xXBADGERXx

Hospital

He gets a first aider to come and tend to me , the Knee feels tight and sore and my wrist has gone the complexion of a sheet of A4 paper , including the little blue lines and Margin down one side . My hip feels sore as well in a minor way and the left ankle makes it known that it isn`t too happy about its treatment of late . My ribs start to hurt like hell as well and I reach for my inhaler and take a toot on it and that`s when the pain really hit me . The first aider goes and gets a car and takes me and one other guy who has fallen off his pushbike , to the Hospital . We sign in and the other feller takes a seat , I prefer to stand as my breathing is not dissimilar to Darth Vader by now and the coughing I am trying to avoid is making me sound like I am revving up . I get told off for standing and tell the nurse that I am happier that way , she tries to tell me again and I remind her that unless she has assessed me first then it`s just best to leave me be the way I am the most comfortable . I eventually get shown in and it`s her LOL . She assesses me and admits that it was best for me to be propped up as I was against the wall . She escorts me to a cubicle , well ….. she walks and points and I shuffle along , wheezing , covered in Black bike gear and I know what`s coming next . The curtain comes across and a cheery Nurse steps in with Glee and says “I`ve come to strip you off” ………… Oh joy . Cheery Nurse now has me down to my Undercrackers and then proceeds to tell me that her husband works where I do and I actually know the guy , so now his wife has seen me all but naked , standing there in Xmas socks and humourous Black Boxer shorts with big Red kisses all over them ………. Why couldn`t I have decked it when wearing NORMAL underwear . She gowns me up and fetches me a blanket and I lay down on the Gurney and get comfortable . She assesses me further and concludes that nothing serious is going on with the ankle , hip and wrist , but , she doesn`t like the way I am holding my ribs and the sound I am making . I assure her I have had worse and then proceed to cough and “OW” each time and she gives me that look …………. “Yeah Right , I`m, fetching a Doctor”

They say that Doctor Williams in on HER way to see me , oh joy , more shame from the underwear of embarrassment . An hour later and still no Dr . Hmmmm , suppose they are very busy on days like this . Then I hear a voice saying “Dr Williams is here” ………….. “oh great can you tell her to see the Biker chap in Cubicle 1 please” …………….. “Umm no she can`t , she`s arrived in a wheelchair and is in Cubicle 6 , suspected broken ankle” ………. DOH!!!!! . Eventually I get another Dr around 11 who examines me and notices from my records that I have been in there for Broken and Dislocated shoulder and examines that , I manage to move all the bits she asks me to and she`s happy that they are ok but wants an X-Ray on the knee . She then proceeds to check my chest out and puts her hand on my back and starts pressing ribs , that`s when they had to get 2 orderlies to try and prise me off the ceiling with broomhandles ……….. it hurt , then the coughing started then the pain again and off to X-Ray it was .

Oh joy , more Ladies in the X-Ray department and I have now vowed to burn the “Kissy Lip” boxer shorts because everyone is sniggering at them and I feel a right Charley Hunt for wearing them . I am leaned back on a cold plate for the chest X-Ray and told to keep still , the coughing decides to make a re-appearance and ruins the shot . Another shot is taken and the Knee is X-Rayed as well . I am wheeled back to my cubicle and the Dr turns up and says I have a cracked rib , possibly another one and to take it very easy , she can`t offer me crutches for my knee as it would irritate the ribs more . I thanked her for her time and got dressed . Ten minutes later I have got my Jeans back on and my sweatshirt and am nearly passed out on the bed with the effort (feel like a right cissy No0b) and manage to get the rest of my kit on . I am given Morphine based painkillers which I glom down right away , a new inhaler for my travels and I bid the ladies a good farewell and a jolly thankyou for their time and stride out of Hospital …………….. actually I don`t , I thank the girls for their efforts and time and shuffle out of their like somebody that has done 10 rounds with a Welterweight Boxer and am greeted to a scene of almost epic proportions ………. There are absolutely bundles of people in here with slings on , neck braces , legs wrapped up in bandages , Paramedics decanting people into chairs and scuttling back off again whilst throwing paperwork at the receptionists . In the car park it is no better with people coming in by car , very slowly and looking like they too have had an Icy fall . I am almost to the door when I hear my name being called out . It`s the Dr and shes a bit puzzled , “Where are you going Mr Roberts?” ………. “Ummm home” …….. “Oh no you aren`t , I haven`t said you can go yet , you are to stay here under obs for the time being if you will” ………… so I relent and head back in , almost made it to the barbed wire fence chaps .

I am checked on periodically and send some return texts to ones that were sent previously and organize a lift home , Luckypants offers assistance and was the very first to do so but I have managed to get a local mate to come and get me when I make the call . Dr comes in and checks my ribs once every 2 hours . I manage to get comfy and the warm buzz of the pills makes me very sleepy so I get some shut eye . It gets to around 6 and they are happy to let me go . I am very puzzled as to why they kept me in so long but don`t question the reasoning , just glad I am ok and seem to be in better shape than those that were wheeled past me throughout the day , loads of other bikers looking in a far worse state I can tell you . I give them thumbs up and they return them , not much I know but to some it`s enough . Eventually I am freed and I throw my bike trousers over my shoulder and shuffle out of there and make the call . The car is here within minutes and I make a bid for home .