How dumb are you???

This thread is for those who would like to get off their chest any funny/ silly stupid, dumbass moments you've encountered. Then look back and think how dumb was I.

I'll begin by telling you the time I fitted a new bath in my house. As some of you will know when fitting the sealant its best to fill the bath so it sinks into place allowing the sealant to dry.

So I decide to clean up after myself and hoover the mess I made in the bathroom.
As I do this I notice a cobweb above the bath and think I'll get that with the extension rod.

Just I'm leaning across the bath the attachment falls apart and the nozzle dives head first into the bath.

The noise goes from a sucking sound to a gargling sound very quicky. In a panic I kick out the nozzle and switch off the hoover hoping the water only went up the pipe. But Oh no! My hoover was full of water.

What a Dumbass!

Anyone else come from Dumbasscass?????????????

Mrs Tricky once started her car up without checking it was in gear, it was.
She had actually started it without getting in the car.
Unfortunately the car was parked right in front of the garage

I was inside the house and heard an enormous ferking crash, looked outside to see Mrs T stood at the side of her car (which is now halfway in the garage after doing a pretty good job of completely destroying the garage door) crying.

The car, a Fiat Cinqecento Sporting (nicknamed the biscuit tin because of its suspect build quality) was remarkably undamaged.

The question of who left it in gear in the first place has never been answered

I've done some really stupid stuff...

I shoved a key into a plug socket when i was 3...sods law i'd hit the positive and was thrown 6ft backwards before landing on my butt and going to get my key back needless to say it got left where it was.

I followed my stepdad into 10ft pool having never swam in my life and had to be pulled out by my hair I stopped breathing for 10 mins or so apparently .

I towed my brother home after his bike broke down..Tied a rope between his bars (CR125 with siezed piston) and my backpack ( I was on my GasGas and there's nowhere to tie it to).....was going well till i nailed it in fourth and got dragged off bike backwards My bike was only 2 days old at the time

I took my playstation to pieces to clean the internals, got the case off and wiped everything down inside...forgot to unplug it.....touched one of those black cylinder things and got a right belt.

By my count i've got 6 lifes left....

I voted Tory once.

todays top tip

If on a rideout, keep well back from Stormspiel !

no mre entried just give me the prize now, id like to thank the academy etc etc/.................


last saturday night whilst working at a club in the hole that god forgot, or Hull if you want to be picky.

i was told that my speaker on the floor in front of the stage constituted a health hazzard.

because the Blind people in the club wouldnt be able to see it when they turned the lights off

this isnot a joke.

Oh god where do i start....

Whilst flying solo at age 17 i was coming downwind about to start the turn to final approach. The wind however had pushed me intowards the runway, so instead of calling the landing off and performing a go around, i opted for the top gun approach. Pulled a hard 4g turn to the left to align with the runway, which inturn induced a massive rate of sink. I leveled out, still sinking fast, and slammed the aircraft onto the runway. Upon requesting another take off, i was told to park the aircraft "immediately and report to the DI (duty instructor) to explain" what exactly that last landing was all about. The aircraft was made U/S and was found to have suffered hairline fractures in the landing struts. I was grounded for a month.

My dad once adjusted the clutch on my SV without informing me of it. I got on the bike, clutch in, selected first, and went to set off... but wait.. where the hell is that biting point.... further..... further..... nope. God Damned! So in a fit of anger (id just had a row with my mum) i dialled in a good few rpm and dumped the clutch... wheel popped up, i grabbed the clutch back in... and the wheel slammed down.. i tankslapped my way across the street and smack... into my dads car at 10mph. My dad never touched my bike again.

Trying to replace the clutch plates on my CBR400 the centre clutch nut wouldnt come off.. so i used brute force. And snapped some parts inside.. whole new clutch basket needed ordering.. for £50 from belgium. I could have had the plates replaced professionally for about £25. Moral of story... patience is a virtue.

I could go on but feel my honest has added enough to my bad boy reputation already.

Originally Posted by keithd

I voted Tory once.

I could fill the server with stupid things I've done.....here are two;

I once decided that I was going to buy a shed. As the garden already had the concete down for the base and to save a few pounds, I thought me and a friend could put it up ourselves...simple, eh?

After putting up the sides without incident, I went onto the roof and it didn't quite go. So I cursed, shoved, hammered, even utilised the natural flexibility in the wood by bending it. The tops didn't meet but that was sorted with some large nails. Anyway, it finally went up and my wife pops out to look at it and noticed some large gaps where the roof meets the sides and that it all looks warped. Then looks at the diagram, then the roof, then the diagrams again. Her next words were simple but cutting, "you fool, the roof panels are the wrong way round".... In order to put up a good defence about useless diagrams I rechecked the instructions and there in black and white was confirmation that I had indeed put the roof on the wrong way round.

The shed stayed as it was and was sold "as an extra" with the house when we moved out!

----

For those who don't know me....which is just about everyone on this forum fortunately (after the first admission), I'm a pretty socially anxious person with insecurities about meeting new people and little confidence.

When we were invited to a wedding where I knew few people, I decided to take the bull by the horns and attend with an air of confidence.

After the meal, there was a huge group in a lounge, just chatting and laughing and we (my wife and I) joined them. I laughed at the right moments and started to feel comfortable with these people.

The topic got onto smoking (and I'm a smoker) and the warnings that now appear on tobacco and cigarettes. So, I thought I'd join in the banter by piping up in a booming voice so all could hear me. My words were "There's one warning that says smoking can make you incontinent which is great for me cause I don't want any more kids" and I laughed at my own joke. They all looked bemused and one of them said, "pardon?". So I repeated my line and all I got was a stony silence.

I'm thinking, now come on, that was a bl00dy funny line until someone said "don't you mean impotent?" There was a moment of agonising silence and then polite, mingled with embarassed, laughter. As I left to get a drink, the laughter grew to a roar fit for a Billy Connelly show at the Albert Hall.

Fortunately, I never saw them again....

Mine is so agonisingly embarrassing! It was 30 years ago but I still cringe now.

I was only 8, and had been taken sailing by some Very Posh friends of my parents, whilst out in the bay we decided to do some mackeral fishing and amongst the mackeral caught a Pollock.

when we got back to the harbour, these friends let me take the fish back to Mum to have for our tea, and I very innocently asked
'what was the name of the other fish - a B****ck?'

Well after posting numerous threads and asking some pretty dumb questions about fitting my nice new shiny exhaust i still couldn't make head nor tail of it so i called the good people at CCC and they explained to me in idiot talk how i should go about it. stick with it it gets really fooking stupid in a mo

I follwed there instructions but was having an almighty battle trying to get the can position right so it would clear the swing arm ...anyway i sort of succeeded but with minimal clearance.
Then one night i happened to check the thread i placed on fitting the above mentioned can and lots of you good people had added to it one in paticular TC3 had posted some lovely pic's of his can.

So what had yours truly done wrong???

HAD THE LINK PIPE THE WRONG WAY ROUND
Now i was gonna confess all but thought better against it, but what the heck.....Do i get muppett of the year award

Cuffy
The most totally inept bloke at anything mechanical
for all those that helped