The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes - Page 76 - SV650.org

21-03-13, 10:06 PM

I was in a bar the other night and overheard 3 very hefty women talking . Their accent , appeared to be Scottish , so I approached them and said "Hello ladies , are you from Scotland ?" . One of them angrily screeched "It`s Wales you bloody idiot , Wales !" .

So I apologised and said "I am ever so sorry , are you 3 Whales from Scotland ?"

It`s the last thing I remember

.

andrewsmith · 21-03-13, 10:17 PM

Stolen!!!

LewSpeight · 23-03-13, 12:37 PM

Bump. C'mon guys.

23-03-13, 01:33 PM

Why did the Siamese twins come to Britain ?

So the other one could drive for a while.

punyXpress · 23-03-13, 09:26 PM

Not really a joke, but . .
From the States, but seems to happen a lot over here!

Elmer & Leroy

A guy stopped at a local ga s station, and after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep then move on. The other man came along behind him and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was 25 feet behind - filling in the hole. The men worked right past the guy with the soft drink and went on down the road.

"I can't stand this," said the man to himself, then tossing the can into a trash container - headed down the road toward the men. "Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with all this digging and refilling?" "Well, we work for the government and we're just doing our job," one of the men said. "But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the taxpayers' money?" "You don't understand, mister," the other man said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally there's three of us: me, Elmer and Leroy. I dig the hole, Elmer sticks in the tree, and Leroy here puts the dirt back." "Elmer's job's been cut ... so now it's just me an' Leroy."

Bluepete · 24-03-13, 05:06 PM

I asked my Welsh mate how many sexual partners he'd had.

He started counting and fell asleep!

Pete

andrewsmith · 24-03-13, 05:28 PM

hahaha

Stolen!!!

Bluepete · 24-03-13, 07:11 PM

Last night I dressed my penis up as a clown and tried to have sex with my wife.

It's nothing kinky, it just hurts less when she laughs at it...

Pete

25-03-13, 12:27 PM

Had to see the doctor this morning about my prostate. He gave me the thumbs up.

punyXpress · 25-03-13, 12:48 PM

Could've been worse - at least you avoided having the hedgehog royally inserted.

21-03-13, 10:06 PM	#751
xXBADGERXx Guest Posts: n/a	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes I was in a bar the other night and overheard 3 very hefty women talking . Their accent , appeared to be Scottish , so I approached them and said "Hello ladies , are you from Scotland ?" . One of them angrily screeched "It`s Wales you bloody idiot , Wales !" . So I apologised and said "I am ever so sorry , are you 3 Whales from Scotland ?" It`s the last thing I remember .

21-03-13, 10:17 PM	#752
andrewsmith Member Mega Poster Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, Just south of salad dodging country Posts: 7,750	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes Stolen!!! __________________ RIP Reeder 20/07/1988 - 21/03/2012. Always missed squire!!! Every year we meet old friends, gain some new ones, lose old ones and you always remember them all. “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” Mahatma Gandhi

23-03-13, 12:37 PM	#753
LewSpeight Member Mega Poster Join Date: Nov 2012 Location: Halifax, UK Posts: 1,167	The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes Bump. C'mon guys. __________________ BREAKING MY SV - CLICKY CLICKY You laugh at me because i am different.. ....................................I laugh harder because you are all the same.

23-03-13, 01:33 PM	#754
xXBADGERXx Guest Posts: n/a	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes Why did the Siamese twins come to Britain ? So the other one could drive for a while.

23-03-13, 09:26 PM	#755
punyXpress Member Mega Poster Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Riding, North Posts: 2,664	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes Not really a joke, but . . From the States, but seems to happen a lot over here! Elmer & Leroy A guy stopped at a local ga s station, and after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep then move on. The other man came along behind him and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was 25 feet behind - filling in the hole. The men worked right past the guy with the soft drink and went on down the road. "I can't stand this," said the man to himself, then tossing the can into a trash container - headed down the road toward the men. "Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with all this digging and refilling?" "Well, we work for the government and we're just doing our job," one of the men said. "But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the taxpayers' money?" "You don't understand, mister," the other man said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally there's three of us: me, Elmer and Leroy. I dig the hole, Elmer sticks in the tree, and Leroy here puts the dirt back." "Elmer's job's been cut ... so now it's just me an' Leroy." __________________ Was: K2 naked in rapid yellow - gone to a better? place Now: Street Triple R

24-03-13, 05:06 PM	#756
Bluepete Member Mega Poster Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Ex motorcyclist Posts: 1,961	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes I asked my Welsh mate how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting and fell asleep! Pete

24-03-13, 05:28 PM	#757
andrewsmith Member Mega Poster Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, Just south of salad dodging country Posts: 7,750	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes hahaha Stolen!!! __________________ RIP Reeder 20/07/1988 - 21/03/2012. Always missed squire!!! Every year we meet old friends, gain some new ones, lose old ones and you always remember them all. “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” Mahatma Gandhi

24-03-13, 07:11 PM	#758
Bluepete Member Mega Poster Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Ex motorcyclist Posts: 1,961	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes Last night I dressed my penis up as a clown and tried to have sex with my wife. It's nothing kinky, it just hurts less when she laughs at it... Pete

25-03-13, 12:27 PM	#759
BigBaddad Guest Posts: n/a	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes Had to see the doctor this morning about my prostate. He gave me the thumbs up.

25-03-13, 12:48 PM	#760
punyXpress Member Mega Poster Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Riding, North Posts: 2,664	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes Could've been worse - at least you avoided having the hedgehog royally inserted. __________________ Was: K2 naked in rapid yellow - gone to a better? place Now: Street Triple R

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