I just found out I am a father... (read comment)

Originally Posted by specialone

None of business tbh but i have been in a crappy relationship which took me years to realise it, so i kinda know what you're on about.
The reason why you havent got over your ex imo is you havent moved on mentally, you should see other people, have minimal contact with your ex.

By all means make your daughter priority, but move on asap, you are on this earth for a very short time, make the most of it cos ultimately you can spend a lot of time dwelling, once you have made that leap you'll look back and wont recognise yourself back then compared to the new you.

In my experience, it doesnt even seem like it was me, its as though its a story someone told me and i have it in memory but i have blanked it now to where its insignificant and thats it will seem like to you eventually.

Hope it all works out for you mate, life is precious, dont let it pass you by.

Phil

I have been out with two people since not seeing my Daughter's mother, one relationship lasted 2 years (if that had gone to plan I'd have been married by now and I daren't think what would be happening...)

But, I don't really feel deserved of anyone now after what I have done to my daughter's mother

[gruntygiggles]

Originally Posted by Cymraeg_Atodeg

Well, I haven't got over her in 5 years, so, that doesn't bode well...

I will do nothing to upset my daughter, I mean nothing! If me and her mum can't see eye to eye I will do whatever the mum wants and if that means never seeing her again I accept that, but, I will still pay her for whatever my daughter needs

That's very good Tony......but if you're not happy yourself, you won't be very good at being happy for your daughter. You WILL get over your ex...IMO you've not been able to for so long because you've had so much unfinished business. That chapter is over now and you're entering a new one. You know that there is no future for you and your ex, so your future is for your daughter and one day, some other lucky lady.

Just stop being so hard on yourself x

Originally Posted by Cymraeg_Atodeg

I have been out with two people since not seeing my Daughter's mother, one relationship lasted 2 years (if that had gone to plan I'd have been married by now and I daren't think what would be happening...)

But, I don't really feel deserved of anyone now after what I have done to my daughter's mother

Sorry mate, i just re-read your OP, i hadnt read your op properly.

Dont put yourself down, it takes two and all that.
We all do things that were not proud of /wish we could change, but what makes us the better person is what we do while facing foward not looking back.
Dont dwell on the past, look forward and try to be positive cos being negative can make you and everyone around you miserable.

You will be a better person to be around for your daughter as well if you're a positive person, that can be infectious and only be a good thing to pass on to her.
I know its easy to write on a forum but it will make a difference.

[gruntygiggles]

Originally Posted by Cymraeg_Atodeg

Cheers Keith

Having a daughter hasn't daunted me, paying for her hasn't daunted me, it changing my life doesn't bother me.

The mum hating me, that upsets me

Tony...if she hated you, she would not be talking to you as I know she has been. She's just got her guard up and you can't blame her for that. I think she's doing the right thing by your daughter...making sure you prove yourself before letting you in any more.

She doesn't hate you Tony. Remember that!

She does, trust me, that much is clear. But, she is being adult about it and not letting her hate stop her daughter having her father around.

I want to be there for my daughter, but, I feel bad because, like I said, I sitll like the mother...

Originally Posted by specialone

Sorry mate, i just re-read your OP, i hadnt read your op properly.

Dont put yourself down, it takes two and all that.
We all do things that were not proud of /wish we could change, but what makes us the better person is what we do while facing foward not looking back.
Dont dwell on the past, look forward and try to be positive cos being negative can make you and everyone around you miserable.

You will be a better person to be around for your daughter as well if you're a positive person, that can be infectious and only be a good thing to pass on to her.
I know its easy to write on a forum but it will make a difference.

I am proud of my daughter and I being her father, I wouldn't change that for the world, but, I am a depressive person, one of my traits.

I will be happy and joyous around her because she deserves happiness.

I can just be upset and unhappy when I am on my won

Originally Posted by Cymraeg_Atodeg

I am proud of my daughter and I being her father, I wouldn't change that for the world, but, I am a depressive person, one of my traits.

I will be happy and joyous around her because she deserves happiness.

I can just be upset and unhappy when I am on my won

Unfortunately, some people are more prone to depression than others, doesnt mean you have to accept it and not do anything about it.
Cant offer any practical advice beyond what i have already posted, i genuinely hope it all works out for the better mate, sharing your experiences with others is defo a good step in the right direction especially as you say you dont normally.

Phil

This is honestly the first bit of news I have ever shared, but, I lost a friend last year, as did many on here and being on here helped with that, so, thought I would give it a go.

I don't think I am prone to depression, I just think I an naturally a depressed person... Always been on the sadder, darker side of life me.

I can only hope for better as my daughter makes me happy, but, her mother make me sad. Going to be interesting times

[keith_d]

Hopefully, you can see a little of the mother's perspective too. The last few years have probably had more than their share of s***ty bits for her and, right or wrong, she blames you. So she's not going to be rolling out the red carpet.

If life starts getting a bit better for her in the future maybe some of that resentment will wear off. In the mean time, if she can set it aside for your daughters sake that's a good start, and seeing you want what's best for your daughter too will help.

I don't imagine this is going to be easy, but I hope you can work it out.

Keith.

Originally Posted by Cymraeg_Atodeg

She does, trust me, that much is clear. But, she is being adult about it and not letting her hate stop her daughter having her father around.

I want to be there for my daughter, but, I feel bad because, like I said, I sitll like the mother...

I need to stop going on vacation... every time I come back, things have happened.