The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes - Page 116 - SV650.org

BanannaMan · 26-04-15, 04:30 AM

Out in space two alien forms are speaking with each other.

The first spaceman says, "The dominant life forms on the earth planet have developed satellite-based weapons."

The second alien, who looks exactly like the first, asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"

The first spaceman says, "I don't think so, they have them aimed at themselves."

TimTucker · 26-04-15, 02:48 PM

I heard this joke the other week on Radcliffe & Maconie's BBC 6Music show and it rather amused me.

This week, I decided to try to teach my dog to play the trumpet while travelling on the London Underground.

It went surprisingly well and we managed to get from Barking to Tooting in little over an hour.

KingDerelict · 30-04-15, 04:05 PM

I got chatting to this attractive French girl the other day.

“What do you do for a living?” I asked.

She replied, “I am, how you say, a specialist in etiquette.”

Turned out she was a travel agent.

KingDerelict · 30-04-15, 04:09 PM

A mate of mine is a landscape gardener and he's having a terrible time lately.

Last month, he had an accident with a chainsaw and chopped off the ends of both his feet.

Then last week, his wife decided she had to leave him.

Turned out she was lactose-intolerant.

BanannaMan · 30-04-15, 10:27 PM

Was sitting in the shade on a hot day, sipping a cool drink while watching my girlfriend mow the lawn
when the lady next door peered over the fence and yelled "You ought to be hung!"
So I yelled back, "I am, that's why she does the mowing!"

punyXpress · 01-05-15, 10:21 PM

It will be the 'fight of the century' is how the Mayweather Vs Pacquiao bout has been described.

Not quite true. The wife's just found out I'm spending a lot of time with her sister.

punyXpress · 02-05-15, 10:38 AM

Couldn't happen to a nicer bunch:

Wonga have announced annual losses of £37 million for 2014. Apparently they accidentally borrowed a tenner from themselves in January and forgot to pay it back.

keith_d · 08-05-15, 08:42 AM

Labour - No Balls!!

Shadow chancellor loses seat in election.

Trev B · 08-05-15, 01:13 PM

How would you like your hat Mr Ashdown..Fried or boiled!!!!

BanannaMan · 10-05-15, 04:15 AM

26-04-15, 04:30 AM	#1151
BanannaMan Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Appalachia Posts: 419	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes Out in space two alien forms are speaking with each other. The first spaceman says, "The dominant life forms on the earth planet have developed satellite-based weapons." The second alien, who looks exactly like the first, asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?" The first spaceman says, "I don't think so, they have them aimed at themselves." __________________ ...Bill *"The Mountains are calling and I must go"*

26-04-15, 02:48 PM	#1152
TimTucker Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Lee, London Posts: 87	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes I heard this joke the other week on Radcliffe & Maconie's BBC 6Music show and it rather amused me. This week, I decided to try to teach my dog to play the trumpet while travelling on the London Underground. It went surprisingly well and we managed to get from Barking to Tooting in little over an hour. __________________ Suzuki SV650SK4 : Blue, Remus Revolution end can, Pyramid fender extenda, Skidmarx hugger, R&G crash bungs. Aprilia RSV-R 07 : Silver, Akrapovic titanium end cans, R&G crash bungs.

30-04-15, 04:05 PM	#1153
KingDerelict Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Posts: 11	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes I got chatting to this attractive French girl the other day. “What do you do for a living?” I asked. She replied, “I am, how you say, a specialist in etiquette.” Turned out she was a travel agent.

30-04-15, 04:09 PM	#1154
KingDerelict Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Posts: 11	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes A mate of mine is a landscape gardener and he's having a terrible time lately. Last month, he had an accident with a chainsaw and chopped off the ends of both his feet. Then last week, his wife decided she had to leave him. Turned out she was lactose-intolerant.

30-04-15, 10:27 PM	#1155
BanannaMan Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Appalachia Posts: 419	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes Was sitting in the shade on a hot day, sipping a cool drink while watching my girlfriend mow the lawn when the lady next door peered over the fence and yelled "You ought to be hung!" So I yelled back, "I am, that's why she does the mowing!" __________________ ...Bill *"The Mountains are calling and I must go"*

01-05-15, 10:21 PM	#1156
punyXpress Member Mega Poster Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Riding, North Posts: 2,664	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes It will be the 'fight of the century' is how the Mayweather Vs Pacquiao bout has been described. Not quite true. The wife's just found out I'm spending a lot of time with her sister. __________________ Was: K2 naked in rapid yellow - gone to a better? place Now: Street Triple R

02-05-15, 10:38 AM	#1157
punyXpress Member Mega Poster Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Riding, North Posts: 2,664	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes Couldn't happen to a nicer bunch: Wonga have announced annual losses of £37 million for 2014. Apparently they accidentally borrowed a tenner from themselves in January and forgot to pay it back. __________________ Was: K2 naked in rapid yellow - gone to a better? place Now: Street Triple R

08-05-15, 08:42 AM	#1158
keith_d Member Mega Poster Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Ruislip Posts: 1,131	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes Labour - No Balls!! Shadow chancellor loses seat in election.

08-05-15, 01:13 PM	#1159
Trev B Member Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 283	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes How would you like your hat Mr Ashdown..Fried or boiled!!!! __________________ Somewhere up north,Never regret something that once made you smile!!!

10-05-15, 04:15 AM	#1160
BanannaMan Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Appalachia Posts: 419	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes __________________ ...Bill *"The Mountains are calling and I must go"*

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