Problems with work mate

Morning all,

have a problem at the moment in work and was hoping to get some guidance from the mighty .org

Basically i work in new car sales in a team of 6 salespeople, one of whom is a girl. She is the newest of the team having been here for one and a half years and is also the weakest of the team in terms of sales.

Unfortunately I have history with her from when she first started and i had split from my long term girlfriend. It was only a brief 3-4 week thing and was kept under wraps from the others in work. I ended it when i found out she had done the same thing with another member of the sales team a couple of week previously and told him to keep it a secret too.

It was a alkward thing as i work in such close proximity to her and was so angry that everyone had seen me make a fool of myself. I couldn't speak to her for weeks (and vice versa)

Things had improved since then, we had had a conversation in which i made it clear we would never be friends again but that i would be civil as we had to work together. however in the last week we found out we are closing a showroom and two sales staff are joining our team. All of a sudden her dad has called the boss and made a complaint about her being bullied and ignored in work and my name was mentioned several times.

Its strange timing as nothing had changed for months.

The thing is i have since found out a lot more about her both before and since those 3-4weeks and as a result i like her even less, also as everyone else knows these things too they dislike her too. This is not my doing and all stems from her own behavior and yet i feel like i am being picked on.

Im 6ft4 and 19st10 and im worried if HR get involved in this they will immediately come to the wrong conclusion that she is being billied cos she is a girl but i cant just pretend nothings happened and be normal with her all of a sudden after not bothering with her for nearly 2 years? Im not a bully verbal or physical and the though of it makes me sick but i dont know how to approach this situation.

Help?

[Gazza77]

Originally Posted by neillfergie

Morning all,

have a problem at the moment in work and was hoping to get some guidance from the mighty .org

Basically i work in new car sales in a team of 6 salespeople, one of whom is a girl. She is the newest of the team having been here for one and a half years and is also the weakest of the team in terms of sales.

Unfortunately I have history with her from when she first started and i had split from my long term girlfriend. It was only a brief 3-4 week thing and was kept under wraps from the others in work. I ended it when i found out she had done the same thing with another member of the sales team a couple of week previously and told him to keep it a secret too.

It was a alkward thing as i work in such close proximity to her and was so angry that everyone had seen me make a fool of myself. I couldn't speak to her for weeks (and vice versa)

Things had improved since then, we had had a conversation in which i made it clear we would never be friends again but that i would be civil as we had to work together. however in the last week we found out we are closing a showroom and two sales staff are joining our team. All of a sudden her dad has called the boss and made a complaint about her being bullied and ignored in work and my name was mentioned several times.

Its strange timing as nothing had changed for months.

The thing is i have since found out a lot more about her both before and since those 3-4weeks and as a result i like her even less, also as everyone else knows these things too they dislike her too. This is not my doing and all stems from her own behavior and yet i feel like i am being picked on.

Im 6ft4 and 19st10 and im worried if HR get involved in this they will immediately come to the wrong conclusion that she is being billied cos she is a girl but i cant just pretend nothings happened and be normal with her all of a sudden after not bothering with her for nearly 2 years? Im not a bully verbal or physical and the though of it makes me sick but i dont know how to approach this situation.

Help?

Has anyone formally said anything to you about a complaint, or is this all just rumour at the moment? If anything is formally said, I'd try to stay calm and ask them for detailed examples of why and how she feels bullied before you comment further.

what the hell is her dad doing calling? is this a fisher price showroom?

shouldnt worry about it till something actually happens!

Originally Posted by neillfergie

All of a sudden her dad has called the boss and made a complaint about her being bullied and ignored in work and my name was mentioned several times.

her dad wasnt there when she causing havoc.... why she getting him involved now?? surely if she old enough to have a string of "affairs" she's old enough to "fight" her own battles?? surely, management are not that naive and stupid that they cannot see thru this?

if you have done nothing wrong i really wouldnt worry about it

"hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" ....

tell her to grow up

[fizzwheel]

Keep your head down, keep your mouth shut, dont speak to her unless you have to and when you do be polite & professional just like you have been so far.

Keep a diary of whats been said by whom and when, if you have to speak to her make sure somebody else is present when you do and if you can backup and conversations with email. Remember dont give her anything that in any shape or form she can use against you. You'll have to be 100% squeaky clean, but it will pay off in the long run if you can stand it.

Without evidence I doubt your boss will be able to act on the complaint. I'd just keep my head down and wait for it to be formally mentioned to you and then take it from there if and when it does.

I totally understand where you're coming from I work with one colleague who I cannot stand and shes has a history of complaining about me behind my back and has been doing so for the last 4 years. I've never had anything formally said to me about it, but if it does arrive I have plenty of evidence tucked away that paints her in a less than perfect light.

You're other option is to just go and speak to your boss now and put all your cards out in the open tell him whats happened in the past and that you've heard about a complaint being made and say that you'd like the opportunity to address any issues she may have with you with a mediator present and get it all out in the open and try and clear it up. Again keep calm and dont get riled or loose your temper.

Neither are easy options and sometimes keeping your cool is almost impossible. Best of luck with it.

Thanks guys, had been pulled upstairs to the boss yesterday to be told about it. I have a good relationship with both my bosses and they know some of the history but not the full story (which i wont go into but believe me there is a pattern) and neither does her dad who probably thinks she is all sweet and innocent.

They just want it put to bed and forgotten about but its not that simple as there is a general dislike for her from all the guys now.

I have asked to have a chat with them later to clear my position up and ask for some kind of mediated clearing of the air meeting with her.

Ill keep you posted

[pookie]

if she hasnt said anything to HR then I dont think its going any further, you'd get a word in your ear by the boss otherwise..my take is that times are hard and if management have sense they will keep the people that make them money and get rid of the dead wood. Its going to be down to the numbers. Sounds like she's been found out and plan A Sleeping with everyone to keep them sweet hasnt worked. Be confident in your abilities and you havent done anything wrong so keep your head down and work hard.

the dads comments cannot be noted...

The complaint can only come direct from her.

Try not to worry, you have done nothing wrong.

I wonder if she actually asked her Dad to do that? What a baby!

[Viney]

You know what, i would speak to the Boss and do what Fizz said in the second part of of his post. She sounds like shes manipulating the situation to her advantage. tehre are some girls out there that do this stuff to get further up the ladder and you have been swept up in it all. If you can get the other guy to do the same it would be helpful.

Women! You can't beat 'em