The Comedy Club - Post Your Jokes Here

[Paul the 6th]

Frankie Cocozza has been sensationally booted off the X-factor. Producers haven't given any exact details as to why he's been axed, other than "he broke a golden rule".

I'm so upset. Sniff. Sniff.

In other news, I won't be joining the campaign to boycott the x-factor number one by buying an alternative christmas single. I'll be too busy keeping up my own campaign of punching the winners in bookshops

Why did Draco Malfoy always beat Harry Potter in electronics class?

Because he was in league with Lord Solder More

[Paul the 6th]

Today is International Attention To Detail Thursday.

[Paul the 6th]

There's nothing worse than walking in on your mum taking a dump......

On your dad.

Saw Omid Djalili last night here's a couple he said (that I can remember):

'India recently sent a rocket into space, I said where next, Mars? He said Mars, Milky Way, Galaxy whatever but only 2 schoolchildren in the shop at one time.'

All this global warming is coz the poles are shifting........that's right they're all going home!!'

[Paul the 6th]

Nice

I saw a fat bird down the pub, her T-shirt said - Watch out, I'm a maneater!

I went up to her and said "Excuse me love, about your T-shirt slogan."

She stopped me and angrily said "Oh let me guess, you want to know how many men I've eaten?! Well I can't help my size you know!"

I said "Actually no, I wasn't going to say that at all."

She looked happier and smiled as she said "Oh yes, what did you want to say then?."

"That's not how you spell Manatee."

[Paul the 6th]

don't normally take interest in jokes which deal with racism/stereotypes but this one made me smile

A black man sat next to me on the bus last night.

A few seconds later, out came the knife.

"Give me your money and your mobile phone!"

It was a waste of time really, he only had an old Nokia and £2.23 in coppers..

[Luckypants]

A blonde got a job as a teacher. She noticed a boy in the field standing alone whilst all the other kids were running around having fun. She took pity on him & decided to speak to him.
'You ok?' She said
'Yes' He replied
'You can go & play with the other kids you know'
'It's better if I stay here' He insisted.
'Why?' Asked the blonde.
The boy replied: "Because I'm the goalkeeper"

[Bluepete]

At school, my favourite lesson was PE because I had the biggest penis in the class. I used to stroll around the changing room, naked, laughing at at everyone else's smaller dangles, flicking them with the tip of my towel.


Looking back, I think that's why I got sacked...

Pete

After 100 years at the bottom of the sea, Irish divers were amazed to find the swimming pool on the Titanic was still full