Parents

I know I am 25 but I still care what my parents think....I hate dissapointing them and I feel like I have done this a fair bit.

How can I handle them when I want to do something that they are not overly keen on? How do I convince them that for me, it's the right thing to do?

I hate having that heir of doubt from them looming over me!


Does anyone else still worry about what their parents think?

i care what my mum thinks but you have to do whats right for you.
but as a parent myself if my children ever decide to use free will i'll smash their toys into little pieces.

[fizzwheel]

Originally Posted by Kate Moss

How can I handle them when I want to do something that they are not overly keen on? How do I convince them that for me, it's the right thing to do?

You cant, now stop worrying about it and get on and do whatever you want to do. I stopped worrying what people thought about me along time ago.

If you constantly seek other peoples opinion you will only ever do what they think is right and if that doesnt match in your heart what you think is right and what you want to do you will have conflict in your life.

Living your life constantly trying to please others by doing what they want you to do will ultimately in my experience lead you to be unhappy.

If its something you want to do your parents if they are like mine will support you in it. Mine have always been like this, they might not agree and they will voice their opinion that they dont agree and explain why and then leave it at that. In their hearts they know that I need work things out for myself and part of learning is to make those mistakes and learn things in my own way.

I ask advice from my mum and dad and they give it. I dont do things just because I am worried about what mum and dad think or might say. However when I was younger, alot of the time they were right and I was wrong.

[dizzyblonde]

Some parents just don't like their little girl growing up. Tough!
I think my mother was the hardest to battle with.....she doesn't challenge it anymore, she'll only get a brutally honest telling off if she sticks her oar in with something shes not keen on. My dad loves it, his daughter acts like she should be the eldest son....lol


signed bitterly twisted ex single parent! with jack boots

They won't approve of everything you do, but then why to they need to know everything, you are an adult. I mean don't lie, but just don't bring it up. My mum was dead against me getting a bike but if she'd lived to see how happy it made me, she'd have come round in the end.

I think part of being an adult is the gradual acceptance that you won't always see eye to eye, but can still love and respect them, and they you too.

[timwilky]

Parents never like to let go, secretly they never do. They like to watch from a distance, proud to see you soar, help you pick up the pieces when you crash. (well that is what I try to do)

However, whilst it is you life, and they should not interfere. Some just cannot help themselves. they are evil, spiteful, vindictive old sods who wonder why they have become lonely in their old age.

If I did what my parents wanted I wouldn't have my bike licence.

They can advise and caution you about stuff they might think unwise but they have to respect you're an independent adult and can do whatever you like.

[timwilky]

My mother hates my wife, why I don't know but about 6 years ago she sent me a letter telling me to get a divorce, she would drag me down etc. A real poison pen jobby.

Only one problem, I love my wife, and my mother wonders why I have not talked to her for 6 years, I know from my twin brother that she is alive/well and still evil.

25 years ago, my younger brother started to see a black girl, the first time mother came home and saw Julie her response was. "Get that nigger out of my house". and now she wonders why of her 5 children only one has anything to do with her.

My youngest brother is gay, she kicked him out the day she put it to him. "Are you a puff?", his reply was "no, I am happy and gay". My sister has lived in Spain for 20 years. She will not visit my mother as she is not allowed to bring the "dago" she is married to.

I am not surprised my dad left her, He told me that he had to be forced to his wedding, He should have put up a stronger fight.

Originally Posted by shonadoll

They won't approve of everything you do, but then why to they need to know everything, you are an adult. I mean don't lie, but just don't bring it up.

Exactly what I was going to say. I know exactly what my mum's like and there are a few things I have deliberately not mentioned to her for her own benefit. just being cruel to be kind. She threw a fit when I first mentioned I'd been on a motorbike and from then on it really sunk in some things were just better left unsaid. I don't leave her completely in the dark but certain things, like a tiny off we had, are kept under wraps.

I sort of rebelled a bit in my late teens as I was spending a lot of time away from home, so she soon learnt that she couldn't keep tabs on me all the time and became a lot more easy-going which has improved our relationship no end. She amazed me one day when I told her I was going on a long-distance rideout. I'd spent ages psyching myself up to tell her and upon waiting for the explosion down the phone she just said "Ok darling, just be careful!" I was gobsmacked!

So just do what you want Kate and try not to think of how your folks will react, it's not the end of the world if they object to whatever it is you're doing. You've absolutely nothing to prove, you're their daughter and although they just want what's best for you they also want you to be happy and won't want to hold you back. In fact I bet if they knew you felt like you do they'd tell you to stop being daft and get on with your life

I want to make my parents feel proud, but I don't fear making them feel ashamed. I talk through everything with them when it comes to life-plans; recently, I had contemplated giving up my PhD - my parents said I had already made them proud (getting a chemistry degree) and although they want me to stay on and do the PhD, they wouldn't mind if I gave it up and got a proper job - as long as I've tried my best and as long as I end up doing something that makes me happier, they feel happy too.

My parents don't approve of some things I've done (kicking the door of a BMW got me my first thick ear since I was 17 when my dad told me off for riding with no gloves...) but they do understand why I have done things. They don't force me into doing anything either; for example, they want all us kids to have a car driving lisence - I'm the only one without one (my sister and two brothers are able to drive) but they know I'm more into my bikes, and that in reality I am better on a bike since I'm in london.

I don't keep too many secrets from my parents, if any at all. I'm quite lucky really, my parents are brilliant and although I don't always agree with some things (particularly with some views my dad holds...) we have a good relationship.

For you, kate, you need to be honest. Thats the only way. Maybe you havn't been honest with them all your life (I don't know) and perhaps this is why its hard for you to discuss whatever it is you need to discuss with them; on the flip side, its never too late to start being honest about what you want. After all, you;re 25 and its your life you lead now, your mistakes that you make, your succes that you create. As long as you can deal with the outcomes of everything that you do, then your parents should be supportive.

Matt