long but worth a read

This is a bit long but i had the time too read through it and would say it`s worth the effort....

REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all
summer long, building and
improving his house and laying up supplies for the
winter. The grasshopper
thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays
the summer away. Come
winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so
he dies from the cold.

THE END

--------------------------------------------

THE BRITISH VERSION:

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all
summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and
dances and plays the
summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and
well fed.

A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls
a press conference
and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed
to be warm and well
fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper,
are cold and
starving. The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of
the shivering
grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in
his comfortable warm
home with a table laden with food.

The British press informs people that they should be
ashamed that in a
country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is
allowed to suffer so while
others have plenty. The Labour Party, Greenpeace,
Animal Rights and The
Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the
squirrel's' house.

The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from
Notting Hill with
breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir
singing "We Shall
Overcome". Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with
Trevor McDonald that
the squirrel has got rich off the backs of
grasshoppers, and calls for an
immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his
"fair share" and
increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner
London .

In response to pressure from the media, the Government
drafts the economic
Equity and Grasshopper Anti - Discrimination Act,
retroactive to the
beginning of the summer.

The squirrel's taxes are reassessed.

He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire
grasshoppers as builders
for the work he was doing on his home, plus an
additional fine for contempt
when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to
work.

The grasshopper is provided with a council house,
financial aid to furnish
it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he
can be socially
mobile.

The squirrel's food is seized and re distributed to
the more needy members
of society, in this case the grasshopper.

Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine
and his newly
Imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to
downsize and start building a new home. The local
authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a
temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had
hijacked a plane to get to
Britain as they had to share their country of origin
with mice. On arrival
they have tried to blow up the airport because of
Britain 's apparent love
of dogs.

The cats had been arrested for the international
offence of hijacking and
attempt bombing but were immediately released because
the police fed them
pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial
moves to then return
them to their own country were abandoned because it
was feared they would
face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a
scam to obtain money
from peoples credit cards.

A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up
the last of the
squirrels' food, though Spring is still months away,
while the council
house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't
bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be
taking drugs.

Inadequate government funding is blamed for the
grasshopper's drug
'illness'.

The cats seek recompense in the British courts for
their treatment since
arrival in UK .
The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog
during a burglary to
get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but
released immediately
because he has been in custody for a few weeks.

He is placed in the care of the probation service to
monitor and supervise
him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in
a botched robbery.

A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost
£10,000,000 and state
The obvious, is set up.

Additional money is put into funding a drug
rehabilitation scheme for
grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing
asylum seekers is
increased.

The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government
for enriching
Britain 's multicultural diversity and dogs are
criticised by the Government
for failing to befriend the cats.

The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual
sections of the press
blame it on the obvious failure of government to
address the root causes of
despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic
experience of
prison.

They call for the resignation of a minister.

The cats are paid a million pounds each because their
rights were infringed
when the government failed to inform them there were
mice in the United
Kingdom.

The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the
hijacking, the bombing, the
burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional
percentage on their
credit cards to cover losses; their taxes are
increased to pay for law and
order and they are told that they will have to work
beyond 65 because of a
shortfall in government funds.


--------------------

[northwind]

It's very good. Utter nonsense, but well crafted

Superb

Originally Posted by northwind

It's very good. Utter nonsense, but well crafted

Almost......but not quite....utter nonsense

I saw this a week or so ago, very good indeed. Thanks for the reminder.

Originally Posted by Well Oiled

Almost......but not quite....utter nonsense

i agree

'Utter nonsense' - well I don't think so

it's fact not fiction!!!!!!!!!!!

[northwind]

Originally Posted by oh, my its not a TY

it's fact not fiction!!!!!!!!!!!

Not going near that one... You're either joking or you're the editor of the Daily Mail

[northwind]

I give you an alternative (I've removed one line from each verse because it always causes a total kneejerk reaction)

Whatever happened to childhood?
We're all scared of the kids in our neighboorhood;
They're not small, charming and harmless,
They're a violent bunch of ****ard little s***s.
And anyone who looks younger than me
Makes me check for my wallet, my phone and my keys,
And I'm tired of being tired out
Always being on the lookout for thieving gits.

We're all wondering how we ended up so scared;
We spent ten long years teaching our kids not to care
And that "there's no such thing as society" anyway,
And all the rich folks act surprised
When all sense of community dies,
But you just closed your eyes to the other side
Of all the things that she did.

And it seems a little bit rich to me,
The way the rich only ever talk of charity
In times like the seventies, the broken down economy
Meant even the upper tier was needing some help.
But as soon as things look brighter,
Yeah the grin gets wider and the grip gets tighter,
And for every teenage tracksuit mugger
There's a guy in a suit who wouldn't lift a finger for anybody else.

You've got a generation raised on the welfare state,
Enjoyed all its benefits and did just great,
But as soon as they were settled as the richest of the rich,
They kicked away the ladder, told the rest of us that life's a bitch.
And it's no surprise that all the ****-ups
Didn't show up until the kids had grown up.
But when no one ever smiles or ever helps a stranger,
Is it any ****ng wonder our society's in danger of collapse?

So all the kids are ****ards,
But don't blame them, yeah, they learn by example.
Blame the folks who sold the future for the highest bid.