The Comedy Club - Post Your Jokes Here

A beautiful woman went to the gynecologist. The doctor took one look at the woman and all his professionalism flew out the window. He immediately told her to get undressed.



After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While
Doing so he asked her,
"Do you know what I am doing?"





"Yes," she replied, "You are checking for abrasions or
Dermatological abnormalities."


"That's right," said the doctor. He then began to fondle her Breasts.
"Do you know what I am doing now?"
he asked.

"Yes," she said, "You are checking for lumps which might indicate Breast cancer."


"Correct," replied the shady doctor. Finally, he mounted his
Patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked,
"Do you know what I am doing now?"


"Yes," she said, "You're getting herpes: which is why I came
here in the first place."

This is so true! They always ask at the doctor's office why you
are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong
and sometimes it is embarrassing. There's nothing worse than a
Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you
in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.
>>
An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and
approached the desk.... The Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are
you seeing the Doctor for today?"
"There's something wrong with my ****", he replied. The
receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into
a crowded waiting room and say things like that." "Why not? You
asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.
The Receptionist replied; "Now you've caused some embarrassment in
this room full of people. You should have said there is something
wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further
with the Doctor in private."
The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a
room full strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone. The
man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes??" "There's
something wrong with my ear", he stated.

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had
taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir??"

"I can't **** out of it," he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter.

Mess with seniors and you're gonna lose!

[Stingo]

I suggest you sit on the floor before reading this one - I don't want you to hurt yourselves falling off your chair!! Oh...and put that drink down too!!

Right...here we go...


Two tramps meet down a lane, after passing pleasentries, one tramp say's. "Don't go in that field over there".
His mate asks why. "Because its haunted". His mate said. "How do you know it's haunted". The other tramp said. "I wanted to cr@ p and went into the field, dropped my trousers, squatted down and all I heard was a snapping noise and that happened all over the field".

His mate asked how long it was since he had eaten and the other tramp said "About three days, Why?"







His mate said "Thats the answer, you're hungry and its your **** snapping at the grass!!!!

[Stingo]

And in the stylee of the great Cuffy....


Micheal Barrymore has just be asked if he'd like to do panto this year.

He declined at this stage saying - "I did Aladdin a few years back and still haven't heard the last of it"

[Wideboy]

dad on the beach says to the peedo get out of my sun

2 peedos sat on a park bench a 12yr old girl walks past one says to the other i be she was good in her day

[Stingo]

[Wideboy]

sorry

Originally Posted by «Ŵìđéßõ¥»

sorry

For the spelling, I assume?

"Peedo" should be spelt "Paedo" as in "Paedophile". Notice the dipthong*




* a word which itself sounds ruder than it's meaning

Originally Posted by Stingo

And in the stylee of the great Cuffy....


Micheal Barrymore has just be asked if he'd like to do panto this year.

He declined at this stage saying - "I did Aladdin a few years back and still haven't heard the last of it"

Aww thanks stingo,
He has just opened a pub in Somerset, Barrymore thst is not stingo...He's named it "The Mendip Inn"

Your true comedy genius

Originally Posted by cuffy

He's named it "The Mendip Inn"

Before that he owned a pub on Cathedral Road in Cardiff called "The Halfway Inn"....... but experience has allowed him to move upwards from there.