The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes - Page 93 - SV650.org

BanannaMan · 08-03-14, 06:10 AM

To offset any possible lost Gas revenues and to boost the economy, the Ukraine has anounced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists.

They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

BanannaMan · 09-03-14, 06:21 AM

So Crimea has devised an independence referendum, voted, counted the votes and ratified the results ... all within 48 hours.

Makes the Scots' performance look pretty ****-poor.

BanannaMan · 11-03-14, 05:10 AM

You know you're booked on Malaysian Airlines when.....

They don't sell tickets, they sell chances.
All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out.
Before the flight the crew rolls dice to see who will be captain.
The stewardess asks you to fasten your velcro.
The plane has both a bathroom and a chapel.

BanannaMan · 11-03-14, 02:16 PM

What's the quickest way to feed a large number of sharks?

Malaysian Airlines.

BanannaMan · 16-03-14, 01:59 AM

Well done to Ireland for winning The Six Nations.
Even more well done to the French for actually fighting until the end.

All this time and money spent looking for that Malaysian Plane,
They could've just bought a new one.

This missing plane full of Chinese. Just a thought but has anyone checked Morecambe Bay yet?

Has anyone checked with Katie Price's gynaecologist to see if he's seen that missing plane?

The family of the PC World employee who was on Malaysian flight 370 are pleased that their son couldn't be to blame for the crash after an expert said it would take someone with technical expertise with computers to disable the onboard systems.

16-03-14, 04:55 AM

I'm getting worried about flying......first the Malaysian Plane Crash...........then A Chopper goes missing in Middlesborough.

"Gas it w###a".........

BanannaMan · 17-03-14, 04:04 AM

Well, it's that day again when the Irish miss work and spend all day drinking.

Monday

What do a pint of Guinness and the mother-in-law's birthday have in common?

For one day a year, you have to pretend that you actually like them.

BanannaMan · 18-03-14, 06:23 AM

Let's spare a thought for the man who told his wife that he was going to China on the Malaysian plane and now can't leave his girlfriend's apartment.

Obama has warned Russia there will be "consequences" for their actions in Crimea.
Namely:
1. Russia will get a little bigger.
2. America will look a bit daft.

punyXpress · 18-03-14, 10:50 AM

3. We're in for a long cold winter when Putin turns off the gas.

Shawthing · 18-03-14, 09:54 PM

What do you call the period of time between eating a piece of chicken and realising you don't like Peri Peri sauce?

A Nando second.

08-03-14, 06:10 AM	#921
BanannaMan Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Appalachia Posts: 419	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes To offset any possible lost Gas revenues and to boost the economy, the Ukraine has anounced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real. __________________ ...Bill *"The Mountains are calling and I must go"*

09-03-14, 06:21 AM	#922
BanannaMan Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Appalachia Posts: 419	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes So Crimea has devised an independence referendum, voted, counted the votes and ratified the results ... all within 48 hours. Makes the Scots' performance look pretty **-poor. __________________ ...Bill "The Mountains are calling and I must go"**

11-03-14, 05:10 AM	#923
BanannaMan Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Appalachia Posts: 419	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes You know you're booked on Malaysian Airlines when..... They don't sell tickets, they sell chances. All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out. Before the flight the crew rolls dice to see who will be captain. The stewardess asks you to fasten your velcro. The plane has both a bathroom and a chapel. __________________ ...Bill *"The Mountains are calling and I must go"*

11-03-14, 02:16 PM	#924
BanannaMan Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Appalachia Posts: 419	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes What's the quickest way to feed a large number of sharks? Malaysian Airlines. __________________ ...Bill *"The Mountains are calling and I must go"*

16-03-14, 01:59 AM	#925
BanannaMan Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Appalachia Posts: 419	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes Well done to Ireland for winning The Six Nations. Even more well done to the French for actually fighting until the end. All this time and money spent looking for that Malaysian Plane, They could've just bought a new one. This missing plane full of Chinese. Just a thought but has anyone checked Morecambe Bay yet? Has anyone checked with Katie Price's gynaecologist to see if he's seen that missing plane? The family of the PC World employee who was on Malaysian flight 370 are pleased that their son couldn't be to blame for the crash after an expert said it would take someone with technical expertise with computers to disable the onboard systems. __________________ ...Bill *"The Mountains are calling and I must go"* Last edited by BanannaMan; 16-03-14 at 03:04 AM.

16-03-14, 04:55 AM	#926
CharleyFarley Guest Posts: n/a	The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes I'm getting worried about flying......first the Malaysian Plane Crash...........then A Chopper goes missing in Middlesborough. "Gas it w###a".........

17-03-14, 04:04 AM	#927
BanannaMan Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Appalachia Posts: 419	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes Well, it's that day again when the Irish miss work and spend all day drinking. Monday What do a pint of Guinness and the mother-in-law's birthday have in common? For one day a year, you have to pretend that you actually like them. __________________ ...Bill *"The Mountains are calling and I must go"* Last edited by BanannaMan; 18-03-14 at 05:59 AM.

18-03-14, 06:23 AM	#928
BanannaMan Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Appalachia Posts: 419	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes Let's spare a thought for the man who told his wife that he was going to China on the Malaysian plane and now can't leave his girlfriend's apartment. Obama has warned Russia there will be "consequences" for their actions in Crimea. Namely: 1. Russia will get a little bigger. 2. America will look a bit daft. __________________ ...Bill *"The Mountains are calling and I must go"*

18-03-14, 10:50 AM	#929
punyXpress Member Mega Poster Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Riding, North Posts: 2,664	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes 3. We're in for a long cold winter when Putin turns off the gas. __________________ Was: K2 naked in rapid yellow - gone to a better? place Now: Street Triple R

18-03-14, 09:54 PM	#930
Shawthing Member Join Date: May 2011 Location: Manchester Posts: 396	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes What do you call the period of time between eating a piece of chicken and realising you don't like Peri Peri sauce? A Nando second. __________________ SK9 Sport Black Delkevic can. Non arbores caesa suum mittere nuntius, sed magnum numerum electrons uehementissime incommo.

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