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Old 09-10-12, 09:08 AM   #1
Fallout
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Default North North West Guildford Review

Fellow Guildford cabinet members, I have returned from my tour of duty to spread our superior and awe inspiring ways to the new NNW Guildford (Mid/North Wales). Here follows a brief summary of events ...

1. Left at 11am ish Friday to meet Minister of Cakes and Chris "Fugly" on the M40. They're heading up in a van as Fugly has no bike license due to being Robocop and Clare still wanted to take her bike. Oh, the Chris thing: take Guy Pears's memory issue in Momento and add futuristic coronary bionic implants, and you have Chris. Met them, loaded my bike onto the van, then took on the driving to Dolgellau, as obviously allowing a woman to drive on Welsh roads would be plain lunacy.



2. Arrived at mansion rented house in the evening. Off loaded bikes. Starting drinking cider, then got an SOS call from Hong (ultimate SV rider - seriously A LUNATIC) who'd broken down somewhere in England. Back in van and off to the rescue. Returned with a tatty blue SV in van, continued drinking cider and the Minister for Cakes fixed us dinner. I knew we brought her for some reason.



3. First days riding started with the hilarity of bump starting Hong's bike, and his down right illegal exhaust waking everyone up for miles around. It had rained overnight but was sunny. Then the ride began. It was a completely new experience. Never have I ridden in such a challenging environment. At several points I was going down a very steep mountain, rapidly approaching an off camber hair pin bend with no external barriers and a certain death cliff on the outside, with mountain run off water creating a skid pan right at the apex. Proper pantpooing territory, but FUDGE ME it was epic! Videos to follow.



4. Returned home and knocked together a Rogan Josh with the Minister of Cakes, drank more cider, played and lost at scrabble. Found out the house was infested with spiders as big as dinner plates. Smoked lots of fags.

5. Day 2 saw Paul the 6th and Rob head home and Clare hang back to keep Fugly entertained. Hong adorned Clare's sequin bikini from AR12, for reasons nobody really knows, and subsequently wear it for the entire day over his leathers. So Christopher, Hong and El Presidino set off for more epic road in the unexpectedly awesome weather.



I've never ridden so fast in my life, nor followed an SV ridden so hard. Wales is an SV paradise, where the extra power of the gixxer is hard to utilise with the lack of straights and constantly flowing low speed bends. With Hong leaning the bike over into head down territory, the SV was just as quick as both gixxers.

The best part is that there really were no moments. Hong did one or two dubious overtakes. I had to bottle one overtake, and I ran wide on one corner which incidentally was the furthest I've ever had the bike leant over. But apart from that, it was smooth successful lunacy. Minster of Cakes and Fugly also joined us for a picnic half way round and an ice cream later, while Hong's bikini was admired by all. Vids to follow.



6. Returned back to the mansion for a Minister of Cakes made spag bol, alcohol and screen of Momento for Fugly's benefit!

7. Got up to the third fried brekkie of the weekend then loaded up the van and blasted off home with broken rear light relays and therefore non working brake lights.

Summary: Perfect SV territory. Throwable corners all day, with very few power sections. Power wheelies, two wheeled air, and ejector seat action aplenty. Terrifying and beautiful, but we were extremely lucky to get good weather. Very little traffic, so constantly utilising the whole road. Definitely the best roads I've ever ridden. Far superior to the last ride in Yorkshire (although the partay atmosphere at home was way better at your place Paul )

One thing I would say is the roads are definitely only suitable for experienced riders or those that know their limits and ride within them, because there is no room for error! A few times I had to accept Christopher (who's a very rapid rider) was riding beyond my ability and let him go. If I'd tried to keep up, I would've died. End of!
Attached Images
File Type: jpg 1-van.jpg (108.6 KB, 0 views)
File Type: jpg 2-House.jpg (47.5 KB, 0 views)
File Type: jpg 3-Falls.jpg (124.2 KB, 0 views)
File Type: jpg 4-Lake.jpg (71.0 KB, 0 views)
File Type: jpg 5-Hong.jpg (58.0 KB, 0 views)
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Last edited by Fallout; 09-10-12 at 09:09 AM.
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Old 09-10-12, 11:36 AM   #2
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Default Re: North North West Guildford Review

Minister for North West Guildford is slightly saddened not to have been invited on this ride but can confirm we prepared the roads and weather in readiness for your visit. Looking forward to the vids!
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Old 09-10-12, 12:22 PM   #3
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Default Re: North North West Guildford Review

I don't do the organising mate. I just turn up and follow someone and try to keep up with them. I also drink alcohol, eat, and smoke fags. That's about it. However, there is already speculation about a NW Guildford meet, so I think perhaps bringing the whole party there and you showing us those roads would be a good plan!
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Old 09-10-12, 12:25 PM   #4
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Default Re: North North West Guildford Review

Quote:
Originally Posted by Runako View Post
Minister for North West Guildford is slightly saddened not to have been invited on this ride but can confirm we prepared the roads and weather in readiness for your visit. Looking forward to the vids!
GMCA
Fallout -1 for not inviting MNWG to NWG ride-out
Runako -2 for not inviting himself along during one of the many posts from el-presidento on the subject
LPH +2 for what sounds like a good sustainable approach to catering both food and "join you later boys"

SPAM
LPH -5 if still promoting rebellion after a presidential visit.
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Old 09-10-12, 03:30 PM   #5
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Default Re: North North West Guildford Review

Edited for you Simon:

Fellow Guildford cabinet members, I have returned from my tour of duty to spread our superior and awe inspiring ways to the new NNW Guildford (Mid/North Wales). Here follows a brief summary of events ...

1. Left at 11am ish Friday to meet Minister of Cakes and Chris "Fugly" on the M40. They're heading up in a van as as obviously allowing a woman to drive on Welsh roads is an excellent idea, especially with no brake lights and she'd already trashed the traction control by the time she got onto the M25. Van was filled with many useful items such as 5 bras, 10 pairs of knickers, Scrabble, a chocolate cake, a dairy free lemon cake and a banana loaf, plus many rashers of bacon and sausages. Unfortunately she forgot to bring any salad so I had to go out and buy some.



2. Arrived at mansion rented house in the evening. Off loaded bikes. Starting drinking cider, then got an SOS call from Hong. Back in van and off to the rescue. Minister for Cakes drove us as it was dark and those roads are quite tricky for a man to negotiate, she is such a good driver and I am hopeless, especially after 3 sips of cider which leaves me very tiddly.

3. First days riding started with the hilarity of bump starting Hong's bike. I'm a bit chubby so it was easier for me to do it. Never have I ridden in such a challenging environment, there were traffic lights and roundabouts and everything, I get so confused. So I decided the best thing to do was to ride as though I was on a child's tricycle and was carrying a ming vase on my head and to not go over 25mph at any point. Minister for Cakes kindly agreed to look after me and I tried not to let on how scared I was. In the end she decided it would be safest if I just pretended to ride a bike instead.



4. Returned home and knocked together a Rogan Josh with the Minister of Cakes, I gallantly chopped the onions so her mascara didn't run. Found out the house was infested with spiders as big as dinner plates so the boys all hid in a toilet while Minister for Cakes disposed of spiders in a humane way and we all nearly pooed our pants in fear. Smoked lots of fags.



5. Day 2 saw Paul the 6th and Rob head home and Clare hang back to keep Fugly entertained by letting him wear her lingerie on his face and play with the Scrabble tiles.




Hong adorned Clare's sequin bikini from AR12, because it was the closest he was ever going to get to her breasts. Christopher, Hong and El Presidino pootled along some roads at a sensible speed while Minister for cakes made a picnic and bought me more salad. Minister for cakes then tore round country roads in the transit trying to break the land speed record while Fugly quietly whimpered in the footwell on the passenger side.



I've never ridden so slow in my life, and now realise that a lowered BMW F650GS is by far the best bike for all riding conditions, especially with a top box full of Gummy Bears.

The best part is that the Minister for Cakes overtook me in the transit on a dual carriageway but I managed not to cry.

6. Returned back to the mansion for a Minister of Cakes made spag bol which required quite a bit of jiggly bosom action and a food processor which Hong enjoyed (but I gave it a miss), alcohol and screen of Momento for Fugly's benefit! I got a lovely foot massage and must now buy myself some Elemis Foot Cream as it has such a nice scent and my feet are so soft now.

7. Got up to the third fried brekkie at which I proved that I'm rubbish at correctly frying an egg and I should just let the Minister For Cakes tell me what to do so I never make any mistakes.


Summary: Minister for Cakes is an awsome driver and maker of spag bol and I plan to promote her immediately.
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Old 09-10-12, 04:00 PM   #6
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Default Re: North North West Guildford Review

GMCA
LPH +3 for most excellent post and JBA. Please note however the size of El Presidento's man-hood (or should that be hamster-hood) is a state secret so make sure you deny any knowledge of the awful truth if questioned. Henceforth Jiggly Bosom Action (JBA) is to be commended, rewarded and encouraged throughout the empire.

I do like the fact that El-presidento is cocking his little finger while demonstrating how to go around a corner on an invisible bike clearly demonstrating his upper-class status. Not sure why the other two are doing the Morcombe and Wise dance though maybe it was the rendition of "Bring me sunshine" that brought the unseasonably dry NNWG weather.

All very sustainable. I expect a sensible ROCA to follow.

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Old 09-10-12, 04:18 PM   #7
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Default Re: North North West Guildford Review

That was my favourite of the two scrabble boards LPH made for me. The second would only embarrass her!
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Old 09-10-12, 05:46 PM   #8
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Default Re: North North West Guildford Review

Sorry to stray into yet another thread outside of my region (very nice writeups btw ) but...


...FALLOUT. With all that stupidity surrounding you in the form of to Chris' and a Pt6...closely followed by a Hong...WHERE ARE THE STARJUMPS? Hmmm?

I look forward to hearing your response.

Yours disappointingly,
Yorkshire Invader.
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Old 09-10-12, 05:51 PM   #9
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Default Re: North North West Guildford Review

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mark_h View Post
Runako -2 for not inviting himself along during one of the many posts from el-presidento on the subject
Which posts were these then, as I remember it, we had to drag the info out of him after hearing/seeing him say and type half hidden hints about this trip, almost as if it was organised with a deliberate attempt to hide it from the GM.

But at least he had a nice time!
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Old 09-10-12, 06:14 PM   #10
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Default Re: North North West Guildford Review

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Originally Posted by missyburd View Post
...FALLOUT. With all that stupidity surrounding you in the form of to Chris' and a Pt6...closely followed by a Hong...WHERE ARE THE STARJUMPS? Hmmm?
Well I got the impression you didn't give a monkey's so I haven't bothered! There's quite a lot of effort involved in star jumping. Jumping for one. Really there needs to be more hype surrounding it. Something along the lines of "OH IF YOU STAR JUMP IT WILL MAKE MY DAY!!"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thunderace View Post
Which posts were these then, as I remember it, we had to drag the info out of him after hearing/seeing him say and type half hidden hints about this trip, almost as if it was organised with a deliberate attempt to hide it from the GM.

But at least he had a nice time!
If I'm not organising something and the accommodation isn't flexible (like a camp site) there aint much I can do about inviting the GM! When LPH got her knickers in a twist and threatened to pull out, I was going to suggest filling the gaps with GMers, but then she took her pills and decided to come again.

Though rest assured, a thunderace on those roads would've been like riding a cruise missile through a maze.
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