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Forum: Idle Banter 19-06-20, 12:12 PM
Replies: 1,377
Views: 565,949
Posted By keith_d
Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

After three months of tedious lockdown, if you were given the choice of a luxury weekend away with your wife, or a barbeque with your mates, would you choose:

a) Burgers
b) Chicken
c) Sausages
Forum: Idle Banter 30-04-20, 12:34 PM
Replies: 1,377
Views: 565,949
Posted By keith_d
Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

Are my testicles black?

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a...
Forum: Idle Banter 10-07-19, 09:51 AM
Replies: 1,377
Views: 565,949
Posted By keith_d
Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

Came across this on t'interweb..

Unfortunately, my worst fears have been realised.

After four weeks waiting we have got the tests back, and my wife is severely allergic to our new puppy.

I...
Forum: Idle Banter 15-11-18, 04:01 PM
Replies: 1,377
Views: 565,949
Posted By keith_d
Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

Following complaints made to the IRB about the All Blacks being allowed to motivate themselves by performing the 'Haka' before their games, other nations were asked to suggest pre-match rituals of...
Forum: Idle Banter 19-12-15, 09:40 AM
Replies: 1,377
Views: 565,949
Posted By keith_d
Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

Please be advised that all employees planning to dash through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a Risk Assessment addressing...
Forum: Idle Banter 08-05-15, 08:42 AM
Replies: 1,377
Views: 565,949
Posted By keith_d
Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

Labour - No Balls!!

Shadow chancellor loses seat in election.
Forum: Idle Banter 06-04-15, 02:17 PM
Replies: 1,377
Views: 565,949
Posted By keith_d
Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

Scientists have known for some time that plants feel stress. In fact they produce a wide range of chemicals in response to damage (http://jxb.oxfordjournals.org/content/52/354/1.full), and while it...
Forum: Idle Banter 20-09-14, 07:26 PM
Replies: 1,377
Views: 565,949
Posted By keith_d
Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

Ok, time to lower the tone for those you old enough to remember Gompie...

"...Alice. Alice? Where the f**k is Alice?"
Forum: Idle Banter 28-02-14, 12:01 PM
Replies: 1,377
Views: 565,949
Posted By keith_d
Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

Oops, I forgot the obligatory joke.

An American General and an British General are visiting Camp Bastion and by chance end up meeting in the lavatories. The British general finishes his business,...
Forum: Idle Banter 28-02-14, 11:48 AM
Replies: 1,377
Views: 565,949
Posted By keith_d
Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

Hmm....

Richest - only until China decides to sell dollars
Most powerful - but still can't beat a ragtag bunch of Afgan towelheads

Healthiest - only if you can afford the health insurance...
Forum: Idle Banter 18-02-14, 09:18 AM
Replies: 1,377
Views: 565,949
Posted By keith_d
Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

Friedrich Nietzsche demonstrated that he didn't understand Darwin's theory of natural selection when he wrote, "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Forum: Idle Banter 03-01-14, 09:10 AM
Replies: 1,377
Views: 565,949
Posted By keith_d
Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

Drinking and Driving

With the Christmas season just over, I would like to share a personal experience about drinking and driving.

As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes...
Forum: Idle Banter 07-11-13, 09:50 AM
Replies: 1,377
Views: 565,949
Posted By keith_d
Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

Here are a few things to think about that you probably have never thought about and didn't want to anyway.




How important does a person have to be before they are considered...
Forum: Idle Banter 08-03-13, 08:41 AM
Replies: 1,377
Views: 565,949
Posted By keith_d
Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

I've just heard that Justin Beiber is releasing a cover of a Chumbawamba classic, "Can't breathe 'cos your mouth's full of s**t..."
Forum: Idle Banter 17-02-13, 09:32 PM
Replies: 1,377
Views: 565,949
Posted By keith_d
Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

I was told they were claiming he was legless at the time.
Forum: Idle Banter 01-01-13, 09:03 AM
Replies: 1,377
Views: 565,949
Posted By keith_d
Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

Hillary Clinton has recently been found to have a clot behind her right ear.

His name is Bill.
Forum: Idle Banter 18-11-12, 08:01 AM
Replies: 1,377
Views: 565,949
Posted By keith_d
Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

I've just heard that before his death Jimmy Saville was working with Nik Kershaw on a single. It was going to be called "I Won't Let Your Son Go Down On Me"
Forum: Idle Banter 26-07-12, 01:44 PM
Replies: 1,377
Views: 565,949
Posted By keith_d
Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

You may have thought that our Olympic committee were having a bit of a joke when they played the South Korean national anthem for a winning North Korean. But they've got nothing on this:


"The...
Forum: Idle Banter 10-07-12, 05:12 AM
Replies: 1,377
Views: 565,949
Posted By keith_d
Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

Our Teacer was getting a little dispirited by now, but she decided to give Paddy one last chance.

Sally:- Thank you Patrick. Could you also give the class an example using the word torture.
...
Forum: Idle Banter 06-07-12, 09:31 AM
Replies: 1,377
Views: 565,949
Posted By keith_d
Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

I'm not saying our weather is crap. But my mate at London zoo is getting nuisance calls from some bloke called Noah who wants to know if they've got any dodos.
Forum: Idle Banter 26-06-12, 01:37 PM
Replies: 1,377
Views: 565,949
Posted By keith_d
Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

"We have examined your CV, and it a mass of lies. Your qualifications are fake, your work history is complete fiction and you have used your friends for references...

... Excellent!! Welcome to...
Forum: Idle Banter 10-02-12, 08:28 AM
Replies: 1,377
Views: 565,949
Posted By keith_d
Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

....... I just got off the phone from a friend living in Scotland -


He said that the snow has been falling since early this morning and the drifts around his house are now almost waist high.
...
Forum: Idle Banter 07-02-12, 01:54 PM
Replies: 1,377
Views: 565,949
Posted By keith_d
Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

Apologies if these have already been posted...



How do they serve alcoholic drinks on Italian cruise ships? - On the rocks

Which vegetables do you get with dinner on Italian cruise ships?...
Forum: Idle Banter 17-12-11, 09:05 AM
Replies: 1,377
Views: 565,949
Posted By keith_d
Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

I'm hoping Bob doesn't have a small moustache and megalomania...

http://vimeo.com/25845008

Be sure to watch the the credits.
Forum: Idle Banter 03-12-11, 05:29 AM
Replies: 1,377
Views: 565,949
Posted By keith_d
Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

Yeah, it's completely wrong. An SA80 sounds nothing like that.
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