Best man speech writing tips?

Your speech should have a good beginning, a good ending and they should be as close to each other as possible! (I theng you)

Stand up, speak up and shut up. 5 minutes is about right, (deffo no longer than 10 and at that length it needs to vintage Billy Connolly) but not so short as to make people think "is that it?" Everybody is on your side and nicely merry so provided you obey the rules it'll be fine, guaranteed.

Rule #1 Don't insult the bride.

Rule #2 Don't get ****ed.

Rule #3 There is no rule #3

Rule #4 Don't insult the bride.

[timwilky]

Start with the amusing incident at the special clinic the week after his stag night and go down hill from there.


I was at one wedding where non of the grooms family turned up (He was welsh marrying an English girl) His best man failed to appear. Myself and another work colleague were the only two on his side of the church (with our wives). Got 0 notice will I stand in as best man?.

Now that was not how to get a best man speech written.

[fizzwheel]

As the others have said, keep it short 5 minutes or so is about right I think. Dont be in anyway rude or smutty.

I've done two, one for my brother and one for my best mate who I have known for years. My brother was easy, small group, few stupid stories about what we got up to as kids etc etc thank everybody for coming and job done.

My best mate, was much harder, I knew it was a big wedding and I was stood up in front of 150 or so people. I put loads of daft stuff into a big cardboard box and I presented him with the box and then I exlpained to his new wife that we'd been looking after him all these years and now it was her job and that she'd need this stuff in the box to make sure he was OK, then as he took stuff out of the box I explained the story that went with each item as he took them from the box. There were 5 items in the box and it took a minute or so to tell the story that went with it. It took attention away from me which is good as I hate public speaking and I get very nervous doing it. Tip with the cards to read out is to ask the bride and groom which ones they would like read out. I had a big pile of cards and after going through them with the bride she said "these 3 are the most important ones so can you just do those please" thank everybody for coming again and job done.

Loads of people said to me afterwards that they had enjoyed my speech and having watched it back on video it did go down well, the look on the grooms face as he opened the stuff up and then worked out why everything was in there and then new what I was going to say next was priceless.

Done it 3 times myself, 1st time was very nerve racking, 2nd time was better, 3rd time a doddle.

Keep it short n sweet, a few witty remarks, nothing to offensive towards the bride



Now, before I start, the hotel manger has asked me to request that, for reasons of health and safety, none of you get up on top of the chairs and tables during my standing ovation...badaboom tish.

I'm not saying the groom was nervous this morning but when i went to the toilet this morning i found this ( produce brick from under the table )

Groom and Bride met in a very, very romantic location - the Hippodrome nightclub in Exeter. This place is renowned for being the hangout of drunk wide boys and white stiletto girls, so it was pure coincidence that they met on that fateful night.

Read a few cards, make a toast.

Say that there will be a free bar for all the guests afterwards courtesy of the brides father, pull another brick from under his chair.

My experience:
Relax - you're on to a winner. Most everyone in the audience will want you to succeed, so it's a good crowd and unless you make a total ******** of it, you're not going to go too far wrong.
The box fizz referred to is a good trick - my brother did it for mine and included a brick like cuffy's story - went down a storm.
+1 on the not reading too many cards - it's v boring and to be frank, no-one gives a sh*t!
I once went to one that started "being asked to be best man is like being asked to sh*g the queen - it;s a great honour, but you wouldn't really want to go through with it - also got a great laugh.
If you use prompt cards, write SLOW DOWN & SMILE on the top of every one!
Practice, practice, practice - in front of the mirror or wherever. Makes it much slicker.
There are few gags about that will raise a laugh, but you need to have a feeling for the audience - are they all oldies/drunk etc?
Another one I remember was "Dave is so inexperienced in the bedroom that he thought Mutual Climax was a Building Society!" - everyone p*ssed themselves.
I've done it twice and loved both.
Good luck.

Was best man at the back end of last month. First time anyone's asked me. Might be the last, too!

KISS. Keep It Short, Stupid. 10 mins max

1. Introduce yourself and say how you know the groom. Many (on the Bride's side in particular) won't know you from Adam. Unless that happens to be the Groom's name.

2. Thank the Groom for asking you

3. Thank the Bridesmaids (although there weren't any in this case so I thanked the bar staff!).

4. Read out a few cards...... no more than three or you'll lose the crowd.

5. Tell a few stories about the groom. Make 'em up if you have to. I had a go at his driving, his falling asleep every afternoon at work, how he hadn't had time to finish the monthly payroll, etc. I made up a story about how the groom and bride met on a golf course and used it to tell the tennis elbow/golf balls joke.

6. The sincere bit - tell the bride that she's just married the best/worst man on the planet.

7. Toast the Parents of the Bride and Groom

What ever you do, don't try to get off with one of the bridemaids, particularly if one of them is the bride's sister

Originally Posted by Jabba

What ever you do, don't try to get off with one of the bridemaids

Don't think I can agree 100% with you there Jabba. Obviously a poor idea if you're married yourself but otherwise I think it's only polite to offer yourself to the bridesmaids.

I totally agree with all the comments beforehand - did it for the 1st time last year for my best mate. I do a lot of public speaking so wasn't worried by the 150+ crowd, just remember to do the lighthouse technique of looking from left to right across the room and back again, never look at people's eyes always the tops of their heads - That way people think you are looking them in the eye and trying to engage with all of them.

I did a photo presentation of all of my mates hairstyles over the years using a data projector and Keynote on a Mac (a bit like Powerpoint). I photoshopped some of the images so he looked a bit more stupid, and added little things for the more rude to look for in the picture. - e.g. picture of him as a 3 year old playing with fruit with a strategically placed apple and banana - only about 2% of audience saw it as it was skillfully done - but worth it. Everyone loved it - really different and completely harmless. I thanked the bridesmaids, bride etc and kept it to 6 mins. Was a bit of a technical rig, but did it all before people got into the venue so all I needed was to press a button on a remote and the screen appeared and the projector turned on with a picture of him - really impressed people.

I would never swear as you usually have children and grannies there- and try to be a bit light on the lude stories - nobody really wants to hear the groteseque details about the prostitutes in Amsterdam.


Here's a copy:
Thank you very much Adam for such a lovely speech, and such a nice introduction. Obviously I'm supposed to start by telling lots of stories about Adam, but actually I will start by saying how beautiful Francis looked today, and of course the lovely bridesmaids as well and how smooth the ceremony went - contrary to all the practises and run throughs.

Now, Every now and again the opportunity arises to talk about a man of the highest integrity and honor - a man of both achievement and action, with penetrating intellect, great business acumen who is obviously destined for great things…………………unfortunately, of course today is not that day, because this speech is about Adam.

Before today he told me that the best man’s job consists of two tasks:
The first being to make sure Adam got here on time and in decent form, sober and smart - it is my responsibility to make sure his face and hair are in order. I think that this duty is rather unfair, and have frankly just tried to do the best I could given what I had to work with, although at least his hair is actually a great improvement on some of the stupid hair styles that he had over the years, and I thought it would be a good idea, as we are all friends and family to enjoy some of those haircuts for a minute or two.
Firstly I'd like to introduce the electric shock look -- could it be caused by the static generated by that attractive shell suit? - oh and is that a cannon between his legs or is he just showing off?
The Second is the classic 'curtains' cut, pioneered by Jason Donovan and look at him now!
The third is what can only be described as the helmet look - although I'm not sure what is worse - the hair of that outfit.
And finally the long hair - which on rare occasions formed a pony tail, or as we knew it the bugger grip - I'll leave it to your imagination how it gets it's name, but Adam certainly wore it well.

Adam Robert King,was born on the 19th August 1979, when nothing much really happened - however also in 1979, Village People had the top selling hit of the year in the UK Y.M.C.A.. Now I’m not saying Adam’s birth has anything directly related to do with that, or any influence it has had on his life up to now at all, but I think we all have sneaking suspicion that it may well have done <baby pics>

<baby adam on bike>This pictures great because it reminds me of when were growing up, Adam was well into his bikes. He was always getting the latest model of whatever was the latest craze. Adam was particularly keen on showing off his Chopper to all the local ladies - something he still dreams of today.

At school Adam was always a very careful student, who loved playing the keyboard <Uncle Sam Picture> He also was quite the young actor as he grew up, although his choice of role models and characters always left something to be desired. I have compiled a couple of his best impressions<worzel gummage and nazi's>. But despite his best efforts in recreating TV's 'Allo 'Allo Adam turned into a model student, although his reports did point to some interesting attributes. Including the fact that he could never produce any better work - well maybe his presentation could change --- and from this he went on to try and solve the problem of world peace!

As most of you will known Adam is a very out going, and friendly kind of chap, and he seems to meet people in the stragest of places. But in the time I've known him we've made lots of new acquaintances on some of our fabled nights out.<pictures of adam with wigs etc>

One of my best memories of our nights out was when we lived together in Bristol. Me and Adam went out clubbing while the other guys we lived with stayed in and went to bed. One of them was Chris, who was having to stay in as he had ordered a brand new computer that was being delivered the following morning. So on the way back from the nightclub we were wandering home, probably quite slowly, when we noticed a very old computer in a skip, and immediately started hatching a plan to 'deliver' the computer to Chris -- of course we didn't think it was strange that the computer would be delivered at 4 in the morning. Along the way we also found a workmans hi-viz tabard, again something that a delivery person would probably wear-- So we managed to get into the house and quietly put the computer in Chris's room as he slept. It wasn't until we were leaving the room that I heard Adam shout "Chris your computer has arrived, and it's come with a free cat" - What I hadn't noticed was a cat had followed us into the house and Adam had picked it up and put it in Chris's room - so not only did he have a very old computer on his desk - but also a rather bemused and angry cat that had to be let out.


It's interesting that Adam should become an Architect, and be rather proficient at renovating his house, as when we lived together one of our past times was setting traps on people using a bullworker chest expander attached to door handles - this would then fly off the handle and hit the individual as they opened their bedroom - however one time it all went wrong and shot through a plasterboard wall. Adam was quick to sort it out - and being a resourceful fellow he used a clever mix of cardboard and toothpaste to rebuild the wall, and amazingly we got away with it - Something I'm sure he is using to get all those modern house through the buiding regulations -

I must at this point mention the stag night, which as you may know involved gokarting and quiet night out in the delightful town of Prague. The law of the stag prevents me from saying much more, but I must admit that the sight of Adam dressed as Superman, with fake muscles, drinking beer through a rubber phallus will stay with me far longer than all the wounds caused by the go-karting.<stag do superman>

Now I think we will all agree that Adam is a lucky man finding Fran, who is a fantastic girl who deserves a good husband.. so it’s a good job Adamsnapped her up before she found one! So, as a man that will drink to absolutely anything, it gives me immense pleasure, not to mention immense relief, to invite you all to be upstanding, raise you glasses and join me in a toast to the brand new Mr and Mrs King, Adam and Fran!

One of the best, best man speeches I ever heard was actually done by a bloke who struggled for weeks writing it, then scrapped the speech and decided just to say what came to him in the moment. This tactic obviously works better for more people if you've had half a dozen glasses or wine or such!