Gripe of the day - What is yours?

[Littlepeahead]

After being called in yesterday and told to expect the worst today they have rung to say he's got out of bed and is sitting in his chair. So while I know he probably won't ever return home, at least at present he seems to be battling on.

There are people with dementia in his ward who don't even recognise their families. Dad on the other hand is sharp as ever brain wise, it's the body that is failing. I don't know which is worse.

[Red Herring]

I think it very much depends on the individual and how it impacts on them and those around them. Dementia can be incredibly frustrating for friends and family but sometimes the "sufferer" seem to be quite happy in their own little world so who is to say that is "bad", in fact sometimes it seems quite an attractive position to be in! On the flip side being fully switched on but physically incapable can be immensely frustrating to the individual, especially if they see no way of it improving, and those are the individuals who are campaigning for the right to end it.

When I have conversations such as this I always remember Bill who I met back to the early 90's when I was a relatively new police officer. Bill was in his 80's and lived in a local care home from where he would regularly go walkabouts, quite often in the middle of the night. Bill was what we might call a proper gentleman who had served somewhere in Africa during WW2 and he was never hard to find because he would simply find a complete stranger and engage them in amusing tales about his life, and this would ultimately result in us receiving a "concern" call from them. I remember one night finding him in the street during the early hours and because it was relatively quiet he ended up spending a few hours "on patrol" before being delivered back to the home in time for breakfast. Bill was physically 100% but he couldn't tell you where he lived, what he had done the day before, and never seemed to have any recollection of our previous encounters. He was like that young lady in 50 first dates..... He was also one of the most engaging people I've ever had the pleasure of talking to.

Of course none of this would happen these days. Bill would have a lock on his door, an electronic tag round his ankle, and various risk assessments would be in place before he would be allowed to use the toilet. And we call that progress.....

[maviczap]

From my limited experince so far, I would prefer not to have to deal with dementia, its incredidly hard in listening to the same things time afterr time, especially when you remember how sharp your parents minds were. My mums lost track of time, doesn't know what date its, despite big clocks with dates in the display. She thought it was coming up to Christmas the other week. That's hard to deal with and its only early stage dementia, its going to get worse.

She's had to have a clock to remind her to take her pills, its quite clever. I was scolling through the different text alerts this special clock can do, which showed me what other folk must be dealing with.

At least she's cheerful in her own little world, my grandmother was exactly the same. When my wife was in hospital the other week, she could her the noise from the demantia patients on the floor above, quite disruptive and violent, so at least my mums not like that.

[Red Herring]

I'm really hoping some things really are inherited..... My grandfather was in his late 70's and as fit as a fiddle, complained of feeling a little unwell one day and said he was going for a nap. My grandmother took him up a cup of tea five minutes later and found him dead.
She herself didn't quite make the hundred but was still driving around delivering meals on wheels to the elderly (most of whom were younger than her) well into her 80's.

My father spent yesterday up to his knees in mud under a twenty odd ton yacht that he was pulling out of the water (he has a boatyard), and he'll be 80 this year.......

[maviczap]

I don't know how its going to work for me, the females on my mums side have had dementia, but I'm the eldest male. I never knew my grandfathers, as one died quite young & my grandmother remarried.

But my Dads mum was still sharp in her 80's, as was my dad.

So as the eldest male in the family, I don't know whats in store for me. I'd just like to go to sleep and shift off this mortal coil nicely.

[Kenzie]

My wifes gran had dementia. When we first got together she would recognise me. Then she forgot who my wife was and then her husband of 50 years. Not good.

Sent from my Xperia

[BanannaMan]

Had to run the bike in the shed today to keep the battery from going flat.
Usually I ride year round but the weather has been so bad on the weekends it's been early January since Ive been able to ride.
Too cold and too windy this weekend and forecast for next weekend is rain mixed with snow.
We've had plenty of mild weather but none on the weekends.

[Red Herring]

Honda! Just how complicated can a routine valve check be.... try the VFR800 VTEC! Camshafts out minimum of twice just to check them, let alone if you actually have to make any adjustments......

[timwilky]

Sorry to read of your problems LPH.

Back in the sixties my dad left mum for our baby sitter, 14 years older than me, 18 years younger than my dad. About 1978 he secretly married her.

He was a wealthy man who believed life is what you make of it and we as his children got no help, whilst he lived in the big house, swimming pool, acres of gardens and the fields beyond. Plus the villa in the Canaries.

Unfortunately he developed kidney cancer. The day before it was to come out, he had a heart attack. We never knew he had one upto that point. The upshot being that he could not have the cancer op for 6 months by which time it had spread and he was terminal.

His wife wanted him at home, but also help from us. Despite my wife and bothers wife being nurses. We were told. He is your dad. So the fun of having to bath your dad. clean up his ****, put his d1ck in a bottle for him to pee etc. I was living at his house through this.

He died 3 times and suddenly breathed again, but finally he did go. he had apologised for how he had been and wished he could have done things better. But then I get to read the will as I am an executor.

3 days before he died he had changed it from split equally between his 5 kids. To everything to the babysitter :- £2.5m. She promised that she would leave anything left to us as they have no kids. But we have to be nice to her.

10 years have gone by. She is currently on her annual 3 months in New Zealand, taken her sister and tribe on holiday to Australia. (It is a shame she works hard and they have no money). Last year she took them to Bali whilst visiting them. But she is now moaning she has no money (cash, not assets) and that the 50 grand she lent to her nephew is being refused repayment. Him saying take it out of my inheritance. Cheeky fecker it is from my dads money that is supposed to be coming my way, if she has not spent it first.

Try to talk to your dad whilst you can. I certainly got a better understanding of mine during those days. So much so that despite being unhappy about the will. I defended it. We kids are all grown up and independent. His duty was to look after the woman who had been at his side for 42 years.

[Littlepeahead]

Originally Posted by timwilky

Sorry to read of your problems LPH.

Back in the sixties my dad left mum for our baby sitter, 14 years older than me, 18 years younger than my dad. About 1978 he secretly married her.

He was a wealthy man who believed life is what you make of it and we as his children got no help, whilst he lived in the big house, swimming pool, acres of gardens and the fields beyond. Plus the villa in the Canaries.

Unfortunately he developed kidney cancer. The day before it was to come out, he had a heart attack. We never knew he had one upto that point. The upshot being that he could not have the cancer op for 6 months by which time it had spread and he was terminal.

His wife wanted him at home, but also help from us. Despite my wife and bothers wife being nurses. We were told. He is your dad. So the fun of having to bath your dad. clean up his ****, put his d1ck in a bottle for him to pee etc. I was living at his house through this.

He died 3 times and suddenly breathed again, but finally he did go. he had apologised for how he had been and wished he could have done things better. But then I get to read the will as I am an executor.

3 days before he died he had changed it from split equally between his 5 kids. To everything to the babysitter :- £2.5m. She promised that she would leave anything left to us as they have no kids. But we have to be nice to her.

10 years have gone by. She is currently on her annual 3 months in New Zealand, taken her sister and tribe on holiday to Australia. (It is a shame she works hard and they have no money). Last year she took them to Bali whilst visiting them. But she is now moaning she has no money (cash, not assets) and that the 50 grand she lent to her nephew is being refused repayment. Him saying take it out of my inheritance. Cheeky fecker it is from my dads money that is supposed to be coming my way, if she has not spent it first.

Try to talk to your dad whilst you can. I certainly got a better understanding of mine during those days. So much so that despite being unhappy about the will. I defended it. We kids are all grown up and independent. His duty was to look after the woman who had been at his side for 42 years.

I don't disagree except my dad never made any settlement with my mum after he left. Instead he remortgaged the family home to fund the lifestyle with his new woman so she could have the holidays and cars and clothes my mum never had. Dad nursed her through cancer too. A few years later she is gone, now with a younger man who left his wife and kids for her. But the huge debts remain, and the fallout is all still to come. I spent years trying to get my mum to divorce him but she always said that if she did that he'd stop paying the mortgage. What I just couldn't get through to her was that as it was interest only it made no difference as at some point the bank will call in that loan. In the meantime he could run up more debts using the house as security.

Even now my mum will not make a will herself, and I've told her that if she goes first, and she's not well either, then dad gets everything of hers which in turn goes to pay off his debts. Financially I never had help from my parents, I have worked, I can pay my own way. But it's all very frustrating have to sort out their mess.