The Comedy Club - Post Your Jokes Here

A lorry driver breaks down on the M6 with a cargo of live monkeys on
board, bound for Chester Zoo. They need to be delivered by 9:00 am and
the driver fears he will get the sack if they don't get there on time.

He decides to try and thumb a lift for his monkeys and eventually an
Irish lorry driver pulls over. "Where they going ?" asks the Irish chap.
"Do us a favour mate and take these to Chester Zoo for me" says the
driver, "and here's a hundred quid for your troubles." "Happy days,"
says the Irish fella, loads the monkeys onto his truck and gets on his
way.

The lorry driver goes about trying to fix his truck and is there for a
good few hours when he notices the Irish fella coming back down the
motorway, still with all the chimps on board. Panicking, he flags him
down again.

"What are you playing at," he fumes, "I told you to take them to Chester
Zoo !"

"I did," says the Irish fella, "but there's still fifty quid left so now
we're going to Alton Towers."

Originally Posted by weazelz

Half of all adults in the United States say they have registered as an organ donor ...

... although only some have purchased a motorcycle to show that they're really serious about it

we are not worthy!
i like

[Stingo]

Probably been posted before but who cares?...

To help you forget your everyday problems and read how others put their thoughts into words, these are genuine clips from letters sent to UK Councils:



1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

2. He’s got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can’t take it anymore.

3. It’s the dogs’ mess that I find hard to swallow.

4. I want some repairs done to my cooker, as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

5. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

6. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

7. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was the bad wind the other night that blew them off.

8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

9. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

12. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.

13. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

15. Will you please send a man to look at my water; it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

16. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

17. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his **** wakes me up and it’s now getting too much for me.

18. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

19. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

20. I am a single women living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

21. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

22. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.

23. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can’t get BBC2.

[dizzyblonde]

do you have any mates in france stingo, I had that posted to me last night

[Stingo]

Originally Posted by dizzyblonde

do you have any mates in france stingo, I had that posted to me last night

Mates? Francais? Je ne sais pas quel que chose s'il vous plait. Les singes est dans l'arbres?

[dizzyblonde]

eh? parlez vous Yorkhire? je parle francais une petit peu, monsiuer Je suis une dizzyblonde
singers in the trees. my french is poo.

[Stingo]

Mais oui mademoiselle - je suis Pudsey. Les elephants est dans moi voiture. Regardez - le stylo est sur le table.

[dizzyblonde]

how many elephants can you get in a car?pouvez vous le reparer?

[Spiderman]

Originally Posted by Stingo

Mais oui mademoiselle - je suis Pudsey. Les elephants est dans moi voiture. Regardez - le stylo est sur le table.

Ah, oui. Votre stylo est tres joli.

[Stingo]

Originally Posted by Spiderman

Ah, oui. Votre stylo est tres joli.

Ah - le garcon spidey. Ou est le pont de le monsieur Biffin?