Bullying Advice/Opinions please - SV650.org

30-01-07, 09:33 AM

Morning folks

I haven't seen a thread on this subject on the org since I joined, and you guys offer a lot of good thoughts to most threads, so any comments on the below are welcome

As some of you know, my edlest son, 7 year old, has dyspraxia. We've only known about this for a few months now, and we've known the details of dyspraxia for even less time. For any Psychology students etc on the forum, it's more commonly referred to as "DAMP" (Difficulties with Attention, Motor skills & Perception). It basically makes pretty much all areas of life quite hard. Socially, he doesn't fit in with his peer group. Mentally, at times, he acts like he's 2 years old. Physically, he's quite far behind the development of other children. However, one thing that is absolutely stunning, is his memory. He's the only child I'm aware of that can remember almost everything that happened to him in exact detail from up to 5 years ago. Anyway, you get the picture.

Because of his condition, he's always been bullied at school. That's not a big problem, I was bullied at school, as was the Mrs, it's something that we've been dealing with. However, it's come to my attention yesterday, that he's being bullied by his teacher.

A little over a year ago, we moved into a new area, after buying the house, and as we did, the kids had to start a new school. It's a small community school with something like 40 pupils total. Probably less.

After talking to my son, it appears that he's being called names, anything from simple stuff like "stupid" & upwards, and most of the time, is being kept in at playtime so that he finishes his work. We've warned him that at times, he'll have to remind people like his teachers about his condition, which he has done, only to be told he's lying about it. I'm putting the lack of work down to attention problems, and generally not being happy at school. As I've said to the Mrs, it would make later life hard for him, but I'd prefer him not to learn ANYTHING, and actually be happy, rather than him have to go through this sort of thing.

His condition is serious enough that every so often, a psychologist visits the school, and the school have applied to the LEA for help. However, I have a strong feeling that they're just using his condition as an excuse to squeeze more from the LEA. Under normal circumstances, I'd be helping them do just that!

I've talked to other children in his class, and when questioned, they have agreed with what he's said about how he's being treated. The reason for me doing this, was mainly because he's recently been going through a phase of lying, which I interpret as him attempting to fit in & do the right thing. That phase still needs dealing with, but obviously doesn't apply to this situation.

The complicated thing is that because the school is so small, there's only 3 teachers as it is. Should this teacher get what is obviously deserving (relief from his pay packet to say the least!) then this would cause serious problems for the school, and that would have a knock on effect for the whole community.

Moving schools is sort of an option. Life would be harder, and fuel costs would rise as the nearest school is a fair distance away, but it'd be do-able, and is something we're looking into.

I'll be talking to someone in the LEA later today as well to inform them about the problem, and to raise an official complaint with them. I'm not going to the headteacher of the school, because that's proven less than fruitful in the past. Also, the board of directors are all local people, and they'd be more likely to hide the issue to save the school rather than get rid of the absolutely terrible excuse for a teacher.

My main concern about all of this is his memory. Even after we deal with all of this, he's going to remember it all in great detail for a long time to come.
So folks, discuss

fizzwheel · 30-01-07, 09:58 AM

When you say being bullied by his teacher what exactly is going on. I got bullied all the way through school right up till I was 15 when I got into a fight and knocked out one of the bullies that was picking on me. It still effects me now. I'm 33. I got treated differently by one teacher because she didnt like my cousin who was a couple of years ahead of me so when I was in her class to years later she knew we were related and I got treated differently than the other kids. I used to me naughty ( I was a kid we all do it ) I certainly wasnt an angel but no way did I deserve to be kept back after school or stopped from having play time for the small misdemenors I got up when other kids were worse than I was and got away with it. I had to spend two years being taught by that woman who I hated and who hated me. My parents to this day wish they had made more of a fuss and got someting done about it. I basically learned naff all during my time in her class its one of the reasons I struggled with certain subjects later on in life.

If it were me I'd be getting it sorted being bullied by your peers is one thing, but bullied by a teacher is f*cking out of order. B*ll*cks to the school and the community this is your son, time to be selfish and put him first IMHO.

SoulKiss · 30-01-07, 09:59 AM

Bunch of bikers in leather with dark visors, illegally loud cans and dark visors can, I'm sure, be arranged if needed I am sure - and at short notice

David

Joking of course.

Seriously, I think you are doing it right, you know the local situation better so I think only you can know how to proceed, but if you want to know if what you are doing is appropriate then I think it is

30-01-07, 10:11 AM

It's true that the school will get more money for him. You need to make sure that this money is being spent on him - and not simply going into a general pot.

On the bullying issue, this is inexcusable. Children should be able to trust their teacher implicitly. I vividly remember being bullied by the teacher at junior school, while I don't want to hijack your thread I'm going to name and shame, it was a De La Salle Catholic brothers school, St Josephs Academy in Blackheath, south London. I remember it all - and as your son has such a good recall, he will remember how he is being treated.

Is this a Welsh speaking school by any chance, and your son is seen as a foreigner?

I agree with Fizz 100%. Sod the niceties of the cosy governing body, go to the LEA and complain.

30-01-07, 10:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fizzwheel

B*ll*cks to the school and the community this is your son, time to be selfish and put him first IMHO.

Doubt anybody is going to hit the nail more firmly on the head!

I think you have to start with the Head but make him fully aware that he has a very, very short space of time to sort this out before you move up the chain. A good healthy fear of litigation/losing his own job should get him moving and if it doesn't you just keep making more and more noise in higher and higher places.

Then, having sorted out these ****s, move the hell out of the Village of the Damned and leave them all to it. They sound like the sort of web-footed inbreds that give rural living a bad name.

30-01-07, 10:17 AM

My math teacher in grade 3 out in Canada (about 3rd year primary school here) constantly bullied me because I had problems learning math. She'd take the p*ss out of me in front of the class rather than work with me to solve the problem.

Eventually I bunked a lesson because I hadn't done the homework and didn't want to face her.

It never really rang any bells at the time but now I know she was a very bad teacher who lacked any sort of sensitivity or understanding and I SHOULD have told my parents about her at the time.

Your son's teacher is SUPPOSED TO BE A TEACHER. One who teaches, not someone who's there to bully kids.

Take it up with the school, they should never get away with it. Besides, maybe you reinforcing your son's issues will open their eyes and shed a little understanding on the subject and stop the problem. If you have written, medical proof of your son's condition to shove in their face it might help.

Education is a right, not a privilege in my opinion.

SoulKiss · 30-01-07, 10:19 AM

Moving out of the Village !!!!

Wouldn't that leave Hovi5 all alone as the only "Banana-rider in the village"

30-01-07, 10:29 AM

Baph - Ive had a life time of this with my daughter. She is profoundly deaf and has a severe balance impairment - hidden disabilities and IMO was often treated unfairly by the school and by her peers. It affects her to this day

Is your son statemented by the LEA? if not you need to look into this - can be a battle to get but once done can go some way to protecting your childs interest within education. You might get some useful info here http://www.childrenslegalcentre.com/...p?NodeID=91051

hth

Luckypants · 30-01-07, 10:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ping

If you have written, medical proof of your son's condition to shove in their face it might help.

Absolutely, but if the problem is an individual teacher, then it needs to be resolved by intervention. Teachers are human and (rightly or wrongly) take against certain individuals and no amount of paperwork makes them change. Proper intervention by the parents is the only way to make them change. They might not like your child but they must act professionally towards them, both in the class room and in the staff room.

30-01-07, 10:37 AM

Trying to see this from the teachers point of view …

Small school, tight knit classes, if your son is disrupting the class (which just reading through some of the symptoms is what he will be doing right?!!), its not going to be long before even a saint looses their patience. If you have a class of what 10 pupils? and one of them is refusing to sit quietly and learn - then it is not only irritating and distracting, but actually preventing the rest of the students from learning too. Also they must have seen this sort of thing a thousand times before where you just .. well you know, get a kid trying it on!!

So that is how I see it as a teacher. However if this ‘condition’ is as ‘out in the open’ as you say it is (the psychologist visits) then they should be more lenient and realise he isn’t just a pest. They may be a good teacher, just had no experience of dealing with kids with your sons condition. I think I would ask the school to perhaps educate the teacher in dealing with this sort of child?

30-01-07, 09:33 AM	#1
Baph Guest Posts: n/a	Bullying Advice/Opinions please Morning folks I haven't seen a thread on this subject on the org since I joined, and you guys offer a lot of good thoughts to most threads, so any comments on the below are welcome As some of you know, my edlest son, 7 year old, has dyspraxia. We've only known about this for a few months now, and we've known the details of dyspraxia for even less time. For any Psychology students etc on the forum, it's more commonly referred to as "DAMP" (Difficulties with Attention, Motor skills & Perception). It basically makes pretty much all areas of life quite hard. Socially, he doesn't fit in with his peer group. Mentally, at times, he acts like he's 2 years old. Physically, he's quite far behind the development of other children. However, one thing that is absolutely stunning, is his memory. He's the only child I'm aware of that can remember almost everything that happened to him in exact detail from up to 5 years ago. Anyway, you get the picture. Because of his condition, he's always been bullied at school. That's not a big problem, I was bullied at school, as was the Mrs, it's something that we've been dealing with. However, it's come to my attention yesterday, that he's being bullied by his teacher. A little over a year ago, we moved into a new area, after buying the house, and as we did, the kids had to start a new school. It's a small community school with something like 40 pupils total. Probably less. After talking to my son, it appears that he's being called names, anything from simple stuff like "stupid" & upwards, and most of the time, is being kept in at playtime so that he finishes his work. We've warned him that at times, he'll have to remind people like his teachers about his condition, which he has done, only to be told he's lying about it. I'm putting the lack of work down to attention problems, and generally not being happy at school. As I've said to the Mrs, it would make later life hard for him, but I'd prefer him not to learn ANYTHING, and actually be happy, rather than him have to go through this sort of thing. His condition is serious enough that every so often, a psychologist visits the school, and the school have applied to the LEA for help. However, I have a strong feeling that they're just using his condition as an excuse to squeeze more from the LEA. Under normal circumstances, I'd be helping them do just that! I've talked to other children in his class, and when questioned, they have agreed with what he's said about how he's being treated. The reason for me doing this, was mainly because he's recently been going through a phase of lying, which I interpret as him attempting to fit in & do the right thing. That phase still needs dealing with, but obviously doesn't apply to this situation. The complicated thing is that because the school is so small, there's only 3 teachers as it is. Should this teacher get what is obviously deserving (relief from his pay packet to say the least!) then this would cause serious problems for the school, and that would have a knock on effect for the whole community. Moving schools is sort of an option. Life would be harder, and fuel costs would rise as the nearest school is a fair distance away, but it'd be do-able, and is something we're looking into. I'll be talking to someone in the LEA later today as well to inform them about the problem, and to raise an official complaint with them. I'm not going to the headteacher of the school, because that's proven less than fruitful in the past. Also, the board of directors are all local people, and they'd be more likely to hide the issue to save the school rather than get rid of the absolutely terrible excuse for a teacher. My main concern about all of this is his memory. Even after we deal with all of this, he's going to remember it all in great detail for a long time to come. So folks, discuss

30-01-07, 09:58 AM	#2
fizzwheel Super Moderator Mega Poster Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Somerset Posts: 3,614	When you say being bullied by his teacher what exactly is going on. I got bullied all the way through school right up till I was 15 when I got into a fight and knocked out one of the bullies that was picking on me. It still effects me now. I'm 33. I got treated differently by one teacher because she didnt like my cousin who was a couple of years ahead of me so when I was in her class to years later she knew we were related and I got treated differently than the other kids. I used to me naughty ( I was a kid we all do it ) I certainly wasnt an angel but no way did I deserve to be kept back after school or stopped from having play time for the small misdemenors I got up when other kids were worse than I was and got away with it. I had to spend two years being taught by that woman who I hated and who hated me. My parents to this day wish they had made more of a fuss and got someting done about it. I basically learned naff all during my time in her class its one of the reasons I struggled with certain subjects later on in life. If it were me I'd be getting it sorted being bullied by your peers is one thing, but bullied by a teacher is fcking out of order. Bll*cks to the school and the community this is your son, time to be selfish and put him first IMHO. __________________ Look Dave, I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over. K5 GSXR 750 Anniversary Edition

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30-01-07, 09:59 AM	#3
SoulKiss Member Mega Poster Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Sunny Croydonia Posts: 6,124	Bunch of bikers in leather with dark visors, illegally loud cans and dark visors can, I'm sure, be arranged if needed I am sure - and at short notice David Joking of course. Seriously, I think you are doing it right, you know the local situation better so I think only you can know how to proceed, but if you want to know if what you are doing is appropriate then I think it is

30-01-07, 10:11 AM	#4
Ed Guest Posts: n/a	It's true that the school will get more money for him. You need to make sure that this money is being spent on him - and not simply going into a general pot. On the bullying issue, this is inexcusable. Children should be able to trust their teacher implicitly. I vividly remember being bullied by the teacher at junior school, while I don't want to hijack your thread I'm going to name and shame, it was a De La Salle Catholic brothers school, St Josephs Academy in Blackheath, south London. I remember it all - and as your son has such a good recall, he will remember how he is being treated. Is this a Welsh speaking school by any chance, and your son is seen as a foreigner? I agree with Fizz 100%. Sod the niceties of the cosy governing body, go to the LEA and complain.

30-01-07, 10:17 AM	#6
Ping Guest Posts: n/a	My math teacher in grade 3 out in Canada (about 3rd year primary school here) constantly bullied me because I had problems learning math. She'd take the p*ss out of me in front of the class rather than work with me to solve the problem. Eventually I bunked a lesson because I hadn't done the homework and didn't want to face her. It never really rang any bells at the time but now I know she was a very bad teacher who lacked any sort of sensitivity or understanding and I SHOULD have told my parents about her at the time. Your son's teacher is SUPPOSED TO BE A TEACHER. One who teaches, not someone who's there to bully kids. Take it up with the school, they should never get away with it. Besides, maybe you reinforcing your son's issues will open their eyes and shed a little understanding on the subject and stop the problem. If you have written, medical proof of your son's condition to shove in their face it might help. Education is a right, not a privilege in my opinion.

30-01-07, 10:19 AM	#7
SoulKiss Member Mega Poster Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Sunny Croydonia Posts: 6,124	Moving out of the Village !!!! Wouldn't that leave Hovi5 all alone as the only "Banana-rider in the village"

30-01-07, 10:29 AM	#8
ArtyLady Guest Posts: n/a	Baph - Ive had a life time of this with my daughter. She is profoundly deaf and has a severe balance impairment - hidden disabilities and IMO was often treated unfairly by the school and by her peers. It affects her to this day Is your son statemented by the LEA? if not you need to look into this - can be a battle to get but once done can go some way to protecting your childs interest within education. You might get some useful info here http://www.childrenslegalcentre.com/...p?NodeID=91051 hth

30-01-07, 10:37 AM	#10
Blue_SV650S Guest Posts: n/a	Trying to see this from the teachers point of view … Small school, tight knit classes, if your son is disrupting the class (which just reading through some of the symptoms is what he will be doing right?!!), its not going to be long before even a saint looses their patience. If you have a class of what 10 pupils? and one of them is refusing to sit quietly and learn - then it is not only irritating and distracting, but actually preventing the rest of the students from learning too. Also they must have seen this sort of thing a thousand times before where you just .. well you know, get a kid trying it on!! So that is how I see it as a teacher. However if this ‘condition’ is as ‘out in the open’ as you say it is (the psychologist visits) then they should be more lenient and realise he isn’t just a pest. They may be a good teacher, just had no experience of dealing with kids with your sons condition. I think I would ask the school to perhaps educate the teacher in dealing with this sort of child?