UK Tax announcement - stimulus payment - SV650.org

flymo · 12-01-11, 10:01 AM

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.
This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:

Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?

A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers.

Q.. Where will the government get this money ?

A. >From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?

A. Only a smidgen of it.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?

A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. economy by spending your stimulus cheque wisely:

* If you spend the stimulus money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to China , Taiwan or Sri Lanka .

* If you spend it on petrol, your money will go to the Arabs.

* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China .

* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala ..

* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea .

* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .

* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in the UK by:

1) Spending it at car boot sales, or

2) Going to night clubs, or

3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
4) Beer or whisky or

5) Tattoos.

(These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. )

Conclusion:

Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night !

No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.

G · 12-01-11, 10:20 AM

Damn I thought I was getting some money for nothing.

12-01-11, 10:24 AM

andrewsmith · 12-01-11, 10:26 AM

Jayneflakes · 12-01-11, 02:11 PM

Ooh hang on, can I spend the money at my local dealers? Been a good few years since I had a smoke, that way I am supporting a local small scale farmer!

12-01-11, 02:15 PM

Ooh Jayne. You are norty!

andrewsmith · 12-01-11, 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jayneflakes

Ooh hang on, can I spend the money at my local dealers? Been a good few years since I had a smoke, that way I am supporting a local small scale farmer!

Nah thats a dutchman up here

12-01-11, 03:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by G

Damn I thought I was getting some money for nothing.

No such thing. Stop trying to live in the past.

G · 12-01-11, 03:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stig

No such thing. Stop trying to live in the past.

I know, unfortunately I have a job and no kids

12-01-11, 05:59 PM

ok flymo will do, when am i getting the cheque?

12-01-11, 10:01 AM	#1
flymo Member Mega Poster Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: North West Posts: 3,124	UK Tax announcement - stimulus payment Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment. This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format: Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ? A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers. Q.. Where will the government get this money ? A. >From taxpayers. Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ? A. Only a smidgen of it. Q. What is the purpose of this payment ? A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy. Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ? A. Shut up. Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. economy by spending your stimulus cheque wisely: * If you spend the stimulus money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to China , Taiwan or Sri Lanka . * If you spend it on petrol, your money will go to the Arabs. * If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China . * If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala .. * If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea . * If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan . * If you pay your credit cards off, or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore. Instead, keep the money in the UK by: 1) Spending it at car boot sales, or 2) Going to night clubs, or 3) Spending it on prostitutes, or 4) Beer or whisky or 5) Tattoos. (These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. ) Conclusion: Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night ! No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.

12-01-11, 10:20 AM	#2
G Member Mega Poster Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 3,770	Re: UK Tax announcement - stimulus payment Damn I thought I was getting some money for nothing. __________________ 6.67300 × 10-11 m3 kg-1 s-2

12-01-11, 10:24 AM	#3
Reeder Guest Posts: n/a	Re: UK Tax announcement - stimulus payment

12-01-11, 10:26 AM	#4
andrewsmith Member Mega Poster Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, Just south of salad dodging country Posts: 7,750	Re: UK Tax announcement - stimulus payment __________________ RIP Reeder 20/07/1988 - 21/03/2012. Always missed squire!!! Every year we meet old friends, gain some new ones, lose old ones and you always remember them all. “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” Mahatma Gandhi

12-01-11, 02:15 PM	#6
Reeder Guest Posts: n/a	Re: UK Tax announcement - stimulus payment Ooh Jayne. You are norty!

12-01-11, 05:59 PM	#10
Bluefish Guest Posts: n/a	Re: UK Tax announcement - stimulus payment ok flymo will do, when am i getting the cheque?

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