It sounds like its time for track days. If you need to feed the adrenaline bug but don't like the idea of turning yourself into a bunch of wilting flowers tied to a tree on a country road, then hit the track. Known circumstances all the time (relatively speaking)
I realised last year that If I'd carried on riding as fast as I did on the road it was going to be a very serious accident *when* it came.
So stopped hooning on the road. And I hadn't had that accident. Since getting on the track, I've had two offs, both in the wet, both walked away from (relatively speaking) but there were no tractors or gate posts to hit.
Crashing has a different effect on everyone. I get back on and brush it off. Sh*t happens, and I know that riding like a loon makes that Sh*t more likely to happen. Others take a different view. We're all different.
But then I believe if you're born to be shot and you'll never be hung. So if I destined to shuffle off this Mortal Coil on a bike, I'll go on a bike. If I'm meant to die with the Swedish Biking team... I'll go out in Style
C