parental respsonsibility

I've gotta say, guys like this make me wanna scream. He doesn't know how good he's got it. My partner has had a hellufa time with his ex. She's actually getting herself into quite a bit of bother as she has breeched the court order that he has to see his son too often. We're in the middle of court proceedings at the moment, and it looks like the sherriff is going to do a little more than just give her a big row this time! She's even taken her son toi her own lawyers in the past, who listened to stuff that he said then twisted it to make me sound like the typical evil step mother who basically abuses him. Long story short, he was actually taken to see his own lawyer (he's only 9!!!!!!) He actually told his lawyer that his mother weas the one who was causing all the problems and that he actually gets on veryu well with me!!!

Sorry, I digress too!

Well done you Dizzy for being such a good mum. The wee ones will always remember the parents who did their best to do the right thging as opposed to using them as a pawn. Very proud of you

[dizzyblonde]

Originally Posted by Pedrosa

Could the indicated resentment from your ex be a sign of in fact he has not fully passed through the healing process yet? Possibly he might still actually want to be back with you if he had the choice. Until he can move on in his own mind he will at times be unreasonable and forget his priorities which, surely should be to enjoy the time he has with your son.

I can safely say he has moved on. As soon as he found out I was with Im Indoors, he found himself a new bird and they were married a couple of years back.
Obviously I shan't be putting the whole situation in the public eye, but basically our son was only going to see his dad every weekend, to make his dad look good ( and before you fellas jump to say that isn't fair, if you knew all the facts, unfortunately you'd be saying the same)

My sons life ,sadly, has improved a great deal because his dad is not in his life at the moment. Lets just say, after certain events, I shan't be chasing him to see our son.
However as I've always said, like at christmas, if he turned up on the doorstep, he would be welcome, for our sons sake. But he's not making the effort and I aren't pushing, because we're doing rather fine without him.


The only reason I wrote this thread was to ask a question about a 'legal point' - revoking a parental agreement

I aren't the usual single mum who will do anything to keep the ex away, rather the opposite. But I rather prefer the quiet life and intend to keep it like that if he's not playing ball.

[dizzyblonde]

and pedro68, thankyou for the link, was more informative than the ones i've found

Hi there - I've been there myself.

Unfortunately, parental responsiblity is a legal bit of paper that acknowledges the other person as an 'active' parent with legal rights as next of kin in decision-making (therefore able to sign the various bits of paper you describe). Unfortunately, what it doesn't do is take the place of any legal agrement about the level of care that individual will have for the child - you'll need to either agree the specifics of that between yourselves, which is difficult under the circumstances, or agree it through the courts.

I have total sympathy, as my son's father did all the 'right' things to avoid paying any maintenance, but as soon as my earnings overtook his this was negated. I've always been the main carer, and am still carrying the debt of not having had any financial support as the cost increased and the level of care on his side decreased. And he has utilised his power negatively to prevent my son from taking up opportunities that he would otherwise have benefitted from.

[dizzyblonde]

sounds familiar, he used to pay maintenance, when he ws working that is. i am lucky to have a rather good wage coming in. So for the last three years haven't asked for a penny off him, or being offered it. I don't need his money nor do I want it. Like your own situ coolgirl...he used to do all the 'right things' to avoid paying anyway....along side knowing all the right things to get his own way

Originally Posted by dizzyblonde

Much as I can't stand the bloke, he gave me the gift of a super son....

One of my close friends calls her ex "the sperm donor for my children" because that's about as far as he took his parental responsibilities.

Originally Posted by dizzyblonde

and pedro68, thankyou for the link, was more informative than the ones i've found

Ya welcome glad to be of assistance

Originally Posted by dizzyblonde

he used to do all the 'right things' to avoid paying

It p*sses me off when I hear about non-resident parents trying to duck out of their legal and moral obilgation to support their children
I pay my child maintenance because I would rather my children had a decent and fairly comfortable upbringing ... I don't do it out of any "obligation", I do it because I love them!

However I will say that in these matters the law favours the mothers, and often the father may feel he has no other option but to withdraw financial support in a bid to try and force an issue, or to use it as a bargaining tool.

I did it myself once ... but the CSA just hounds you for it anyway and you end up paying it (at least the decent "compliants" amongst us do). My ex's reaction to that was to prevent ALL contact with my children (until I went to a solicitor who gently reminded her that "contact" and "finances" were two totally separate issues and the courts would take an extremely dim view of one being used as retaliation for the other).

Oh and take note DB about the part in that link that says,
"If an umarried father loses parental responsibility he cannot reapply for it at a later stage" ... so basically once it's gone, it's gone! Maybe think carefully, and take some time to make the right/best decision for you and your family

Dizzyblonde you sound like a great mum who's only interest in this, is for the welfare of your Son. I wish my ex had been as considerate as you have. I've not seen my kids for the last few years, my ex made it more and more difficult for me to see them, but even more so put pressure on them not to want to see me. Rather than make them the rope in an emotional tug of war, for their sake (although they propbably won't see it that way) I've left them alone. They can phone anytime, come around anytime, but they don't. I occasionally get to hear about how they're doing. As long as they're happy that's fine. I miss them, but I'm not going to use them to get at her, unlike the way she's done just that.

[tinpants]

Try as I might, I just can't imagine not being able to se my kids. It would do my head in. They're my whole life. Take my kids and you may as well do me in.
DB, I hope you can get your situation sorted out.

[dizzyblonde]

the key for me at the moment is that unless my son talks about dad i don't make an issue of it, I hsve never slagged off his dad to other folk in front of him, nor to him. I think that mothers that do that only alienate their kids. At the end of the day, a child will make up their own mind, and when my son does, so be it.

Incidently my best friend in France has three lads.The eldest is still here at Uni and was from a previous marriage. Before the family left, he told his mum he wanted to see his dad, as my mate not had contact for very good reasons. (mainly being an ar$$e). She said fine son I hope your not dissapointed, and away he went. After he'd done his investigating and cured his curiousity, he went back to his mum and said
" I'm glad you brought me up without him mum, cause he's an absolute tw&t, if I don't see him again, welll....."