The Comedy Club - Post Your Jokes Here

[dizzyblonde]

y-at-il quelqu'un qui parle anglais??????????

Non.

Till death us do part:

When Joe, a nice man married for over 50 years died,

his wife, Myrtle was devastated.



A couple of months later, Myrtle also died.

Once in heaven, Myrtle , Anxiously looked for Joe.



Suddenly, behind a cloud, she could clearly see him.

She run towards him, calling his name: "Joe.
darling.."

Joe said: "Hold your horses woman, and don't "darling" me.

The deal was very clear!!

Until death do us part!"

An Irishman , a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."
The blonde opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known
how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!" The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or
enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."
(Oh this is GOOD!!)?
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. The idiot made his own lunch."

[dizzyblonde]

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of
her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in
the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in
the 3rd grade too!"
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the
principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he
would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his
questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he
agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9."
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36."
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd
grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can
go to the 3rd grade."
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two
of?"
Harry, after a moment: "Legs."
Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: "Pockets."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants."
Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains a thin, whitish liquid?"
Harry: "Coconut."
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and
sticky?"
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the
answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting
down and a dog does on three legs?"
Harry: "Shake hands."
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means
a lot of heat and excitement?"
Harry: "Fire-truck."



The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put
Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.

Here's something for all you medical
know-it-alls . .. ..

Did you know that in the human body there
is a nerve that connects the eyeball to the
anus?

It is called the "anal optic nerve". It's
responsible for giving people a "****ty
outlook" on life.

If you don't believe it, pull a hair from
your ass, and see if it doesn't bring a
tear to your eye

Originally Posted by Stingo

Mais oui mademoiselle - je suis Pudsey. Les elephants est dans moi voiture. Regardez - le stylo est sur le table.

Now that's the funniest damn thing I've read in ages...

Originally Posted by Stingo

Mais oui mademoiselle - je suis Pudsey. Les elephants sont dans moi voiture. Regardez - le stylo est sur le table.

Plural, Stingo, plural.

Originally Posted by Jdubya

Here's something for all you medical
know-it-alls . .. ..

Did you know that in the human body there
is a nerve that connects the eyeball to the
anus?

It is called the "anal optic nerve". It's
responsible for giving people a "****ty
outlook" on life.

If you don't believe it, pull a hair from
your ass, and see if it doesn't bring a
tear to your eye

No, this is the funniest thing you've read in ages!