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Old 03-07-05, 12:54 AM   #1
tigersaw
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Default What would you add to the highway code?

The highway code is full of helpful information for the next update, what useful advice would you add?

My first two:

1: If the car in front has a couple of old giffers in it, ( Male driver has pork pie hat, female driver wont be able to see over steering wheel) they will almost certainly be looking for a garden centre, and once one is spotted they will brake and turn without notice due to the exitement.

2: If the car in front slows down without warning the driver is most likely answering the phone. Pass carefully, slowly and very wide when safe to do so, hitting the horn all the time.
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Old 03-07-05, 06:32 AM   #2
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If you hear a loud booming sound beside you at a junction. You will then have to have a pretend race with the 4 spotty occupants!

Be aware of cars with St Georges flags flying. Most of the drivers are suffering from delusions of grandeur!
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Old 03-07-05, 11:01 AM   #3
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I think they should finally put in writing what many drivers already know to be fact. such as:

If you are driving a taxi you are a god and own the road.

If you are driving a Volvo you are a god and own the road.

If you are driving a BMW you are an idiot and own the road.

If you are driving a Mercedes you are a rich idiot and own the road.

If you are driving a Volvo Taxi, your other car is a Mercedes and you bought your wife a BMW for Christmas, you are a rich idiot of a god who owns the road.

Putting on your hazard lights indicates you can park anywhere with impunity.

If you think you have right of way and your car is bigger than anyone elses, then you have right of way.

When driving a white van a frontal lobotomy is required by law, seat belts are not.

Motorcyclists are simply fast moving pinballs, you get more points for bouncing them repeatedly off roundabouts.

Road Tax, Insurance and a Licence are all optional extras when owning a vehicle, they do not come as standard.
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Old 03-07-05, 11:22 AM   #4
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1. Bikes are allowed to filter and pull alongside you at lights. Don't take it as aggressive and don't position your car to prevent them from doing so. If you do, don't be suprised when your wing mirror is punched off. Also, if you decide to change lanes without indicating, in stationary traffic, despite there not being a space in the lane next to you and neglect to check your blindpost, do the decent thing and admit 100% liability when a biker 'gets air' off your boot.

2. Bikes ease congestion, respect them: Would you rather the mild annoyance of a 'loud can' passing or that your commute to work took even longer, due to more cages on the road?

3. Lane discipline: we mean it. Drifting into other lanes on a roundabout is idiotic.

4. Cagers: USE YOUR ****ING INDICATORS! and not just once your half way through the turn.

5. Kids, roads are dangerous, don't play in them. If you do, get the hell out of the way when you hear a car or bike coming. If you lack the relevant mental development to cross them safely, unsupervised, you shouldn't be crossing without mummy holding your hand.

6. Teenagers, yes we know you have your ipods in and your hoodies up, but at least turn your head to check the road is clear before stepping out. You look significantly less hard when you cry like a little girl because a car has broken your leg. Cheers.

7. Old people: Those scooters of yours are slower than bicycles. Use them as such. Stay in to the left hand side of the road. Hogging the middle of an open 30mph road, at 4mph winds up other road users. Don't be suprised, do your 'disapproving face' or tut when people dangerously overtake you or beep their horns/flash their lights.

8. Tractors, horse trailers, lorries. If you must crawl through back lanes at 15mph, when you see a line of traffic 2 miles long in your mirrors and haven't seen a vehicle in front of you, do the decent thing: Pull over and let the queue pass you when it is safe to do so. Same goes for old people in Volvos out for a Sunday drive.
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Old 03-07-05, 11:41 AM   #5
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lol ur crazy :P
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Old 03-07-05, 02:46 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by K
Putting on your hazard lights indicates you can park anywhere with impunity.
How true is that?

What I would like to see in the Highway Code:

1. Drivers of Fiestas, Sierras and Mondeos: it is not compulsory to have your rear light clusters incorrectly wired or short-circuiting

2. On two-lane motorways it is not acceptable for for HGVs travelling at 56mph to race each other, side by side for 20 miles

3. Cyclists: Red lights apply to you, too.

4. Mothers with babies in pushchairs: when crossing the road from between two parked vehicles, always test to see if a vehicle is coming by pushing out the buggy first; it's made of metal and your baby will be safe

5. German cars are illegal in the UK.

6. White vans are illegal in the UK.

7. Give a cheery two-fingered salute when inconvenienced by another road user even when you're in the wrong.

8. Motorcyclists: Beating seven different types of crap out of inappropriately dressed chavs on scooters is not unlawful; it's the only way they'll learn.

9. Speed camera enforcement practices do not apply to motorcyclists.

10. Wheelying down the High Street to impress the local totty is big and is clever.
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Old 03-07-05, 04:19 PM   #7
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1. It is unlawful to put manholes in the middle of the road.
2. It is unlawful to put tar banding in the midde of the road.
3. Speed cameras are there to raise money. Please respect them.
4. The Green Cross Code does not apply only to people who are green and cross.
5. SMIDSY is not a valid excuse.
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Old 03-07-05, 06:55 PM   #8
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On motorways there are posts on the left every 400yds or so bearing a picture of a little telephone. These markers designate the nearside lane as being for the exclusive use of car drivers making or receiving mobile phone calls.
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Old 03-07-05, 06:58 PM   #9
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I would add:

If in traffic and you spot someone on their phone, increase revs steadily until the redline next to their window. Especially good if you're on a 2 stroke.

*EDIT* and..

If you get a cigarette butt thrown out of the window at you, catch it, wait until the vehicle stops, then chuck it back in.

(have done both of those with comical results)
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Old 03-07-05, 07:00 PM   #10
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Female Pedestrains shoudl not wear shorts skirts and skimpy attire on hot summer days.

All shop fronts in town centres should have nice big mirroed glass windows so you can see how cool you look on your bike.
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