The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

[Shawthing]

What's the difference between a Magician's Wand and a Police Batton?
A Magicians Wand is for Cunning Stunts.


What's the diference between a Pickpocket and a Peeping Tom?
A Pickpocket Snatches Watches.

[Dave20046]

they're great, not heard them before

Stolen from a very old joke book:

Why do Russian secret policemen go round in threes?

One to read, one to write and one to keep an eye on the two dangerous intellectuals

[Bluepete]

What did the buffalo say when his son left for college?


Bison!

Pete

[Paul the 6th]

Originally Posted by DJFridge

Stolen from a very old joke book:

Why do Russian secret policemen go round in threes?

One to read, one to write and one to keep an eye on the two dangerous intellectuals

I get the impression BananaMan would like that

Boy George's Reptile has been seen biting 5 different people today!

He needs to get a calmer Chameleon.

Walking down the street the other day and this bloke decides to throw a block of cheese at a young child..

I thought, Thats Mature

Two Irishmen flew to Canada on a hunting trip. They chartered a small plane
To take them into the Rockies for a weeks hunting moose.
They managed to bag 6. As they were loading the plane to return, the Pilot Said the plane could take only 4 moose.
The two lads objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let Us Take them all and he had the same plane as yours."
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off.
However, while attempting to cross some mountains even on full power theLittle plane couldn't handle the load and went down.
Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, only Paddy and Mick survived The crash.
After climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Mick, "Any idea where
We are?"




Mick replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last
year."

[punyXpress]

Excuse American spelling!
A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.
He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%.
Fearing an error, he called the Instructor, saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade?" "The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark."
After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I've never seen done in my entire career".

[hindle8907]

two irish guys in a shop, 1 of them pics up a mirror and says look at this picture I know him but can't think of his name.
the other guy picks it up looks at it and says 'its me ya daft ****.