Biking in Shropshire

A Shropshire farmer has revealed that nearly all the journeys he makes in his tractor serve no other purpose than annoying other road users.

Jack Cullen, a fourth generation farmer in his fifties, said 'People might think it pointless and vengeful, but holding up traffic is the only thing I use the tractor for these days. It's the one bit of the job I really enjoy. I could get the subsidies sent straight to the bank but I like to go in person with the cheque, so I can complain about their charges. I do have a normal car, but why should I waste good diesel in that, when I can use red diesel instead for the leisurely 10-mile drive to town??'

Farmer Cullen admits that most tractors on British roads are actually 'just driving around for a laugh' and that routes are coordinated in advance to combine heavy holiday traffic with single lane carriageways where there?s no overtaking. 'There's no better feeling than flying through the countryside at five or sometimes six miles per hour with a few hundred cars and a few irate pillocks on whining motorbikes backed-up behind me, then I indicate right at least two miles before my turn off,' laughed Jack; 'the ironic thing is that I do it on bank holidays too, the bank isn?t even open then.'

A spokesman for the National Union of Farmers confirmed that boredom and loneliness is a real problem for their members and when this is combined with a hatred and contempt for the public in general and bikers in particular it can be 'a bit of an issue.' However they were keen to point out that there is far more to farming than just driving tractors very slowly on busy highways. On tiny single track roads far longer delays can be achieved by pointlessly walking cows up and down the lane; 'I always give the motorist a friendly wave as the last cow finally goes through the gate' said Farmer Cullen, 'but I'm only smiling cos their expensive car is now covered in cow****. And if there's one of those bloody awful motorbikes behind the cows, well they can't go no further.'

Funny this comes up, I was only told today that one of the farmers around the Helmsley TT does the same thing, spreading muck everywhere to annoy us.

[Lissa]

Originally Posted by Ed

[LEFT] 'I always give the motorist a friendly wave as the last cow finally goes through the gate' said Farmer Cullen, 'but I'm only smiling cos their expensive car is now covered in cow****. And if there's one of those bloody awful motorbikes behind the cows, well they can't go no further.'

Half a dozen SV's all revving at once would wipe the smile of his face as he's trampled by a stampede of terrified cows

The road between Marlow/Henley is covered in cow **** at the moment.

I have taken to giving the finger to anyone who looks remotely 'agricultural'.