The Comedy Club - Post Your Jokes Here

Biker sitting in a pub, quietly nursing his pint, when the door opens and in walks a lady of easily negotiable affection. She sits at the bar next to our hero and says in a husky voice, “Hey big boy, have you ever had a thrill?”
“Yeah,” replies the biker, “I was out on my bike and was rippin’ down some country lanes; the sun was shinin’, the little birds were tweetin’, the bike was runnin’ sweet and everythin’ was cool.”
“No, silly,” I mean have you ever had a real thrill?” she asks again.
“Oh yeah,” he answers. “I was cranking it over into some really tight bends and the footpegs were scraping out with sparks flying behind me!”
Bloody hell, she thinks, this bloke is so thick his brain must be custard. I’ll make it simple for him.
“What I mean is,” she says, as she runs her hand up the inside of his thigh and squeezes his nuts, opens her legs to reveal a complete absence of panties and hair, “have you ever felt a c**t?”
“Yeah,” he says. “I fell off.”

[Stingo]

Not really a joke - more a sort of observation....

In the Northampton area there is a company that sells lounge furniture,and is called THE SOFA KING and on the back of his van it says his clients are sofa king happy because his sofa's are sofa king good.
Not sure how he gets away with it really

Originally Posted by Stingo

Not really a joke - more a sort of observation....

In the Northampton area there is a company that sells lounge furniture,and is called THE SOFA KING and on the back of his van it says his clients are sofa king happy because his sofa's are sofa king good.
Not sure how he gets away with it really

That is a cunning stunt.

Originally Posted by Stingo

Not really a joke - more a sort of observation....

In the Northampton area there is a company that sells lounge furniture,and is called THE SOFA KING and on the back of his van it says his clients are sofa king happy because his sofa's are sofa king good.
Not sure how he gets away with it really

Thats just brilliant!

A bloke walks into the Dr's and said he had a bit of an embarrasing problem "down below"
So the Dr asked the patient to remove his trouser and underpants and to his amazment he saw a bright orange penis.

The doc has this perplexed look on his face, scratches his head and asks
"Does anyone else in your family suffer with this condition"?

The concerned patient replied no,

"Do you handle any dangerous chemicals at work?" asked the doc.

"I don't work" replied the geezer

"well may i ask what you do all day?" asked the doc.











































"I sit at home watching porn and eating wotsits" came the reply

[jambo]

Originally Posted by Swiss

That is a cunning stunt.

[Spanner Man]

I'm ducking!

A “modern” Islamic couple, preparing for a religious wedding meets with their Mullah for counseling.
The Mullah asks if they have any last questions before they leave. The man asks “We realize it’s tradition in Islam for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women. But, at our wedding reception, we’d like your permission to dance together.”
“Absolutely not” says the Mullah. “It’s immoral. Men and women always dance separately.”
“So after the ceremony I can’t even dance with my own wife?” says the man.
“No” answered the Mullah, “It’s forbidden in Islam“.
“Well, okay” says the man, “What about sex? Can we finally have sex?”
“Of course!” replies the Mullah, “Allah ho Akber! Sex is OK within marriage, to have children!”
“What about different positions?” asks the man.
“Allah ho Akber! No problem” says the Mullah.
“Woman on top?” the man asks. “Sure” says the Mullah. “Allah ho Akber. Go for it!”
“Doggy style?”
“Sure! Allah ho Akber!”
“On the kitchen table?”
“Yes, yes! Allah ho Akber!”
“Can we I do it with all my four wives together on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil, a couple of vibrators, leather harnesses, a bucket of honey and a porno video?”
“You may indeed. Allah ho Akber!”
“Can we do it standing up?”
“No” says the Mullah.
“Why not?” asks the man. “Because that could lead to dancing“…

Whats the difference between light and hard?












You can sleep with a light on!!!