If I was Prime Minister...

[Littlepeahead]

Yes we'd all sort out the NHS, immigration, education, employment, the housing crisis and economy. But once you'd done all that what else would you do to make life better for everyone?

Here is my manifesto:

All concert venues would be height graded so tall people have to stand at the back gradually going down in size until the little people get to stand at the front and everyone gets a good view. Also taking videos at concerts, firework displays and other events would be made illegal so people have to live in the moment, not view it through a rubbish screen.

Ugg boots and Crocs would be banned. No one looks good in these. As a nation we could be far more stylish. There would be a higher rate of tax on saggy tracksuit bottoms to discourage people from wearing them.

Anyone caught letting their dog poo on the pavement and not clearing it up would be imprisoned in a phone box that smells of wee for at least a week.

Footballers would be paid a maximum of £25 for each minute they are on the pitch each week with deductions for any time spent rolling around pretending to be in agony when not actually injured. They could have a small bonus if they score a goal, such as a Curly Wurly.

Over to you...

[andrewsmith]

Police trained by army PT's

[pookie]

if you use government services you pay for them .. road will all be smooth and pot hole free.
Free vitamins to everyone should cut the nhs bill
Make parliament virtual and save a bundle.

[Bibio]

tell lies lies and more lies, waste all the money on making the unemployment figures look lower, let all the prisoners out of jail early, terrorise other country's that have oil and call it helping them.

[timwilky]

I would stop subsiding poor employers by raising minimum wage to £10/hour. Raise tax threshold to £20,000 and scrap tax credits. So if you work, even at the minimum rate, you are still better off than sitting on your backside claiming benefits.

Oh and if you are thinking of sitting on your backside, forget that 40hr of community service/week gets you your benefit. Hmmm work might be better after all.

Then help those unfit to work. those too fat/idle will get free compulsory motivation with exercise and movement.

Drug/alcohol dependance will not be an excuse. you too will be subject to the above motivation.

Now girls, your entitlement to benefit and a house by turning out a sprog is gone. Back to the mother/baby units for you. plus compulsory contraception so no repeat of that crime. new mums work in the unit looking after the sprogs whilst the mums of over 6 months go out to work in return for their room, safe in the knowledge there is child care in place.

Borstals are back. The criminal justice system will punish then rehabilitate. Experience tells me, those who went through the 60s system did not want to go back. So lets save the tax payer a fortune and sack the social workers who lack any real world experience.

Now those, too ill/infirm. Pensioners, etc. Your life will be a lot easier, plenty of people on community service to help you.

[shiftin_gear98]

it'd bring back firing squads, make a big list and get cracking...

[TamSV]

Originally Posted by timwilky

Now those, too ill/infirm. Pensioners, etc. Your life will be a lot easier, plenty of people on community service to help you.

Don't worry Mrs Pensioner. We've had to send your pregnant granddaughter to the workhouse but we're sending a drug addict round to help you out.

[Sir Trev]

I would ban people from owning off-the-road 4x4 vehicles unless they had a documented requirement to drive off road. I would also classify them, pretend 4x4s and all pickup trucks, as utility vehicles, restricting them to 50mph, ultra low ratio gears, and 50hp to stop show offs and knucle-draggers using their size to push regular road users around. They will all have to be bright pink too so tatooed thugs in sleeveless hoodies, Timberland boots and cargo shorts who pull out in front of you from the Screwfix carpark will be too embarrassed to turn round and confront you in said carpark for not letting them go first (can you guess what happened to me this afternoon?).

[maviczap]

I would re introduce a refund on any plastic soft drinks bottle, say 5p per bottle

In that way folk would hold onto their bottle, instead of chucking it in the road.

10p per Mountain Dew bottle

[Balky001]

I'd like to build the world a home
And furnish it with love
Grow apple trees and honey bees
And snow white turtle doves

I'd like to teach the world to sing
In perfect harmony
I'd like to hold it in my arms
And keep it company

I'd like to see the world for once
All standing hand in hand
And hear them echo through the hills
For peace throughout the land

Alternatively, bring a maximum income cap (any excess goes to community projects, R&D, investment in infrastructure), help stop people thinking money is the root to happiness and success, educate on tolerance and base pride on the good things we do for others and not what we have/own. Anyone who is not very nice goes to behavioural school. Peace and love.