The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes - Page 100 - SV650.org

Matt-EUC · 10-05-14, 03:11 PM

Yeah! 'MERICA!!! Hoorah!

Biker Biggles · 12-05-14, 08:26 PM

And the British upset the Nigerians by wishing Jonathon good luck.
And the Central African Republic again scores zero in Pointless.

rapidgaz · 13-05-14, 07:14 AM

For the engineers amongst you.

1. Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

2. To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

3. A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

4. What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

5. The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

6. Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

7. Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting coefficient of friction. Interrupting coefficient of fri.... mmmuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu (μ)

8. Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

9. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

10. A wife asks her husband, a software engineer...
"Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!" A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?" He replied, "They had eggs."

Have engineering friends? Share this with them by clicking below!

Sent down the wires from home

ophic · 13-05-14, 08:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rapidgaz

Have engineering friends? Share this with them by clicking below!

Paste fail?

rapidgaz · 13-05-14, 08:25 AM

Lol

13-05-14, 08:27 AM

Made me lol too!

rapidgaz · 13-05-14, 08:28 AM

IPhone fault lol

daveyrach · 13-05-14, 11:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rapidgaz

IPhone fault lol

That's the fault, that it's an Iphone.

rapidgaz · 13-05-14, 02:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by daveyrach

That's the fault, that it's an Iphone.

Lol.

DarrenSV650S · 16-05-14, 03:23 PM

10-05-14, 03:11 PM	#991
Matt-EUC Member Mega Poster Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Alton, Hampshire Posts: 1,606	The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes Yeah! 'MERICA!!! Hoorah! __________________ Ad eundum quo nemo ante iit - Ad infinitum et ultra White 650 V-Strom -No mods Blue curvy 650 (OMFG I FIXED IT!!!) -200mm Delkevic Stubby.

12-05-14, 08:26 PM	#992
Biker Biggles Member Mega Poster Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Barnet Herts Posts: 5,068	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes And the British upset the Nigerians by wishing Jonathon good luck. And the Central African Republic again scores zero in Pointless. __________________ On a clear day we stand there and look further than the ordinary eye can see.

13-05-14, 07:14 AM	#993
rapidgaz Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: manchester Posts: 402	The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes For the engineers amongst you. 1. Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. 2. To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. 3. A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?" 4. What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets. 5. The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?" 6. Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?" 7. Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting coefficient of friction. Interrupting coefficient of fri.... mmmuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu (μ) 8. Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway." 9. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want." Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool." 10. A wife asks her husband, a software engineer... "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!" A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?" He replied, "They had eggs." Have engineering friends? Share this with them by clicking below! Sent down the wires from home

13-05-14, 08:25 AM	#995
rapidgaz Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: manchester Posts: 402	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes Lol

13-05-14, 08:27 AM	#996
Fruity-ya-ya Guest Posts: n/a	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes Made me lol too!

13-05-14, 08:28 AM	#997
rapidgaz Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: manchester Posts: 402	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes IPhone fault lol

16-05-14, 03:23 PM	#1000
DarrenSV650S Member Mega Poster Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Dundee Posts: 4,404	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes Last edited by DarrenSV650S; 23-05-14 at 01:10 PM.

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
The Comedy Club - Post Your Jokes Here	fizzwheel	Idle Banter	4533	02-12-11 09:28 PM
This will probably go into the comedy club	plowsie	Idle Banter	4	23-09-08 01:16 PM