The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

[punyXpress]

Time for an Eye Test ?

[DarrenSV650S]

[punyXpress]

Since it's nearly Christmas:

Golden Syrup....... Brilliant !!!!

A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a
Christmas fancy dress party..
He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden
leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his
problem. A few days later he receives a parcel with a note:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted
handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden
leg you will be just right as a Pirate. The man is
offended that the outfit emphasizes his disability, so he
writes a letter of complaint.. A week passes and he
receives another parcel and note:




Dear Sir,
Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a
monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and
with your bald head you will really look the part. The man
is really incandescent with rage now, because the company
has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing
attention to his bald head. So he writes a really strong
letter of complaint.. A few days later he gets a very small
parcel from the company with the accompanying letter:




Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup.
We suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald
head, let it harden, then stick your wooden leg up your ****
and go as a toffee apple.

[SV650rules]

What will Christmas dinner be like after we leave EU

no Brussels

No Turkey either

AH well. I like Chicken more than Turkey anyway

[SV650rules]

At last I have found out what PPI is

It's a medical condition you get if you don't wear your goggles in the local swimming pool.

[Blapper]

Cracking!

[punyXpress]

Not remotely funny, but it's the way the world works:

SO I TOLD MY SON, "YOU WILL MARRY THE GIRL I CHOOSE.".......HE SAID, "NO."

I TOLD HIM, "SHE IS BILL GATES DAUGHTER.".......HE SAID, "OK"

I CALLED BILL GATES AND SAID, "I WANT YOUR DAUGHTER TO MARRY MY SON,"..... BILL GATES SAID, "NO WAY"

I TOLD BILL, "MY SON IS THE C.E.O. OF WORLD BANK."......BILL GATES SAID, "OK"

I CALLED THE PRESIDENT OF WORLD BANK AND ASKED HIM TO MAKE MY SON THE C.E.O.......HE SAID, "LIKE HELL I WILL"

I TOLD HIM, "MY SON IS BILL GATES SON-IN-LAW".......HE SAID, "IN THAT CASE, OK"

AND THAT MY FRIENDS......IS EXACTLY HOW OUR POLITICAL SYSTEMS WORKS!

(All the rest is just smoke & mirrors)

[punyXpress]

Easter's Coming!

My best friend's parents couldn't afford chocolate Easter eggs when we were kids, so they used to hide bits of ham instead.

I remember the pork hunts very fondly

[Trev B]

Not mine but a good one.....guy walking down the high street sees a youngish guy sat in a doorway with a dog,and as he approached him the guy with the dog says "any change",no says the guy,I've still got the BMW and the apartment in Spain,guy with dog says " you don't know what it's like to be poor ",oh I do says the other guy," that's why I got up off my backside and got a job" !!!

[DarrenSV650S]