Well, so good news and bad news.
Good news is the 2 small bearings were from the worm gear. Either I lost 2 more, or the previous owner lost those 2 (4 open holes and I had 2 ball bearings), but it looks like it'll work just fine missing 2 spaced out.
Both spark plugs were good, the rear one got about an 1/8th of a turn to tighten it, the front one was fine. Both the exhaust headers were also good.
Front cam chain is solid, probably
had 1-3mm of play (guessing from feel). Here's a look
down the chain if it's important. The rear was looser,
at probably 6-8mm of play in the center. It was hard to get an exact reading, my caliper was actually hitting the tank, so I had to have it at an angle.
Also just for prosperity and if some other noob like myself comes across this post, the tank holder bar I had didn't lift the tank up enough,
some paracord works well going across the tank to the opposing cargo attachment points. Additionally, be sure to hold onto your bits, cause Suzuki apparently designed hidey holes in the frame for dropped things. There's
a cutout just like this one in the frame directly under it, and took me about 10 minutes to find where my 5mm allen bit went.
So guys, unless that rear cam chain is the culprit for my noise (which I just can't beleive 7mm of travel would cause it), my guess is a main bearing from the connecting rod to the crank shaft went. I'll confirm it with
the method this person uses, but I suspect that's the case. If anyone has other ideas, please feel free, but it looks like I might have an off season project engine to work on.