Quote:
Originally Posted by Ed
Oh Matt I can't even begin to understand the hurt and the pain that this has caused you. But I can see the strength that has carried you through. You don't say if he left a note or what the inquest verdict was - suicide or killed himself - but the fact is that there is a gaping big hole in your life, and any loss, especially sudden and unexplained loss, is bound to be very very painful.
Remember him with fondness and love, forgive him, don't blame him - it will only cause bitterness and more upset. Rather than live in the life that you have lost, you must look forwards and get on with and enjoy the life that you have, and all that you have to look forward to. Easy for me to say, I know.
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Nope, no note, nothing. My poor nan found him in his room, hung himself, and the inquest into his death concluded it was definatly suicide...but its such a selfish act, and my cousin wasn't selfish...thats why I didn't want to beleive it.
I couldn't help but blame him and be angry with him at first, how can you not be angry? But you know, it was how he saw fit to deal with his life.
Every now and then, I'll have a dream about him. And we'll do something together in that dream...maybe change the wheels on his car for new ones, maybe stand outside hanging about while he smokes a cig and tells me "don't smoke, its bad for you".
I'm glad it was ok to bring it up on here, and I'm glad you guys can talk about your losses too. I don't wanna talk about my cousin with my mum or dad or anyone in my family incase I upset them or whatever...its just not the done thing in my family to bring up stuff.
Thanks for your kind replies guys, and I'm sorry to those who've lost someone important to them, before James died I wondered how it would feel, and since feeling that way its possibly the worst thing you could feel...and I wouldn't wish it upon anybody to have to suffer the agony of living on when a loved one has departed
And incase Maria is reading...I love you lots
Lets have another group hug
Matt