Bad day at the office?

[tinpants]

Bad day at the office?
If you can beat this, it is time to change jobs!
If you don't laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma!
This is even funnier when you realise it's real! Next time you have a bad day at work ... think of this guy.

Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 on FM dial in Ft. Wayne, Indiana,who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest.

Needless to say, she won.

Hi Sue, Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realise it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realised what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonising in-water decompression stops totalling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt. Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job."

Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?

May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!!

[Viney]

*tears in the eyes through laughter and the thought of that*

STILL THINK YOU ARE HAVING A BAD DAY?

A man was working o*n his motorcycle o*n his patio and his wife was in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine o*n the motorcycle when it accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding o*nto the handle bars, was dragged through the glass patio doors and along with the motorcycle dumped o*nto the floor inside the house.

The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room and found her husband lying o*n the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle lying next to him, and the shattered patio door. The wife ran to the phone and summoned the ambulance. Because they lived o*n a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of stairs to the street to escort the paramedics to her husband.

After the ambulance arrived and transported the man to the hospital, the wife up righted the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Seeing that gas was spilled o*n the floor, the wife got some paper towels, blotted up the petrol, and threw the towels in the toilet.

The man was treated and released to come home. Upon arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went to the bathroom, sat down o*n the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while seated.

The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard the loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband lying o*n the floor.

His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns o*n the buttocks, the back of his legs, and his groin. The wife again ran to the phone to call the ambulance. The very same paramedic crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The paramedics loaded the husband o*n to the stretcher and began carrying him to the street.

While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, o*ne of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, o*ne of them slipped and tipped the stretcher, dumping the husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs and broke his arm.

JUST REMEMBER, IT COULD BE WORSE.....

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places.

Until that moment he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

AND FINALLY.......

Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage o*n a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped o*n it.

Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

Your day's not so bad, is it!!

Originally Posted by Mr Toad

Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage o*n a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped o*n it.

Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

Your day's not so bad, is it!!

Now that's Karma

The jellyfish one was great. Now that's a bad day at the orafice.

Ha.

(well I though it was funny).

Originally Posted by sv_dan

The jellyfish one was great. Now that's a bad day at the orafice.

Ha.

(well I though it was funny).

though unlikely to be true:

http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/diver.htm

still funny though.

Mr Toads is also on snopes too:

http://www.snopes.com/embarrass/accident/toilet.asp

http://www.snopes.com/humor/lists/fakenews.htm

[Biker Biggles]

Don't know about the others,but the story about the bloke who got his **** burned by the exploding toilet and then dropped down the stairs is true.You should never tell a funny story to someone who is carrying you down a flight of stairs.

Looks true to me

Originally Posted by mac

Looks true to me

Next you'll be saying you believe everything written in Wikipedia... :P