I just found out I am a father... (read comment)

[SoulKiss]

Originally Posted by davepreston

how dare you sir
i also insult the jocks,taffs ,english, southeners, french, fat people, yc, black, yellow brown, muslims, and of course if i didnt mention YC
i hope that clarifies the situation

Yep indeed, Davepreston is not prejudiced in ANY way.

He hates everyone equally

Just NEVER get him on the subject of bog-trotting paddys...

Originally Posted by Speedy Claire

If you are proven to be the legal father then you will have access rights.

One of the many wrongs in the law:

http://www.family-lawfirm.co.uk/Arti...ty-rights.aspx

Basically, if you are unmarried, and not on the birth certificate, legally you are entitled to squat diddly.

F**king wrong, I know.

Originally Posted by hongman

One of the many wrongs in the law:

http://www.family-lawfirm.co.uk/Arti...ty-rights.aspx

Basically, if you are unmarried, and not on the birth certificate, legally you are entitled to squat diddly.

F**king wrong, I know.

Diddly squat it is then. I have the right to oay though, the CSA are making sure of that!

Whoever said the mother was right to be angry with me to begin with should re-read what I put.
I respected her father and did all she wished, I did all the travelling and all the arranging for the baby only to be kicked out of her house when I didn't do anything wrong (even her brother didn't understand)

I tried to sort out our differences in the August of '05 only to be let down by her and now I am expected to do everything!

I will do everything, but, only for my daughters sake!

Just so it is clear I am not trying to make out here that I am blameless for anything to do with this situation.

I did try to start up again with the mother, obviously I didn't try hard enough. But, at the time I wasn't 100% sure the baby was mine and I didn't have the £300 spare to get the test done after just leaving Uni!

I feel bad about how all this has gone, I just hope I can make right and do well for my daughter

Wrongs on both sides from what I read/interpret, but all that is pretty moot now its done and dusted.

Onwards and upwards! Concentrate on making plans and actioning them for the future, try not to dwell on the things that you cant change. Easier said than done, but it will get easier with time I'd imagine.

Whoever said about making a diary etc for her to read one day, great idea too.

If you tried to do the right thing at the time then credit to you, many have taken the easy way out. It's funny how you're never needed until money comes up!

Use this as a way of building a relationship with your daughter, make the mother have to explain WHY you can't have access and justify it. There could be many reasons why she behaved as she did, it's still not right, but try to understand!

I have a soon-to-be-5year old, I had to finish with his mother, because we were endlessly arguing, and it was becoming obvious that I wasn't what she wanted (there was plenty of fault on my side as well) but I'm lucky we have remained able to talk and to help each other. When she has been going through things I often found myself a target, but now we are good friends. I help her if she needs it.

It's a shame you have to put up with hostility on her part. Try to understand her reasons (even if they are rubbish). If you show you care for your daughter, and do what you say you're going to do, she may open up and you may be able to have a better relationship with both. Best of luck to you!

If the information I have is correct the mother of my daughter is married, so, I can only imagine the reason I am being dragged into this is to do with money

But, as the chance has been presented to me I am going to use it to get to know the daughter I doubt I would have ever known about unless she came to find me or vice versa in the future

Congratulations on your daughter, children are amazing and I hope you get to share time with yours.

Do you think she'd ever have found you if it weren't for facebook?

She didn't find me through facebook, the CSA "found" me... Friends of mine are friends of hers as we went to the same Uni, so, she could always get in touch, just why wait 4 years!?

Do you actually want to meet your daughter?? Only asking because you say you have been 'dragged' into it??

Have you tried to contact the mother yet?

Forget about the hows and why's it has got to this point - you really need to sort your head out and decide if you want to see your daughter or not and keep in constant touch with her for the next 18 years!!

If you think its going to be hard, then dont bother - but you may regret it, you may not? I dont know, and neither will you till it happens.

Your decision is going to affect a childs future - you need to sit down and really think it thru..

Its not just about money - she is a person.

Dont want to sound harsh but if you really want to be part of her life then get in touch with her or find out (even if its thru CSA how to contact her and do it!