Saturday night journey

I was taking the kids home on Saturday night (don't ask ... even longer story ... short story is my ex is a b*tch - hope she reads this! LMAO) ... anyway, was taking kids home Saturday night. Nothing particularly unusual but tonights journey (from Liverpool to Sheffield and back again) was worthy of note for at least one reason. I'll get to that later ... first though, the other reasons ...

Mostly, those other reasons are absolute f*ckwits on the road.

Now, on a Saturday night, I was kinda hoping that (as usual) the roads would be fairly quiet and certainly not filled with the sort of motorists I actually met. How wrong I was

Left Liverpool at just gone 7pm.

Firstly ... middle/outside lane drivers who do NOT check their mirrors (or even the road immediately around them). You need your f*cking eyes tested AND your licences removing! You are a hazard to everyone else on the roads. Although I'm partly thinking here that perhaps you should be allowed to keep your licences so that you'll "correct the gene pool" by removing yourselves from it under the wheels of a 40 ton truck! (Well I live in hope!)

Secondly, congratulations to the absolute PR*CK in the Audi A4 or A6 (3.0ltr jobby), who decided to swerve across THREE LANES OF TRAFFIC from lane 2 of the M602 to lane 1 of the M602 -> M60 link road WITHOUT INDICATING. Then a nice round of applause for pulling into lane 2 AGAIN WITHOUT INDICATION ... just I was starting to pass you, causing me to brake sharply and sh*tting the life outta my kids, YOU F*CKING AR$EHOLE.

I eventually calmed down enough to start enjoying the drive over Snake Pass, when a squirrel ran out into my path ... I was fully expecting to hear the "crunch/squelch" of squirrel under my wheels, but managed to see him in the lights of the car behind, just make it to the other side of the road - it was his lucky day

Then I dropped the kids off in Sheffield - it was about 8:30pm by now.

Started journey back home to Liverpool, with a taxi driver in front of me who has one of those black cabs that don't have indicators on. Thankfully, I was expecting the unexpected from him (knowing what SOME taxi drivers can be like), and sure enough he didn't disappoint ... deciding to take a turn at the last second without indication.

Next ... yes there's more ... I was driving over back over Snake Pass, and it being a road I know very well, I do tend to push it a little (about 60mph). So I came up behind J77 NOB (and what an appropriate reg that turned out to be). He was doing about 40 - 45mph. Snake Pass is a 50mph all the way over it now. There's a long straight right alongside the thin part of the Ladybower reservoir, and if there's nothing coming, it's a good/safe overtaking spot. As I started to rise to the crest of the hill (beyond which is the straight), I could see headlights rising, so I knew there was a car coming. There was actually 2 cars, but there was still EASILY enough road to get past this guy. I did so, and pulled back in JUST as another series of cars came round the corner. I was fully expecting to be seeing the headlights behind me starting to fade into the distance, as at the point we started to hit the series of bends after this straight, I was now doing about 70mph. The headlights DID start to get further away, but by the 2nd bend, they were gaining ... by the next straight, this KN0B was about 4 feet from my bumper!! So I slowed right down ... to about 30mph ... he didn't overtake though, so I sped up again but stuck to the speed limits (if anything was gonna go wrong, I didn't wanna be putting myself at risk of prosecution). Everytime he got too close I'd drop my speed and hope that he would overtake. Eventually, just around the corner from Hagg Farm there's a nice long straight (about half a mile). He decided to go past me at this point ... I'd like to say to mr J77 NOB you're registration fits you perfectly m8 ... you are without doubt one of the STUPIDEST and most DANGEROUS NOB's on the road! Why? Just because someone overtakes you, doesn't mean YOU HAVE TO drive like you wanna butt-f*ck them! Besides which, if you'd paid attention to your mirrors in the FIRST PLACE, then you wouldn't have been overtaken by me, as you'd have seen me gaining on you, and you'd have put your foot down THEN ... NOT AFTER I'D ALREADY GONE PAST YOU WHILST YOU WERE HALF ASLEEP!!

Fair play to you though - you took some of those bends quite spectacularly ... which ironically is probably the way you'll die

Things don't get any better either ...

As I was approaching the end of the M67, I had cause to pass a Mitsubishi Evo VIII who was happily trundling along at 70mph in the MIDDLE LANE. Guess this young lad and his girlfriend didn't like being passed my Mr Mondeo, because he decides to floor it. By the time he passed me I was back in the inside lane, and he slowed slightly as he passed me, and I hate myself for doing this, but I looked to my right just in time to see his girlfriend wave sarcastically at me, as he then floored it again and blasted past me. I wasn't racing him, as I know a 2.0ltr Mondeo doesn't stand a chance against an Evo 8 ... however it was only after the occasion that I thought of what I should have done ... blown his girlfriend a kiss PMSL!

By this time I was starting to get REALLY cheesed off with the numpties on the road tonight.

But then ... just to round of my evening and make me forget it all ... I hit the M62, and was racing down the outside lane at speeds I'd rather not say but then I noticed some headlights getting closer ... and quick ...
now in front of mey was a Ford Fiesta ... another bloody idiot ... driving down the outside lane of the M62 (Liverpool-bound) doing about 80mph and NOTHING ... ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in either of the lanes to his left. My first thought about the headlights behind was "uh-oh, police" ... so I slowed down and pulled in to middle lane. We started to go past a few cars/vans/lorries that were on the inside lane when this car (now obviously not police) pulled alongside me ... and WOW ... it was a Lambo ... don't ask me which one - couldn't quite make that out as this lambo was dark purple in colour, and it was dark along that stretch of motorway. The lambo ended up right up the ar$e-end of the Fiesta, that was still "trundling" along the outside lane of the M62, oblivious to everything around him. Eventually he pulled over and THAT is when I heard the ROAR of the lambo, and OMG, I nearly wet meself with excitement I wanted to hear it again, so I pulled out from behind the Fiesta, and put my foot down ... and then the Fiesta driver (more like Fiasco driver), pulls out into the outside lane ... NO INDICATION ... and whats more ... NO F*CKING REASON TO ... he wasn't overtaking ANYTHING!!!
I gave him the benefits of my FULL BEAM and MY HORN. He immediately pulled back into the middle lane and raised his hand in an apologetic fashion as I passed him. I stuck 2 fingers up to him in return. Had he pulled out to overtake something, I'd have accepted his apology and let him go ... but he had absolutely no reason to pull out into the outside lane other than he just wanted to sit in the outside lane all the way home!

Anyway, I caught up with the lambo ... although the only reason I did so was because he got caught up in some traffic. Then he pulled into the middle lane ... quite clearly on his mobile phone ... because I slowed to *cough*onehundredandten*cough* as I went past to take a nice look at the car. Then I left him dawdling along at 80mph in the middle lane as I headed for home ... then I saw his headlights again ... outside lane ... approaching faster than a cruise missile ... I immediately pulled into the middle lane as soon as I could, and I wound my window down LMAO ... and I watched and listened in AWE as he went past me doing AT LEAST 160mph!!

The sound out of that engine (V12 is it?!) was absolutely pants/knicker-wetting. God knows what it must be like to drive one! I WANT ONE!!! LOL

Things is ... that was SUCH a good end to the trip, that it kinda made me forget the kn0bs I'd met along the way