The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes - Page 72 - SV650.org

daveyrach · 17-01-13, 12:11 PM

I need my brain bleached!

sputnik · 17-01-13, 11:11 PM

Went to the cafe in my local tesco today and ordered a burger. The girl asked me 'what do you want on it?' I said stick a fiver on it each way.

Boom tsh!

punyXpress · 18-01-13, 11:36 AM

Little Johnny strikes again!

The teacher asked the class to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word
"fascinate, not fascinating".
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was "fascinated."
The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate."
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.
She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word
"fascinate", so she called on him.
Johnny said, "My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight."
The teacher sat down and cried.

andrewsmith · 18-01-13, 08:57 PM

Yoink!!!

Dave20046 · 20-01-13, 06:55 PM

To eat or not to eat a Tesco Burger... That is the Equestrian

*Hopefully not been pipped to the post with that one.

punyXpress · 24-01-13, 10:42 AM

Seasonal Essex Blonde Story:

As a trucker stops for a red light on the A12 a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck and knocks on the door.
The trucker lowers the window and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load!"
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car runs up and knocks on the door.
Again, the trucker lowers the window.
As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again.
All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window.
Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck and runs back to the blonde.
He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says............
“ Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter and I'm driving the bloody gritting lorry “

Doinitmyway · 24-01-13, 12:43 PM

Some bar steward has written RETARD in the snow on my windscreen.

Took me an hour to lick it off!!!

24-01-13, 01:39 PM

lol, I like that.

BanannaMan · 02-02-13, 07:20 AM

World News Headlines:
Obama now officially inaugurated into second term.
The US continues to be an Obama nation.

07-02-13, 12:18 PM

I tried to put "Penis" as my password, but the computer said it wasn't long enough.

17-01-13, 12:11 PM	#711
daveyrach Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Reading, Berkshire Posts: 934	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes I need my brain bleached! __________________ Currently bikeless - Driving a 2012 Chevrolet Aveo

17-01-13, 11:11 PM	#712
sputnik Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Sunny Falkirk Posts: 441	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes Went to the cafe in my local tesco today and ordered a burger. The girl asked me 'what do you want on it?' I said stick a fiver on it each way. Boom tsh! __________________ . It's like, how much more black could this be? And the answer is none. None more black. Last edited by sputnik; 17-01-13 at 11:12 PM.

18-01-13, 11:36 AM	#713
punyXpress Member Mega Poster Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Riding, North Posts: 2,664	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes Little Johnny strikes again! The teacher asked the class to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating." The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate, not fascinating". Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was "fascinated." The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate." Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate", so she called on him. Johnny said, "My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight." The teacher sat down and cried. __________________ Was: K2 naked in rapid yellow - gone to a better? place Now: Street Triple R

18-01-13, 08:57 PM	#714
andrewsmith Member Mega Poster Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, Just south of salad dodging country Posts: 7,750	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes Yoink!!! __________________ RIP Reeder 20/07/1988 - 21/03/2012. Always missed squire!!! Every year we meet old friends, gain some new ones, lose old ones and you always remember them all. “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” Mahatma Gandhi

20-01-13, 06:55 PM	#715
Dave20046 Member Mega Poster Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Sheffield Posts: 10,274	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes To eat or not to eat a Tesco Burger... That is the Equestrian *Hopefully not been pipped to the post with that one. __________________

24-01-13, 10:42 AM	#716
punyXpress Member Mega Poster Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Riding, North Posts: 2,664	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes Seasonal Essex Blonde Story: As a trucker stops for a red light on the A12 a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load!" The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says............ “ Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter and I'm driving the bloody gritting lorry “ __________________ Was: K2 naked in rapid yellow - gone to a better? place Now: Street Triple R

24-01-13, 12:43 PM	#717
Doinitmyway Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Nr Southend-on-Sea, Essex Posts: 154	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes Some bar steward has written RETARD in the snow on my windscreen. Took me an hour to lick it off!!! __________________ 10 GSX650F 95 BMW Funduro 89 FZR250R (x2) 92 RG80 (x2!) 89 AR125 - 89 RG125 75 CB200

24-01-13, 01:39 PM	#718
Owenski Guest Posts: n/a	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes lol, I like that.

02-02-13, 07:20 AM	#719
BanannaMan Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Appalachia Posts: 419	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes World News Headlines: Obama now officially inaugurated into second term. The US continues to be an Obama nation. __________________ ...Bill *"The Mountains are calling and I must go"*

07-02-13, 12:18 PM	#720
ClunkintheUK Guest Posts: n/a	Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes I tried to put "Penis" as my password, but the computer said it wasn't long enough. Last edited by Luckypants; 07-02-13 at 12:22 PM. Reason: A descrip[tive word is not in the swear filter.... :-)

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