The Comedy Club - Post Your Jokes Here - Page 7 - SV650.org

Stingo · 17-11-06, 09:42 PM

WHAT A WOMAN SAYS.....

"This place is a mess! C’mon,you and I need to clean up, your stuff is laying on the floor and you’ll have no clothes to wear if we don’t do the laundry right now"

WHAT MEN HEAR.......

"Blah,Blah,Blah,Blah, C’mon
Blah,Blah,Blah, You and I
Blah,Blah,On the floor
Blah,Blah,Blah,No clothes
Blah,Blah,Blah,Blah,Right now!!!!"

18-11-06, 08:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stingo

WHAT A WOMAN SAYS.....

"This place is a mess! C’mon,you and I need to clean up, your stuff is laying on the floor and you’ll have no clothes to wear if we don’t do the laundry right now"

WHAT MEN HEAR.......

"Blah,Blah,Blah,Blah, C’mon
Blah,Blah,Blah, You and I
Blah,Blah,On the floor
Blah,Blah,Blah,No clothes
Blah,Blah,Blah,Blah,Right now!!!!"

19-11-06, 02:26 PM

Drunk again...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=soWbvSY7NmQ

Richie · 19-11-06, 06:42 PM

TEL · 20-11-06, 02:24 PM

How to Tell the Sex of a Fly

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?"
She asked.
"Hunting Flies"
He responded.
"Oh. ! Killing any?"
She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked.
"How can you tell them apart?"
He responded,
"3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone.

20-11-06, 06:17 PM

he he/

22-11-06, 01:13 PM

A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl named Mary stopped beside him on her new shiny bike.

"Nice bike" the cop said "did Santa bring it to you?"

"Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!"

The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a £20 ticket for a safety violation, saying "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."

The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?"

"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.

The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the d**k goes underneath the horse, not on top."

tinpants · 23-11-06, 10:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hovi5

A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl named Mary stopped beside him on her new shiny bike.

"Nice bike" the cop said "did Santa bring it to you?"

"Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!"

The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a £20 ticket for a safety violation, saying "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."

The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?"

"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.

The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the d**k goes underneath the horse, not on top."

Just spat tea all over the monitor screen

Now thats funny

SoulKiss · 23-11-06, 10:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bellerophon

Just spat tea all over the monitor screen

Now thats funny

Shhhhh dont feed the trolls :P

Richie · 23-11-06, 08:32 PM

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

(written by kids)

(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you
like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should
keep the chips and dip coming.
- Alan, age 10

(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to
marry.
God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're
stuck with.
- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by
then.
- Camille, age 10

(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get
married.
- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling
at the same kids.
- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

(1) Both don't want any more kids.
- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to
know
each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually
gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
- Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

(1) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the
newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

(1) When they're rich.
- Pam, age 7

(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess
with that.
- Curt, age 7

(3 ) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should
marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

(1 ) I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm
never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed
out.
- Theodore, age 8

(2 ) It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need
someone to clean up after them.
- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

(1 ) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favourite is........

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

(1 ) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a
truck.
- Ricky, age 10

17-11-06, 09:42 PM	#61
Stingo Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Plymouth, Devon - mostly. Posts: 527	WHAT A WOMAN SAYS..... "This place is a mess! C’mon,you and I need to clean up, your stuff is laying on the floor and you’ll have no clothes to wear if we don’t do the laundry right now" WHAT MEN HEAR....... "Blah,Blah,Blah,Blah, C’mon Blah,Blah,Blah, You and I Blah,Blah,On the floor Blah,Blah,Blah,No clothes Blah,Blah,Blah,Blah,Right now!!!!" __________________ Twitter: @poseidon_ashore

19-11-06, 06:42 PM	#64
Richie fantabulas Mega Poster Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Nr Durham Posts: 4,940	__________________ My Flickr photos

20-11-06, 02:24 PM	#65
TEL Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Barry, S.Wales Posts: 245	How to Tell the Sex of a Fly A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh. ! Killing any?" She asked. "Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell them apart?" He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone. __________________ Blue naked K4

23-11-06, 08:32 PM	#70
Richie fantabulas Mega Poster Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Nr Durham Posts: 4,940	HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids) (1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. - Alan, age 10 (2) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. - Kristen, age 10 WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? (1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. - Camille, age 10 (2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. - Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age) HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? (1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. - Derrick, age 8 WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? (1) Both don't want any more kids. - Lori, age 8 WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? (1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. - Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure) (2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. - Martin, age 10 WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR? (1) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. -Craig, age 9 WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? (1) When they're rich. - Pam, age 7 (2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. - Curt, age 7 (3 ) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. - Howard, age 8 IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? (1 ) I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out. - Theodore, age 8 (2 ) It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. - Anita, age 9 (bless you child) HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? (1 ) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? - Kelvin, age 8 And the #1 Favourite is........ HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? (1 ) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. - Ricky, age 10 __________________ My Flickr photos

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19-11-06, 02:26 PM	#63
Razor Guest Posts: n/a	Drunk again... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=soWbvSY7NmQ

22-11-06, 01:13 PM	#67
hovis Guest Posts: n/a	A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl named Mary stopped beside him on her new shiny bike. "Nice bike" the cop said "did Santa bring it to you?" "Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!" The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a £20 ticket for a safety violation, saying "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it." The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?" "Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop. The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the d**k goes underneath the horse, not on top."