The Comedy Club - Post Your Jokes Here

[mattSV]

A lad walks in to his parent's bedroom to find his dad giving his mum one.

The dad laughs throws a pillow at the lad and tells him to get out.

Hours later the dad hears a commotion coming from the lad's bedroom. He enters the bedroom to find the lad giving his nan one.

The dad looks horrified.


'Not so funny when its your mum is it?' says the lad

De Ja Vu?

[Stu]

but it's much funnier in big thick black font

Ebay funny.....very good.

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.d...46#description

[Stingo]

£16 already!!

Billy was at school and the teacher asked all the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came - fireman, policeman, salesman, chippy, captain of industry etc, but Billy was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.

My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really good, he'll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him."

The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little Billy aside to ask him if that was really true.

"No" said Billy, "He plays cricket for England but I was just too embarrassed to say."

[tigersaw]

I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was
having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, Daddy, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers," pretending to eat them.

I went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, "What's wrong, honey?"

She replied, "What happened to my bogey?"

Liverpool airport was closed for four hours today after police found a
suspicious car parked outside.

It was taxed, insured and still had its radio.

I'm usually a bit skeptical about these heartwarming stories, but this one is truly interesting...

In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University.

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mbembe approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Mbembe was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mbembe' s legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

After the sad demise of Pavarotti, Elton John will now be making up the famous trio, 2 tenors and a nine bob note