The Comedy Club - Post Your Jokes Here

Herb decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Herb that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at the maturity of a 12 year old.

He stated that it was OK because he loved her sooo much


However, Herb felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he had a deformity too. Herb looked Sandy in t he eyes and said 'I too have a problem. My winky is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married.'

She said, 'Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant size winky.'

' Sandy and Herb got married and they could not wait for the honeymoon. Herb whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touching and teasing, holding one another.

As Sandy put her hands in Herb's pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room! Herb ran after her to find out what was wrong.


She said, 'You told me your winky was the size of an infant!'

'Yes, it is.... 7 pounds, 8 ounces, 19 inches long!

LOL that`s a cracker - pull it

Ole and Sven were fishing on the Minnesota opener when Sven
pulled out a cigar. Finding he had no matches, he asked Ole for a
light.

'Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter,' he replied.
Then reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10
inches long.

'Yiminy Cricket!' exclaimed Sven, taking the huge Bic Lighter in his
hands. 'Vere dit yew git dat monster??'

'Vell,' replied Ole, 'I got it from my Genie.'

'You haff a Genie?' Sven asked.

'Ya, shure. It 's right here in my tackle box,' says Ole.

'Could I see him?'

Ole opens his tackle box & sure enough, out pops the Genie.

Addressing the genie, Sven says, 'Hey dere! I'a good friend of your
master. Vill you grant me vun vish?'

'Yes, I will,' says the Genie.

So Sven asks the Genie for a million bucks.


The Genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Sven sitting
there, waiting for his million bucks.

Shortly, the sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million
ducks....flying directly overhead.

Over the roar of the million ducks Sven yells at Ole.

'Yumpin' Yimminy, I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!'

Ole answers,


'Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat da Genie is hart of hearing.


Do yew really tink I asked for a 10-inch Bic?'

A group of primary school infants, accompanied by two female teachers,

went on a field trip to Cheltenham races to see and learn about

thoroughbred race horses.



When it was time to take the children to the toilet, it was decided that

the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the

other.





The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's toilet

when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach

the urinal.





Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and

began hoisting the boys up, one by one, holding their willies to direct

the flow away from their clothes.





As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually

well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said,

'You must be in year four.'





'No, madam,' he replied. 'I'm riding in the Gold Cup at 3pm!'

My girlfriend said she wanted to try and get rid of her love handles.
I said she would look ****ing stupid without any ears.

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed,but asked how he would know when the baby was born.

To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later,he came home to his confused wife.

'Honey,'she said,'you received a very strange post card today.'

'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white,and fainted.

On the card was written:

'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Three with meatballs,two without.
Send extra sauce.'

Cuffy roools

Originally Posted by Razor

Cuffy roools

If only everyone thought th same

KFC are commemorating the events of 7 years ago in true style, with a 9/11 meal combo deal. 2 tower burgers and plain wings.


I know it's wrong, but be jesus it made me chortle

Originally Posted by cuffy

KFC are commemorating the events of 7 years ago in true style, with a 9/11 meal combo deal. 2 tower burgers and plain wings.


I know it's wrong, but be jesus it made me chortle

They're spicy buggers. I'd go as far to call them flaming wings!