Earthquake

An earthquake measuring 5.3 on the Richter scale hit Burnley in the early hours of Wednesday. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Fooockinell". The tremor decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa del Sol were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived.

Rock FM 97.4 reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Burnley. One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes come running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Jeremy Kyle the next morning."

Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland..

HOW CAN YOU HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.
Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:
Fila or Burberry baseball caps
Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
Shell suits (female)
White sport socks
Rockport boots and any other items usually sold in Primark and TJ Hughes.
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

Required foodstuffs include:
Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.
£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9.
£5 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected


Please help

Michael

[timwilky]

Yes, that is dingle country. Burnley would have been improved by an earthquake

dsyslexia was the cause of the signing of Stan Ternent as manager of Burnley FC. The locals thought they where buying in Stan Tennent of the famous lager brewing family. Obviously they know nothing about football and even less about beer.

why then does Moorhouses have to brew their witches in Burnley when there is a damm fine brewing tradition down the road in Blackburn.


Burnley for those of you confused by geography is a small town near Padiham.

[dizzyblonde]

Originally Posted by Scuba1

.

Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes come running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all.

not far from the truth, one of my neighbours had a child recently...she called him Jaxson
I just blurted out without thinking
" so you named him after a supermarket?"( which is the name of the local mini store)
her face was mortified





and yes i live in Chav central

That was funny Scuba1