relationships...how do you know it's over?

My ethosis simple. If they don't "enhance your quality of life" cut them loose.
Works very well when applied to friends as well.
I don't give a damn about history, and just look to the future.

Originally Posted by Xan173

My ethosis simple. If they don't "enhance your quality of life" cut them loose.
Works very well when applied to friends as well.
I don't give a damn about history, and just look to the future.

I like this theory, but its tough!

I would say you know when you look at the back of their head and ponder over how much you actually hate them !

Originally Posted by Shellywoozle

The big question is "do you love her" and "if you saw her with another man how would you feel"?

Actually I think the question would be do you love HIM and how would you feel if you saw HIM with another WOMAN...

But, thinking about it, how WOULD you feel if you saw him with another man? I can offer my services to bring some spice back into the marriage...

Seriously though, from the sounds of it you already know the answer, unless your original post was in a particularly low moment.

It's a good topic this.

and some very good points were raised.
Bear you rascal...that defo will be a no, but thanks for the offer.

It's not about 3rd party, but meeting few people brought things into a different perspective.

22 years of trying is a very long time, and i won't get into details as it is after all a public forum.
But lets give a different example, that i stayed in a job for 11 years trying to prove my self worth, being in a position to take them to court on 3 occasions but not doing so, as I did not want to destroy what I had put heart and soul creating.
Call it stupid, I call it integrity blah, blah believing...things will change get better, people will appreciate your efforts... year right
Maybe I just have a hard head or don't give in that easily, or I'm a masochist, or who TF knows <any therapist out there?>

You know it's over when you wouldn't feel at all bad about ripping their still beating heart from their chest and flushing down the bog...or something.

Seriously though, for me it's over when I lose the smile in my heart when I think about them - you know the feeling, the one you get when they walk in a room and you instantly feel good. When that's gone, so am I.

If your asking your self the question is it over then it usual is.

But with that said you might be able to bring it back to life if you say it is going to be over unless we can sort this out.

maybe not analysing things might work, and its time to deploy the " listen, things are really bad with us " covosation (again if you have done it before) and if it turns into an argument then the main thing imo that you will be missing before anything else is comunication, but one thing that you should both talk about is what it was like when it was great, there had to of been something there in the first place.. im a strong believer that its never gone.. but forgotten and lost in countless upsets and arguments and disagreements that ebs away at "the thing" that bought you together in the first place.. the fact that you raised this thread is enough to see that you DONT want it to end and you are just sick of hurting inside.. and not sleeping on occasions playing it all over in your mind, and i'd bet my wage that deep down, behind the passive front she would jump at the chance to rekindle the relationship.. you just have to make her see its possible... i believe it can be done in 3 steps to at least get started
1. look at your self / whats changed - can alwys be undone if needed
2. pin point the exact time it all went balls to the wall ( it can be done if you think hard enough there is ALWAYS a turning point) so you stop thinking that it happend over a period of time
3. Talk about posotive things, gain an interest in the things that you would cosider a silly hobby that she has, if you relate on every level once more it will spark again.
RECREATE WHAT YOU HAD! it can be done on so many levels.. for Eg start wearing the same aftershave that you used to back in the day, sounds stupid.. but sensories triggers memories.. just make sure they trigger good ones

you just have to find what you had dude.

Originally Posted by Lozzo

You know it's over when you wouldn't feel at all bad about ripping their still beating heart from their chest and flushing down the bog...or something.

wouldn't like to get on the wrong side of you Lozzo!

When it becomes more pain than pleasure. Possibly when you start thinking about how good single life would be?

I think as a lot of people have already said by the sounds of it you already know the answer deep inside and you`re possibly seeking affirmation that what you`re considering doing is ok to do.

If you`re not happy then don`t stay with someone you don`t love cos of "sense of duty"..... by ending the relationship it free`s you both to find the person who is right for you and can bring you happiness. Very best of luck x

Originally Posted by lylej

IMHO its over when you dont mind if she/he was in a relationship with someone else

I disagree with this and what Shell said along similar lines.

I've had relationships that i've finished happily, but then having seen them with someone else, felt annoyed/jealous.

IMHO its human nature to want something you can't have!

Personally i back my judgement that i probably called it a day for a reason....no point revisiting old mistakes.