I just found out I am a father... (read comment)

sorry mate but i think you have done wrong- if there was the slightest chance that you were the childs father no matter how much bull was between you and the mother you should have paid for the test and found out straight away, but that is now in the past and its time for you to be what you should be - a father.There's nothing like it and the only thing that can top it must be being a mother to a child.

all the joking aside, I think there have been faults on both sides.

Her's for not making things easy, yours for not finding out sooner.

I can see this from both sides of the fence, so I feel for you, it's a bit of a bombshell.

All you can do now is do your best to build a relationship with your daughter, believe me they need a "dad" around. Whether there's been one around or not up until this point. At the same time I will say dont let the ex take you for a ride, ie paying maintenance and no access or last minute changes and all that crap. Be honest with her, tell her you want to see the kid and build a relationship with her. It sucks having money taken out of your wages for a kid you never see.

It also depends on your current situation, if you have a partner what does she think? there's a lot to think about.

Sorry I cant be more help.

Jen

Well, thanks for the help Jen, better then from most (HU & TLW to name a few! ha ha)

I hate the woman for what she has done and how it has gone, but, I did kind of bury my head in the sand.

Luckily for all women out there I am single and now because intend on staying that way... I can't make my bike pregnant...

Anyway, I am seeing what i can do about my daughter and hopefully will have more positive news in the future

You need to get past the hate part, I know that is a million times easier said than done but really, you have to get past that. It wont do the kidlet any good if there is bad blood or an atmosphere everytime she sees you.

There will also be a lot of crap to deal with, depending on what the mother has told the child, and what she continues to tell her in the future. There is also the potential for using the kidlet as a pawn in the future, ie the mother using her as blackmail or similar. I'm not saying she will, I dont know her, but women are cruel creatures.

I can see why some blokes walk away - women can be evil - and have nothing to do with the kids, its just easier to explain it to the 18 year old who tips up on your door step one day. Thats not what i'm advising you do, but sometimes it is the only way.

I'm not going to tell you how I know all this - but if you want to talk you can pm me.

Prepare yourself for the long haul, and good luck.

congrats matey , guess your life just changed hopefully for the better.

I know what you mean, I won't show any animosity towards the mother while the mother is around, but, I imagine the mother will be instilling in the child how evil and horrible I am...
Thank you for the wished luck

Congratulations!

Chin up mate, its not all bad. Being a father is possibly one of the best things that can happen to any man.

As long as you make the effort to try do right by your daughter, hopefully both you and the mother can come to an amicable truce.

Good luck.

Perhaps, none of this was in the planning, but, I always try to live life by the positives, however they come around

[dizzyblonde]

At least you have tried in the past. If the mother is willing to go ahead, and make things easier then great.

A child does deserve a father, unfortunately there are some **** fathers out there. I have first hand experience on that one.
I split with my sons dad when he was two, he tried to have him every weekend, remarried, had me do everything on his terms, and my son had a very ragged relationship with him, until he was five.
Luckily for my sons sake, after daddy fecked off and threw his toys out of the pram, mummy played both roles. His dads been sniffing around lately trying to make contact after three years via a couple of my close friends, but as far as I am concerned the bum(and he really is) can't give anything positive to my son for the forseeable future. hes wrecked that little boys life for the last five years.
When my son is old enough to get on a bus on his own, and if he makes the decision he wants to see his dad then I'll give him my blessing. I have never slagged off his dad in front of him, he only gets spoken about when my son brings it up. Messing a childs life about is not up for discussion in my book, so therefore this bloke doesn't deserve the title 'dad'.

You on the otherhand, have tried, and not been given the chance, so therefore should be given the respect to make a relationship with your daughter. But remember, never mess it up, its not the adults that end up being hurt. Kids can't openly tell you how they feel, but its seen in other ways, their mothers have to pick up the pieces as best they can.

BTW, not all mums instill evil things into the minds of their children, this one doesn't. Only thing that does is backfire when they are older. Why bother doing that? Better to make do with what you have, and not force on a child your opinion of another adult. Like I say, 'dad' is not spoken about in this house, unless on my sons terms.

Wow, that is deep DB. And thanks, you have given me a lot to think about and I want to do right by my daughter, even if that is just paying for her and no knowing her.

I have to do the best for her now, not me or the mother, but her