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Old 19-06-20, 12:12 PM   #1351
keith_d
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Default Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

After three months of tedious lockdown, if you were given the choice of a luxury weekend away with your wife, or a barbeque with your mates, would you choose:

a) Burgers
b) Chicken
c) Sausages
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Old 19-06-20, 02:03 PM   #1352
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Default Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

Cheap ( & dirty ) weekend with next door's au pair ?
No food required.
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Old 08-08-20, 06:04 AM   #1353
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Default a gif you didn't want to see...

... and won't be able to unsee:

https://twitter.com/joeheenan/status...73617071611906
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Old 23-09-20, 04:35 PM   #1354
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Default Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

'The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything;


They just make the most of everything they have.....




They Walk Among Us - BE VERY WARY


IDIOT SIGHTING No.1

My daughter and I went to the McDonald's drive-through check-out window to pay our bill and I gave the clerk a £5 note.

Our total bill was £4.20, so I also handed her a 20 pence piece.

She said, 'You gave me too much money.'

I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me £1 back.'

She sighed and went to get the Manager who asked me to repeat my request.

I did so, and he handed me back the 20 pence and said 'We're sorry but we do not do that kind of thing'.

The clerk then proceeded to give me back 80 pence in change.


Do not confuse the clerks at MacDonald's !!
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Old 23-09-20, 04:37 PM   #1355
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Default Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

IDIOT SIGHTING No 2

We had to have the garage door repaired. The GARADOR repairman told us

that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.

I thought for a moment, and said that we had the largest one GARADOR made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.

He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.'

I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two...'

We haven't used Garador repair since. Happened in Moor Park, near Watford .
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Old 23-09-20, 04:38 PM   #1356
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Default Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

IDIOT SIGHTING No 3

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the Highways Department to request the removal of the 'DEER CROSSING' sign from our road.

The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars on this stretch of road! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing, any-more'.

Story from Potters Bar, Hertfordshire.
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Old 23-09-20, 04:40 PM   #1357
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Default Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

IDIOT SIGHTING No 4

My daughter went to a local Kentucky Fried Chicken and ordered a Taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'

He said he was sorry, but they only had Iceberg Lettuce.

From South Oxhey, Hertfordshire.
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Old 23-09-20, 08:46 PM   #1358
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Default Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by punyXpress View Post
IDIOT SIGHTING No 2

We had to have the garage door repaired. The GARADOR repairman told us

that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.

I thought for a moment, and said that we had the largest one GARADOR made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.

He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.'

I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two...'

We haven't used Garador repair since. Happened in Moor Park, near Watford .


You don't live in Moor Park do you?! I know the area extremely well!
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Old 23-09-20, 09:12 PM   #1359
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Default Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

No - don't have an up & over door either !
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Old 24-09-20, 07:07 AM   #1360
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Default Re: The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

Well I live quite near Potters Bar and I think they should make that "Deer Crossing" cheaper.
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