The man who has everything...

Just wondering if anyone has any suggestions for an apt seasonal gift for our very own National Institue....El Boc?(Not saying he is going to get the gift but it's the thought isn't it?) Dont worry he wont read this as he still thinks the site is dead! Any suggestions most gratefully received.

[Richie]

a) I'd give him new brakes for his bike, as his old ones must be seized on...

b) a nice bottle of Red wine and a fine steak.

c) 2 full tank of petrol, then he would be about 300 miles away !!



anyway I thought you Peter were the man who has everything...!!!

Well, of course Vee-Twin (Ooooops! Sorry - that's who you are when you immediately desert to the yank site and violently verbally assault some poor dude with a sense-of-humour by-pass.....), my immediate response is that penicillin is always useful for the man with everything....

But if Santa was to fill my stockings....it would be with a picture of RichieNumbers with his Sergeant's stripes, a free trip to Toni and Guy to have my hair styled like Vee-Twin's, a garden like Mpaton's, and a clean licence like GYKD's.....

Failing that, a beard like Nemo's, a laugh like BBC's, a clean bike like Cloggsy's, an exposure like Amarko's and the ability to "pull" like Stumpy!!! ( )

Happy Primrose Day to One and All!!!

Just for El Boc a weekend down south

Friday night is bike night in London, starting at the Ace Cafe, then onto Soho, a ride up to Chelsea Bridge to see the stuners, then back to Soho for a cafe latte with the boys.

Saturday would start with a trip around some of our very expensive deaers (they rob us blind down here you know). Lunch in Southend with traditional local cuisine (whelks & cockles with jellied eels). Afternoon a ride through the City of London, so he can get all those photo's he's always wanted. Saturday evening a night visiting the local wine and cocktail bars (no pints down here mate)

Sunday and a trip around the M25, and down to Boxhill to see how the Southerners do it, which will then sets us up for his high point, a run down to Brighton with fish & chips for lunch. He can then make his way back up North via the remaining bits of the M25.

After all that he'll be an honourary southerner

I think that will sort him good and proper...

.

Originally Posted by Jelster

Just for El Boc a weekend down south....

* Blah blah....yawp yawp....'ere Mate, leave it 'arrt....wassup bruv....not to mention the Savvs and Pease Pudding or Pie and Liquor dahn the Bermondsey Road mate...*

....After all that he'll be an honourary southerner

I think that will sort him good and proper...

.

Boxhill? BOXHILL? A mere pimple! Tha wants to ride oop Pen-y-Ghent in February tha' knows wearing nowt but a singlet an' a stuffed sheep's @rse on yer 'ead to keep thine ears warm. An' after, a reet good plate of Stanforth's Pork Pie (made from everything but t' squeak) and Mushy Peas with nobbut a smidgeon of onions or red cabbage in vinegar; per'aps some decent Bury Black Pudding..... some Stew an' Hard from Salterforth...or a dish of Scouse in Huyton. And proper beer. Or TEA you can dissolve a spoon in - not that milky Latte slop.

Nay, young Jelster young fellow me lad, get thyself oop 'ere and we'll turn thee into a Northerner with hair on your chest like young Henry!

Well it appears our noble El Boc is becoming quite daring in his admissions,sharing with us now his penchant for denier 4 stockings which no doubt go well with his broad selection of French basque's complete with whale bone inserts.
But like a starry eyed child his christmas wishes are bound to go unfulfilled.
Jelster if you knew what laxative affect your chosen delicacies would have on poor El Boc,I am sure that the menu would be revised to contain items of a more bland nature. You see unlike yourself, where being incontinent refers to your Phillius Fogg type jaunts around europe, for El Boc the word is normally associated with the soiling of under garments at irregular and unpredictable times.
This has led our debonair aristrocrat to become the founder and life president of the Society for Knowledge In Dirty Draws and often gives of his free time to give talks on this delicate subject as long as the venue is within a couple of short steps to the conveniences.
In fact he is soon to be launching a modern version of the "plus fours" which sees an ingenious garter type fastening around top of calf position which serves as an access point for blockage and leakage removal. The product has received rave reports among the purple rinse and "bring and buy" ranks and advance orders are very encouraging.
El Boc ever positive has decided to swap his top box on his bike and replace it with a chemical loo of similar dimensions, his ridingtrousers will be fitted with a clever one way valve operated tube in order that any unsuspected "movemeents are evacuated safely to his new chemical tank.The design will incorporate a one off designed high level Remarse end can which to all intents and purposes will look like an exhaust but in reality it will be an overflow pipe for the chemical tank when capacity has been reached.
One can only hope though that no-one ever goes to El Boc's new top box and blindly plunges there hand inside in search of a ring spanner!

Pete, you could waffle for England mate....

El Boc, When the weather is better and I can get a local "posse" together I'll take you up on your offer. I have been meaning to get my backside up to the frozen North during the summer, so I guess it had better be soon.

And I'll be looking forward to some local food too.....

So, I'll get the "Middlesex Massive" organised for a trip next year, just need you to suggest a date, innit....

.

Just give me a bit of notice to run some lessons for Tim, Nemo and the boys in speaking Suvvern.....oh, and our summer starts when the weather gets a bit warmer (that's between 31 July and 3 August. It's autumn after that!!)

[timwilky]

Originally Posted by El Boccadillo

Just give me a bit of notice to run some lessons for Tim, Nemo and the boys in speaking Suvvern.....oh, and our summer starts when the weather gets a bit warmer (that's between 31 July and 3 August. It's autumn after that!!)

Paul

I have to inform you that in 1983 I worked for a year down south. During that time I did not idle my time away like the natives, but used the opportunity to learn their language and something of their diet.

Brighton will be forever in my memory as the only place where I have tasted a mouthful of the local ale. Spat it out and walked out of the public house leaving a full pint on the bar. Paid for as well, damn. I am now a wiser man and on seeing strange ales I ask for a taster before parting with my hard earned brass on a full glass.

Food. What no gravy for my chips and where are the babies heads?.

London. Leaned to navigate my way round with an a-z on my lap and cursing Hanger Lane and that stupid roundabout. Don't give them an inch because the cheeky b'stards take a mile.

Worst of all it is the locals. Place we had our London office in Chiswick seemed to be a dumping ground for all the undesirable employees of our principle customer. Emily Howard and Daffyd had nothing on these persons of dubious gender and larcenagenic tendencies.

Why is it always raining when I go to our Manchester office ?

When can I go North of Derbyshire and not be called "pet" or "duck" ?

Why do you drink your beer warm ?

Is wearing a flat cap compulsary ?

Is it true you have gravy on baked beans ?

I did hear that you only ever had a barf on Sundays, but I don't believe that one

I need to know these things so that when I come up to see you I can adjust to my surroundings