The Comedy Club - Post Your Jokes Here

whats black & white, & eats like a horse?






















a ZEBRA

Originally Posted by Law

......

There are no words to describe that joke.

Oh wait.. yes there is.. Sh**e

Is that a challenge? Come on then do your worst, come on let's hear um, I offer you a duel.

Originally Posted by Swiss

Is that a challenge? Come on then do your worst, come on let's hear um, I offer you a duel.

Worst? erm...

Why did the hedgehog cross the road?

To see his flat mate!


I will opt for my old favourite though


An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site.
The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, “You’re in charge of sweeping.”
He then jabs a thin finger at the Irishman, “You’re in charge of digging.”
Finally, he turns to the Chinaman, “And you’re in charge of supplies.
Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that pile.”
Two hours later, the foreman returns to find the pile of sand untouched, and the Italian and Irishman standing nearby.
“Why didn’t you touch it?” he says. The Italian looks at him. “We didn’t have a broom or shovel.
You said the Chinese guy was in charge of supplies, but he disappeared and we couldn’t find him.”
Annoyed, the foreman storms off to find the errant Oriental.
Just then, the Chinaman leaps from behind the sand. “Supplies!” he yells

Booooooo Rubbish Booooooo

how do you know if its raining cats & dogs?






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you will step in a poodle

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together.
One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.
Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!
Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.
Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley.
Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.
Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.
After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!
Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.
The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals.
A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!
The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.
Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thing and he would then lift him out of the pit.
The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.
The moral of the story? (yep, you betcha, there IS a moral!)





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"When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks

The Biker Bar

A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake. He finds
his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a
while, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky
voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I
think it's only fair, since you are blind, that you should know five
things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. Blonde with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters,
"No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A CANTERBURY farmer buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool.

After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help.

The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.

The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant.

The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when they are pregnant.

The man hangs up and gives it some thought.

He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself.

So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep.

Seeing that they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the Land Rover again.

He drives them out to the woods, bangs each of them twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted.

Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round.

"Try again," he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive them out to the woods.

He spends all day ******** the sheep and upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out of the window.

He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.

"No," she says, "they're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is beeping the horn."

While I was watching the NFL playoff games last weekend, my wife and I got into a conversation about life and death, and the need for living wills.

During the course of the conversation I told her that I never wanted to exist in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and taking fluids from a bottle.

She got up, unplugged the television, and threw out all my beer.

Sometimes it's tough being married to a smart ass

Originally Posted by Law

Worst? erm...

Why did the hedgehog cross the road?

To see his flat mate!


I will opt for my old favourite though


An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site.
The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, “You’re in charge of sweeping.”
He then jabs a thin finger at the Irishman, “You’re in charge of digging.”
Finally, he turns to the Chinaman, “And you’re in charge of supplies.
Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that pile.”
Two hours later, the foreman returns to find the pile of sand untouched, and the Italian and Irishman standing nearby.
“Why didn’t you touch it?” he says. The Italian looks at him. “We didn’t have a broom or shovel.
You said the Chinese guy was in charge of supplies, but he disappeared and we couldn’t find him.”
Annoyed, the foreman storms off to find the errant Oriental.
Just then, the Chinaman leaps from behind the sand. “Supplies!” he yells

Fair do's it is a better joke but bleedin' old! I would cut out the criticism if this is the best response!!