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Old 18-05-06, 12:54 PM   #1
inevitable
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Default funny tale

This is a quick story about the bond formed between a little girl and group of builders.

It's allegedly true and makes you want to believe in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human race.

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant building plot.
One day Willie Smith and a gang of building workers turned up to start building a house on the empty plot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.
She Hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing two pounds in 10p coins. The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account. When they got to the bank the cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had a 'pay packet'.

"You must have worked very hard to earn all this" said the bank cashier.

The little girl proudly replied, "I worked all last week with the men building a big house."

"My goodness gracious," said the cashier, "Will you be working on the house again this week, as well?"

The little girl thought for a moment and said..............

"I think so. Provided those lazy c*nts at Jewson deliver the f*cking bricks on time."
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Old 18-05-06, 01:03 PM   #2
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Reminds me of Kevin Bloody Wilson's 'The Builder Song'
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Old 18-05-06, 01:06 PM   #3
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Hmmmmmmmmmm - could the inspiration have come from a certain Kevin 'Bloody' Wilson song I wonder ??

Still funny though !!
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Old 18-05-06, 01:07 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JakeRS
Reminds me of Kevin Bloody Wilson's 'The Builder Song'
He is GOD! I saw him at Theater Royal in York last november, totally brilliant - definately going to see him this year when he comes back!

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F!!!

Grandads Got A Stiffy!

Absolute C*** Of A Day!

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Old 18-05-06, 01:08 PM   #5
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tee hee hee hee hee, never heard the song, good tale
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Old 18-05-06, 01:48 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by getyerkneedown
Quote:
Originally Posted by JakeRS
Reminds me of Kevin Bloody Wilson's 'The Builder Song'
He is GOD! I saw him at Theater Royal in York last november, totally brilliant - definately going to see him this year when he comes back!

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F!!!

Grandads Got A Stiffy!

Absolute C*** Of A Day!

I think it's called "Grandad's Got a Bone" actually

And the story definitely reminds me of "I wanna be a builder when I grow up" which is on My Australian Roots.
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Old 18-05-06, 09:14 PM   #7
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I'm a ****ing builder and I don't ****ing swear
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Old 19-05-06, 12:39 PM   #8
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School holidays were draggin' on
He was gettin' really bored
And his Mum had started poppin' pills
She was climbin' up the walls

So when he asked her could he go across
The buildin' site and play
She just popped another pill 'n' just said
"Don't get in the way"

So he chucked his little toolbox
In his billycart 'n' left
While his Mum knocked up a cuppa
Laced with Valium and Bex

She needed all the help she could
To cope with holidays
But the pills and powders weren't enough
When he got home from play ... 'n' said ...

Chorus
I wanna be a f*****' builder when I grow up ... eh, Mum
And build f*****' houses everywhere, millions of the c***s
A bricky or a chippy, eh Mum, I don't give a f***
I just wanna be a f*****' builder when I grow up

It seemed the sawn-off little sh*t
Had listened to the builders while they worked
And he'd remembered everything --
Word for f*****' word!

And his shell-shocked Mum just sat there
As he went on to explain
How "some w****r lost the f*****' plans
Then found the c***s again!"

And how "some ******** missed the f*****' nail
And hit his f*****' thumb!"
And how "they shaved a mickey whisker
Off the door to close the c***!"

And his voice was so excited
Best fun he'd ever had!
"And can I go back tomorrow, Mum?
Can't wait till I tell Dad, how ...

Chorus
I wanna be a f*****' builder when I grow up ... eh, Mum
And build f*****' houses everywhere, millions of the c***s
A bricky or a chippy, eh Mum, I don't give a f***
I just wanna be a f*****' builder when I grow up

His Mum was scoffin' Scotch and Serepax
And propped against the fridge
And when his Dad got home she dribbled
"Tell your father what you said"

So the young bloke give his Dad a serve
The air was turnin' blue
"F*** the weather, f*** the foreman
'N' f*** the unions, too!"

His old man turned f*****' purple
'N' his whole body started to twitch
Until finally he exploded
"Go and get a switch!"

But the young bloke shook his head
'N' said, "No way, mate, I've knocked off
Anyway, you c'n go 'n' get rooted
Cause that's a f*****' electrician's job!"

Chorus
I wanna be a f*****' builder when I grow up ... eh, Mum
And build f*****' houses everywhere, millions of the c***s
A bricky or a chippy, eh Mum, I don't give a f***
I just wanna be a f*****' builder when I grow up

Yeah, I wanna be a f*****' builder when I grow up ... eh, Mum
And build f*****' houses everywhere, millions of the c***s
A bricky or a chippy, eh Mum, I don't give a f***
I just wanna be a f*****' builder when I grow up

Yeah, I wanna be a f*****' builder when I grow up ... eh, Mum
And build f*****' houses everywhere, millions of the c***s
A bricky or a chippy, eh Mum, I don't give a f***
I just wanna be a f*****' builder when I grow up

Hope I haven't missed an 'edit'
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Old 19-05-06, 01:27 PM   #9
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I was gonna post that but thought i best not for fear of being flamed!
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Old 19-05-06, 01:29 PM   #10
Amanda M
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Brilliant!!!!
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