW, all the very best of fortune and we are thinking about you both.
:grouphug:
Tim, I am so very sorry to hear this. I know we've never met, and I know anything anyone can say is just words, but please accept my heartfelt sympathies to both you and your wife.
Fizzy Fish
20-08-07, 06:44 PM
Jeez TW your family are really going through it at the moment. best wishes to all of you
:grouphug:
Awful news Tim.
Best wishes for you and your family.
the white rabbit
20-08-07, 06:45 PM
Thinkiing of you, Tim :(
Really sorry to hear about your wifes bad fortune, i send my sincere hopes that she has a full and speedy recovery.
Biker Biggles
20-08-07, 07:33 PM
I really hope this works out for you all.Good luck.
Very sorry to hear this Tim, our thoughts are with you at this difficult time.
Wideboy
20-08-07, 07:38 PM
sorry to hear this good luck
fizzwheel
20-08-07, 07:41 PM
Tim I'm really sorry to hear about this. Thoughts with you and yours.
Spiderman
20-08-07, 07:49 PM
Damn. And i think i got problems some days.
All my thoughts with you and your family big fella. Strength to all of you. :grouphug:
I am very sorry to read this Tim. My heartfelt best wishes to your wife, yourself and your family.
SoulKiss
20-08-07, 08:05 PM
My best to your family.
kwak zzr
20-08-07, 08:37 PM
sorry to hear this Tim:( think positive and stay strong.
regards
darren.
Sorry to hear of this.
I hope for a speedy recover for your better half.
Yes - what they all said really by the bucket load.
As what most folk have said,
Tim, if warmth can travel via the internet then you must be getting hot, Sam & I send our thoughts and best wishesto your family and you.
If you want to cry you can borrow my shoulder next rideout we meet up at.
once again really sorry to read this news, give her our love.
Richie & Family.
sorry to hear this, i hope it all works out for you.
Sorry to hear of your bad news my friend stay strong i hope you and your family pull throu this all the best.
Tim, my thoughts go out to you. So sorry to hear of this.
Sid Squid
20-08-07, 09:17 PM
:(.
Very, very sorry. Have hope - it's well placed.
muffles
20-08-07, 09:37 PM
Sorry to hear this, I didn't expect this when I clicked on the thread. Best wishes from here too, I know it's not much.
toonyank
20-08-07, 09:41 PM
I'm very sorry to here this news. Please try to keep positive, I know that's easy to say and harder to do but everyone hang in there.
Really sorry that your family are having to go through this. I hope everything works out for you all and things get better.
gettin2dizzy
20-08-07, 10:43 PM
I haven't met you, but you sound like the type of caring man she needs right now. I really hope everything works out for you both :)
Rob.
Aw Tim - ****. ****. I don't know what to say.
Wishing for the very best for your family. It sounds (hopefully) that's been caught in time? Be strong.
dirtydog
20-08-07, 11:39 PM
So sorry to hear this TW best wishes from here to your wife and your family
As spidey said we all grumble about our problems but they pail into insignificants when you here something like this.
All the best Adam
portreekid
21-08-07, 12:14 AM
Sorry to hear your news and although don't know you my thoughts are with you and yours.
If you can only see 1 positive just now let it be that at least they are on top of it, a small blessing I know, but at least knowing what they are deaing with and acting on it this quickly is a start.
Use the support offered on here Tim, I've just been reading through the posts and it's obvious people DO genuinely feel for you and your situation hopefully this will help you with that extra bit of strength you might need along the way.
Sincere best wishes.
I don't know what to say except be strong for her, and hold her hand x
Whoah! Sorry to hear this mate. Nothing I can say to help. Like others have said, thoughts are with you and your family.
Tim both falc and I send you are very best wishes and our thoughts are with you and Mrs W at this time, giver her our best wishes and a hug from us
if there is anything we can do give us a shout
T and Falc xxx
Dave The Rave
21-08-07, 07:41 AM
Tim, keep your chin up! I was in the same situaton 9 months ago except it was my mum and not my wife. She had chemo and radio. All done now and clear! She had last tests few weeks ago and all seems to be in order. Your wife has to believe that the treatmet will work. She really does! Without her willing to fight the chances are slim. I know it is difficult to think possitive at the moment but believe me it helps! I keep my fingers crossed for you.
I've nothing to add, except my thought and best wishes go to Mrs TW, you and your family.
Your grumpyness is only exceeded by the love and support you have for your family Tim - if there is any justice anywhere in this ****ty world you and yours will get through this.
There is little enough I can think of to say, and nothing I can imagine I could do that would help. But smiles are a highly infectious disease - so I hope that the words of support here from the Org give you some cause to smile, even if just a bit, and that it carries through to the rest of your family.
My hopes are with you.
Amanda M
21-08-07, 08:15 AM
Aww Tim, I am so sorry to hear the news. Our thoughts are with you all and I hope the treatment works well.
:grouphug:
Amanda
Hi Tim, really very sorry to hear of your wifes illness, I am assuming she will be treated at Christies which is one of the finest hospitals in the UK , and dont forget if theres anything any of us can do , well you know where to find us. Keep your chin up mate.
Stew
Jeeze... :( Really sorry to hear this. My best wishes to all of you.
Jester666
21-08-07, 09:16 AM
So sorry to hear about this. I hope it all works out for you and your wife.
:grouphug:
Pedrosa
21-08-07, 10:30 AM
Tim, terribly worrying for you all. I truly hope that all works out well.
Alpinestarhero
21-08-07, 10:38 AM
Dude, I am sorry to hear of this. I hope that the treatments will work, there is some clever stuff out there. A positive mindset is also helpful...psychology plays a massive part in recovery.
Keep us posted, the .org is behind you both on this one matey.
Matt
Caddy2000
21-08-07, 10:43 AM
..... Tim, to your wife, yourself, and all your family here are my depest feelings and my greatest hope......
Moffatt666
21-08-07, 10:56 AM
Sorry to hear the news. I wish her a speedy recovery.
timwilky
21-08-07, 11:14 AM
I would like to thank all for the kind messages of support and the PMs. Lynne is a real fighter and I am sure she will not let this beat her.
I really needed to get it out of my system last night.
Tim, Sorry to hear your terrible news. I know personally of 4 women who had to have the breasts removed, 2 of those required Chemo and Radiotherapy. They both found it very emotional and exhausting but all 4 of them are still with us. Modern science is truly amazing and I, as I am sure all other org'ers, will be thinking of her and willing her to a full recovery.
Fearg ..
wyrdness
21-08-07, 12:25 PM
I've just seen this thread. Tim, I'm really sorry to hear about this. It's going to be a horrible, stressful time for you and your family, but I really hope that she can pull through it.
:(
Aww crap. Your wife and yourself have my deepest sympathies. I hope for the best outcome for her.
Stay Strong and get well soon
Ch00
neilfab
21-08-07, 01:19 PM
As others have said, we've never met but I was sorry to read this, what must be, devastating and frightening news Tim. Hope there is a bright future be strong my friend.
Essex of Essex
21-08-07, 05:43 PM
Good luck to your wife, you and your family in fighting this.
Really sorry to hear about this crap news Tim.
Don't underestimate what a huge help your love and support will be to her... and don't forget to lean on your friends - you'll need them too. There should also be plenty of help available to you through the Oncology team at the hospital - they'll have a huge amount of experience and understanding of what your family will be going through.
Wishing you all the best.
El Saxo
21-08-07, 07:49 PM
Tim I can't put into words how sorry I am to hear this - sending best wishes & lots of good thoughts to you & yours. If there's anything I can do let me know.
:(
Been offline due to a knackered PC.
This is the first post on the Org I have read since getting back on line.
So sorry to hear this - can't really add anything other than stay strong mate and let us know how it goes.
Tiger 55
22-08-07, 07:06 AM
Sorry to hear about this mate. If you need any help or if there is anything we can do for you just post and we'll form an orderly queue.
scarlett
22-08-07, 08:01 AM
I hope that the treatments will work, there is some clever stuff out there. A positive mindset is also helpful...psychology plays a massive part in recovery.
I know its hard at the moment, but try and bear in mind the above post. Hope your Mrs is ok and gets sorted out and on the road to recovery soon.
plowsie
22-08-07, 08:29 AM
Tim mate let me know if you need anything mate, thoughts are with you and your family, your a good bloke mate and thats what she needs.
Stu
Holly Sh*t Tim!!!
The best and warmest of heart felt wishes go out to the long suffering Mrs Wilky, you and your family. Im sure that you will get through this difficult time, it just takes time mate.
Tim,
I am sorry to hear of your bad news :(. You were a good friend to me on the AR07 and you are such a nice bloke. All you can do is help your wife as much as you can, be there and be strong. WE the guys and the Gals of the .org will be here for YOU, to help YOU when YOU cant take any more. Its probably gonna get real tough be we are all you friends and anything you need or you need to rant or whatever, you just shout and we will be there.
Take care my friend and please give my best wishes to you wife and your family.
Rick.
Tim,
I am sorry to hear of your bad news :(. You were a good friend to me on the AR07 and you are such a nice bloke. All you can do is help your wife as much as you can, be there and be strong. WE the guys and the Gals of the .org will be here for YOU, to help YOU when YOU cant take any more. Its probably gonna get real tough be we are all you friends and anything you need or you need to rant or whatever, you just shout and we will be there.
Take care my friend and please give my best wishes to you wife and your family.
Rick.
Hear Hear.
CoolGirl
22-08-07, 02:27 PM
Just got back from hols. Really sorry to hear.
Sending you all good vibes. We're not going anywhere - use us, even if it's to rant at in the dark times. Hoping she's getting the best care possible.
so sorry to hear this hope all goes smoothly, and shes back to normal soon, my deepest sympathy, stay strong and as positive as you can they can work miracles nowadays.
DoubleD
22-08-07, 04:01 PM
So sorry to read about this Tim, best wishes and my thoughts are with you and Mrs TW.
Tim in Belgium
22-08-07, 07:50 PM
Tim, my thoughts are with you and your family, if you need help with anything just shout.
plowsie
23-08-07, 08:16 AM
Think this says it all from us Tim :grouphug:
timwilky
30-08-07, 07:44 PM
Once again, thanks for all the good messages.
Lynne had her op today. As well as her breast, they removed her lymph nodes under her right arm and quite a bit of the muscle on her chest as the tumour had adhered to that as well. She is obviously very sore, feeling rotten and quite emotional. The latter two also applies to me.
What else can I say.
Yes, Ladies and us chaps too. There is never such a thing that is not worth bothering the doctor about. If you are ever concerned about anything, see your doctor, if you are not convinced by them, demand a second opinion.
So now we have the recovery, Radiotherapy and chemotherapy to contend with. Somehow I doubt that 2007 will ever be a contender for best year of my life.
Tell Lynne were all thinking of her, and give her our love, you grumpy old sod, and I'll let you have a weep on my shoulder next time I see Ya.
As you said in a previouse post Lynne is a Fighter, so she will soon bounce back.
Take care of yourself and Lynne, Hopefully 2008 will be better for your household.
Love
Richie
have been through the same Tim last year with the sister of my missus. all I can say is that there are better days to come!
chemo will be difficult, the day she goes in and out won't be easy and she will need all the support she can get. after that it gets better till the next session. how many sessions have they said? also may I suggest that you insist she get support with therapy sessions - did miracles in our case!
radio is not that bad and she will be close to the end when she does that so she will be a lot stronger mentally.
there are groups of ladies with similar experiences and when our lady went there she found it very useful and supportive. your missus will lose her hair because of the chemo, I suggest you go out with her and your daughter and buy some nice scarfs that she can wear on her head when going out.
overall her attitude will only be as positive as yours! you have a daughter and a son and they should support you and your wife as much as possible.
if you ever need anything I'm here and my missus sister will speak for her experience openly if you feel you want to
look at the positive side of things! you found it, removed it and now it can only get better
Warthog
30-08-07, 09:07 PM
Thats terrible news Tim, but good that the op is done and over. As Dave the Rave said having a positive mental outlook is a huge contributor to a succesful recovery, so well done for being there for her, I'm sure if you keep smiling it will all be fine in the end.
Nick
dizzyblonde
30-08-07, 09:58 PM
This is the first time I've read this Tim as I have been away and such. I've not read all of it, we have had a close member of our family go through this with a double mascectomy, so I can thoroughly understand what you and your family are going through.
Love and strength I am sending to you.
Your a good egg Tim even though your slightly cracked, I'm sure you'll give her all the support she needs, just being there is enough. And being here is where we all ar for you...thinking of you..both
Yes, Ladies and us chaps too. There is never such a thing that is not worth bothering the doctor about. If you are ever concerned about anything, see your doctor, if you are not convinced by them, demand a second opinion.
I totally agree, and in Lynne's case, it sounds like it was caught before it spread.
My best wishes for Lynne's recovery, radiotherapy and chemotherapy.
Have hope.
:grouphug:
All the best is sent to you the TW family.
The days maybe long and hard and it may seem like you cant fight anymore, but just remember to look to your friends for support and comfort and never give up.
We are all here for you so all you have to do is ask. Take care.
fizzwheel
31-08-07, 07:48 AM
Best wishes for a full recovery to Mrs TW, Tim look after yourself to.
gutted for you both. we are all here for you tim. anytime you want to rant rave moan etc there is always someone on here to listen. keep all your niceness for Mrs Tim.
sending good health thoughts
Bluewolf
31-08-07, 08:01 AM
Ah jeez mate, I'm so sorry to hear this. My mum had the same thing a while ago, her breast cancer was caused by the HRT she was put on after her hysterectomy. Finger crossed for a speedy recovery.
Keep your chin up, you know we're all here for you. :grouphug:
YoungMan
31-08-07, 09:35 PM
The roller coaster is not a good place to be right now and hope the drain is out and your wife is more comfortable now. My wife had a mastectomy and chemo back in 1990 and was fit enough to run off with another fellah in 2003 :-) She was in the Tamoxifan trials as well (scary stuff). Went to every chemo session with her. You'd be suprised how positive the other folks down oncology are - its like a holiday camp.
The positive I can offer is it takes things like this to make you realise how wonderful life is, how it is so worth preserving and the you will do all those things together you wanted to now. Take care and I'm sure she'll pull through.
Well Oiled
01-09-07, 08:19 AM
So sorry to hear of this. I hope all the treatment works exactly as it should and leads to a speedy recovery. My wife had a scare with a breast lump but it turned out to be a cist and was treated easily. For a short time I had a vision of the kind of things you and your wife are going through now. You'll be in our thoughts.
Cheers Keith
Man that's ****, and I totally hear you on your thoughts re "god".
My mum has had osteo arthritis for a long time, and has subsequently developed rheumatoid arthritis. She's on loads of medication, which are all having to weigh up against each other as she has various other diseases. To top it off, about 10 months back she got diagnosed with kidney cancer. This news came just weeks after my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer.
Luckily all has gone well with my mum and sister, with successful operations. I hope everything goes well for you and your wife.
Jase
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