The Comedy Club - Post Your Jokes Here - Page 23 - SV650.org

Scoobs · 09-01-07, 09:47 AM

A seven-year-old boy was at the center of a Parramatta, NSW courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.

The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the English Cricket Team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

TEL · 09-01-07, 01:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scoobs

A seven-year-old boy was at the center of a Parramatta, NSW courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.

The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the English Cricket Team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

...brilliant !

09-01-07, 03:22 PM

John was in a bar looking very dejected.

His friend, Steve, walked over and asked, "What's wrong?"

"It's my mother-in-law," John replied, while shaking his head sadly. "I have a real problem with her."

"Cheer up," Steve said. "Everyone has problems with their mother-in-law."

"Yeah," John answered. "But I got mine pregnant."

Stingo · 10-01-07, 09:03 AM

"A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron

wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the Doctor asked him, "What happened to you?”

"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture. We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. "

"I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's ****.

Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!'

"I don't remember much after that .."

10-01-07, 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stingo

"A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron

wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the Doctor asked him, "What happened to you?”

"Well, I was having a quiet round of g*lf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture. We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. "

"I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a g*lf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's @rse.

Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!'

"I don't remember much after that .."

10-01-07, 02:18 PM

A pharmacist walks into a chemist to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall.

He asks the blonde clerk "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

The blonde clerk responds: "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The pharmacist yells: "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with a Laxative!

The blonde clerk responds, "Of course you can! Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

10-01-07, 04:27 PM

Two Sausages and and Egg in a frying pan and the Egg says
"Phew it's hot in here"
"ARRRRRRHHHGGGG a talking Egg" shouted one Sausage to the other.

10-01-07, 04:52 PM

A woman buys herself a small dog but it has some hair on the back of it's neck that she doesn't like. A friend suggests that she goes to the Chemist to get some "Unwanted hair removal cream". Thinking this is a good idea she goes to the Chemist and asks the Gentleman behind the counter,

"Excuse me sir do you have any unwanted hair removal cream?"

"Yes madam" he replies "I have this pot here for £7.99, may I ask is it for your under arms?"

"No it is not" the woman replies slightly miffed.

"Oh" says the Chemist "only if it were I was going to advise that you wear loose cotton clothing for a day or two"

"Well if you must know it's for my Chihuahua" exclaims the women.

"Oh if that's the case I suggest you don't ride a bicycle for a week" replied the Chemist.

Viney · 10-01-07, 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Swiss

A woman buys herself a small dog but it has some hair on the back of it's neck that she doesn't like. A friend suggests that she goes to the Chemist to get some "Unwanted hair removal cream". Thinking this is a good idea she goes to the Chemist and asks the Gentleman behind the counter,

"Excuse me sir do you have any unwanted hair removal cream?"

"Yes madam" he replies "I have this pot here for £7.99, may I ask is it for your under arms?"

"No it is not" the woman replies slightly miffed.

"Oh" says the Chemist "only if it were I was going to advise that you wear loose cotton clothing for a day or two"

"Well if you must know it's for my Chihuahua" exclaims the women.

"Oh if that's the case I suggest you don't ride a bicycle for a week" replied the Chemist.

Dont get it

_Stretchie_ · 10-01-07, 10:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Viney

Quote:

Originally Posted by Swiss

A woman buys herself a small dog but it has some hair on the back of it's neck that she doesn't like. A friend suggests that she goes to the Chemist to get some "Unwanted hair removal cream". Thinking this is a good idea she goes to the Chemist and asks the Gentleman behind the counter,

"Excuse me sir do you have any unwanted hair removal cream?"

"Yes madam" he replies "I have this pot here for £7.99, may I ask is it for your under arms?"

"No it is not" the woman replies slightly miffed.

"Oh" says the Chemist "only if it were I was going to advise that you wear loose cotton clothing for a day or two"

"Well if you must know it's for my Chihuahua" exclaims the women.

"Oh if that's the case I suggest you don't ride a bicycle for a week" replied the Chemist.

Dont get it

Awww bless

09-01-07, 09:47 AM	#221
Scoobs Vipers Pillion Bitch Mega Poster Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Waterlooville Posts: 3,933	A seven-year-old boy was at the center of a Parramatta, NSW courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the English Cricket Team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone. __________________ I look good, I mean really good! Hey everyone come and see how good I look!

10-01-07, 09:03 AM	#224
Stingo Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Plymouth, Devon - mostly. Posts: 527	cow joke "A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the Doctor asked him, "What happened to you?” "Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture. We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. " "I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's ****. Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!' "I don't remember much after that .." __________________ Twitter: @poseidon_ashore

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09-01-07, 03:22 PM	#223
Sudoxe Guest Posts: n/a	John was in a bar looking very dejected. His friend, Steve, walked over and asked, "What's wrong?" "It's my mother-in-law," John replied, while shaking his head sadly. "I have a real problem with her." "Cheer up," Steve said. "Everyone has problems with their mother-in-law." "Yeah," John answered. "But I got mine pregnant."

10-01-07, 02:18 PM	#226
Sudoxe Guest Posts: n/a	A pharmacist walks into a chemist to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. He asks the blonde clerk "What's with that guy over there by the wall?" The blonde clerk responds: "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative." The pharmacist yells: "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with a Laxative! The blonde clerk responds, "Of course you can! Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

10-01-07, 04:27 PM	#227
Swiss Guest Posts: n/a	Two Sausages and and Egg in a frying pan and the Egg says "Phew it's hot in here" "ARRRRRRHHHGGGG a talking Egg" shouted one Sausage to the other.

10-01-07, 04:52 PM	#228
Swiss Guest Posts: n/a	A woman buys herself a small dog but it has some hair on the back of it's neck that she doesn't like. A friend suggests that she goes to the Chemist to get some "Unwanted hair removal cream". Thinking this is a good idea she goes to the Chemist and asks the Gentleman behind the counter, "Excuse me sir do you have any unwanted hair removal cream?" "Yes madam" he replies "I have this pot here for £7.99, may I ask is it for your under arms?" "No it is not" the woman replies slightly miffed. "Oh" says the Chemist "only if it were I was going to advise that you wear loose cotton clothing for a day or two" "Well if you must know it's for my Chihuahua" exclaims the women. "Oh if that's the case I suggest you don't ride a bicycle for a week" replied the Chemist.