xXBADGERXx`s and the "Hardy Bikers Rideout 2" - Epic Post

“Prepping and Meeting up”

It`s Friday night and I am getting ready for the “Hardy Bikers Rideout 2” , I have a very jumbled mind from having way too many knocks on the noggin , I am trying to remember vital stuff for the weekend and pack it in my Rucksack and failing epically , UKGold is on TV and I keep getting sidetracked with watching episodes of “Bottom” . I eventually get the majority of stuff ready and get myself into bed around 1 in the morning . The alarm goes off and I open my eyes , it`s 7 in the morning and I head for the shower . Once sorted I get all the essentials together , finish the packing (sweeping everything methodically lain on the bed into the rucksack with one arm) and get the Autocom installed on the bike and have the Satnav MP3 player set for “Random” with a nice choice of 2 Slipknot albums , Anthrax , Metallica and Machine Head . My sister turns up and bundles the Dog into the car (Titch enjoys weekends with my sister as she is the Nigella Lawson of North Wales and a fantastic cook – The Dog often comes back smelling suspiciously of Steak and I am sure I see Peppercorn Sauce on her Whiskers – Damn thing eats better than I do) . My sister asks me what time I have to be there and I tell her I wanna be there for 10 , she looks at her watch and says “But it`s 8:30 now” , I run into the house to suit up , my sister drives off up the road and I look at the Dog , I am sure I can see her wriggling her Doggy Eyebrows , licking her lips and rubbing her paws together . I swing a leg over the bike , make sure everything is zipped/locked/tied down and set off …….. I need to get a wriggle on here otherwise lateness will ensue .

I hit the A55 after fuelling up and drawing some spendies out and let the bike settle into a nice pace as I am in Brunstrom territory , I pass a few coaches and kids are in the back giving me thumbs up and stuff and I give the bike a quick Blatt away as the baffle is out and we need to encourage younger aspiring riders to have a nice sounding bike when they are older . I pass the roadworks at St.Asaph and start to feel a bit better about getting some more speed on , a decent song comes on the Earpieces and I think “Aaaah sod it” I wind the throttle on with the song playing nicely and go for it . The M56 doesn`t last long and there is hardly anyone on it , I get to the M6 and by now the “Random” selection on the MP3`s has been anything less , I swear by now I have heard the same song 3 times and the music is getting on my thruppeny bits . I hear a beep in my ear which signifies a phone call , it`s my other sister .

Sister : Hiya Bruv , listen , this wedding …..
Me : I`m on the bike right now sis , can you ring me later ?
Sister : You don`t sound like you are , how are you talking on it ?
Me : Sis , I`m on the M6 , traveling at (x) miles an hour and can`t pull over to talk , chat later ok ?
Sister : Ok then bruv ….. it`s very good sound quality you know , you can`t tell ……..
Me : SIS ….. now is not the time .
Sister : Ok , don`t forget to ring me ok ?
Me : Yeah will do , byeeeeee .

BEEP (call ends) . I roll my eyes and think “This Bluetooth malarkey is gonna be a pain in the butt” . I only have it switched on in case Yorkie Chris or someone needs to ring me en-route or on the ride if anything happens . I spot a sign at the edge of the M6 and it says “Lancaster 45 miles” , I look down at the clock on the SV and it says 9:45 am , blimey , quarter of an hour to the meet time , Must Not Be Late . I wind the throttle on some more and go for it , The Scorpion Can is now bellowing like a Moose being taken from behind by surprise and every car I target has people`s heads turning to one side before I even get there . I spot the turnoff for the Services and , for the first time since joining the Motorway , I leave the fast lane and hit the slip road , The brakes are applied , then some more , then really applied and I think “Hooooooooly Shiiiii ………. This ramp is short” . I regain composure hoping none of the Org see my enthusiastic entry to the car park . I look around in case anyone has arrived before me ……….. they have , as there is a huge gaggle of Bikes . I am 10 minutes late as usual and park up .

Berlin and Dave20046 are the first to introduce themselves and I show my face to the others , I head upstairs to see the rest and get a warm brew down my neck , pretty much everyone is here . Map and contact details are handed out and we all have a gander at it and stash them safely . RobChester arrives and a little later Quiff turns up with Mandy and it looks like we are set to go . We all gather downstairs and Paul the 6th and ThEGr33k are comparing the length of their heated jacket wires , they touch them together and make a joke about “Interfacing” or something , I show them the lead from my Autocom in my Helmet and state “Mine`s bigger than yours” ….. The tone is set for weekend

We head for the Petrol station and some blind numpty nearly has me off in the car park , I beep my horn and hurl abuse at him and think to myself “that would be a bloody short ride-out , not even making it from the start” …………. Little did I know , 10 minutes later this would ring true for somebody .

“The Rideout” or is it ?

We all head off onto the M6 and get a move on , Something happens ahead and I am not sure what has occurred but I see a bike pulling over next to another one under a bridge , I cast an eye to the left and see a Blue Pointy SV with a White helmeted rider talking to another bike , I try to think if that is any of our bunch as the only White lids I remember are people on Curvy`s . I think to myself “Nah I doubt that was one of ours , probably just coincidence” . We turn off the M6 and onto some A-roads and we form a nice pattern of riders and settle into the rideout proper .

We are heading for Coniston and the pace is a little sedate as the traffic is sparse but the overtake points are few . Eventually we get to a faster pace and I have worked my way up to the front of the pack . I have Regency in my sights on his Pimped Ducati Monster and follow him , Quiff comes barreling past on the GSXR with Mandy and slots in between Regency and myself , the road is narrow here and some bend sweepery ensues and the road is nice . Yorkie Chris points at a junction marker and Regency hits a lump of something in the road , it comes flying past me and I brake for the turn off and Regency pulls over and just as he marks the junction , Quiff goes past him , he thinks Regency is assessing for “Lump” damage and isn`t marking the junction …….. Damn , we`ve lost one . I make a note of the road we are on in case Quiff rings me as I am in constant comms on the bike . The pack arrive and I yell to Regency about the loss of Quiff and set off after the pack and pass a few . We go on for a little bit more and the Sun is out and the scenery starts to become very impressive , I admire the views and lean into a few more bends , something is odd about my bike as I can hear a “Tingling” noise , I start to think if that lump Regency hit had impacted with me but I would have heard it , maybe it`s inteference on the Autocom , On some of the junctions I can hear it when I blip the throttle , I decide to put it out of my mind and get on with the ride ……. We get to a town and I stop to have a quick check just in case and cant spot anything , I wave the pack past , and am satisfied that nothing detrimental has happened and am happy to carry on . We get to Coniston and plot up , Charlie13 taps me on the shoulder and says “Your chain adjuster is loose on the back and has no locknut on it” ……… they have Locknuts ? , I thank him for spotting that and get busy with the Toolkit (first time it has been used ) . I finish with that and Quiff is here , I am puzzled as he got there before us , turns out he has been here before so we are all back together again . I pop into the Lakeside café and queue up , I feel my Rucksack being tugged on and turn around , Paul the 6th is wriggling his eyebrows and rubbing his hands together and asking “Is there any Carrot Cake?” , I peer around Newts924 and scan the counter , there is no Carrot Cake . I tell Paul there is anyway so he can get all excited about the prospect of Carrot Cake and then feel the disappointment ……. Ha!!!!! Burned . I pay £1:75 for a small bottle of 7up , what a rip…. That`s the weekend budget blown

I have a widdle and we get ready to head off for the next destination . The road is nice but we are yet to see the most impressive scenery , a little while later we get into some serious twisties that provide a lot of fun and some altitude is gained , the mountainous areas of the Lakes are in full view and we are in a beautiful panorama . For some reason I am busting for a widdle again and can`t concentrate , I see Yorkie Chris pull into a layby and think “Ha , lunge pictures and a chance for me to go and mark my territory” , all of a sudden everybody sets off and nobody has marked the junction , a cunning plan is formed and I pull out of the layby and mark the area and scan down into the valley , no bikes are seen and I am wondering if I can whip out MiniMe and have a quick widdle , no such luck as a gaggle of bikes arrive and Pmapp arrives resplendent in the TEC Hi-Vis jacket ….. damnit !!!! . He invites me back onto the road and my bladder starts the Spanish Inquistion with my mind as to why it was promised sweet sweet release and denied , I tell the bladder to wait , it will be soon enough . I hammer the bike past a group of riders and play catch up and have a bit of a hoot . Next thing I can see is Orose marking a huge A-Road with the promise of the town of Keswick being within Bladder-Release distance , I come out of the junction and grab a massive handful of throttle and have the back end squirming and I don`t care ……. I need a toilet and fast . Minutes later I see Charlie13 marking the next junction and I pull out right behind a Porsche GT3 , I start to wind the throttle on with the hopes of adding one of these to my kill trophy and am defeated by a 30 MPH sign ………. Much sighing and huffage ensues . I am staring at the back of this thing and notice it turns into a petrol station and there is Yorkie Chris beckoning me into the station , oh yes …… I fill up as quickly as possible and am dancing on the spot when paying for the fuel and ask the girl if they have a toilet , she eventually points to the corner of the shop and the door bangs shut a nanosecond later , lots of zip noises and Badger does his impression of a Horse relieving itself in the street …….Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah .

I emerge a different man and we all collect up in the corner of the garage forecourt , GT3 man is there washing his expenso car with a garage forecourt Jet Washer . Some bikes are maneuvered (I suspect on purpose) with cans facing this guy and are fired up , he visibly flinches and I decide to fire mine up and Paggered it off the rev limiter by accident , I feel guilty about this and look at Yorkie Chris who is Peein himself laughing ……. Ooops . We trundle for a couple of streets and all of a sudden the head of the pack turns off on a roundabout and to my right BluePete emerges and beckons me to a stop , he signals that we are parking up and enquires which way the pack has gone , I show him and he goes off after them , We plot up and it turns out it`s a food break . Calls are made to various people as to our whereabouts and within 10 minutes or so we are all back together again . We go to the Chippy over the road and I run across Forrest Gump style on purpose with my arms waving about and Miss Yorkie Chris is peein herself at the image before her . Quiff is in there ripping the mickey out of the most miserable Chip Shop assitant in existence and Mandy has the whitest cup of …….. well I am not sure what it was but it was the same colour as the cardboard cup it was in . We assemble back over the road , Chips are consumed , mickey taking ensues , technical advice is given and I spot the front door of a guest house , it is full of ornamental Elephants and I rename the place “The Ceramic Elephant Graveyard” . A Red pointy and a Hardly Davison style tractor goes past and we are all waving at him from the side road but they don`t see us , a passerby asks them if they are with “that lot over there” and they gave a negative response , shame really as they are missing a good day out .

“Full of Chips and more riding”


We set off again and as soon as we get going , we are turning off again and heading upwards , the road is full of Grockles with bobbly hats on and walking sticks and a few of them take pictures of the mass of rowdy bikes trying to pick their way up a gravel infested and tight road . This amuses me somewhat as I have an image of peaceful scenery with much tranquility , butterflies flapping their wings lazily on the light breeze , the hill walkers bouncing along with the theme tune for the “Archers” playing in their heads and the mighty Org turns up , brapping and frapping unbaffled exhausts . We stop for a cliff top lunge shot and admire the huge view , the mountains are snow capped still and it`s beautiful .



I sneak off and mark my territory between 2 trees (I just cannot stop pee`ing today) and then we start the bikes up and head down very slowly and turn back onto the road . In the distance I can imagine some Grockles trying to outrun an avalanche caused by the sound of a lot of SV`s starting an exhaust pressure pulse wave down the valley . We get quite separated here and I am one of the last to pull out , gives me a chance to relax a bit and admire the scenery as I heard that the next section would be quite slow anyway . As I get a wind on I spot a sign mentioning Badgers and beam to myself , unaware that the road has a massive abrupt rise in it . I look forward and see the rise disappear right under me , the front end is up , I am on the power and praying for a soft landing on the front end ….. the bike comes down with a slight clonk from the front forks and a squirm of the bars and I decide to pay more attention to the road now as it is gonna get dangerous . We turn off onto a very slim road and go for more altitude and I am behind DizzyBlonde , The poor girl has clutch slip problems and we have a Red Honda HRV 4x4 in front of us and a colossal mobile home RV in front of that (why they brought this here I don`t know) , I sneak past Dizzy and immediately the HRV blocks me , I am trying to get past him slowly so that Dizzy can see it`s safe to pass so she can ride her bike without the clutch having to be slipped . I gesture at this A-hole to move over and get past him and the RV , after cresting the hill the road heads right downwards and Smudge is gesturing to pull into some sort of Mine type place for a photo opportunity . We set up for the Lunge shot , and I am standing on the top of the fence saluting , there are some concerns about the strength of the fence from AndyBrad and I wind him up by jiggling and boinging the fence J , everyone is ready for the photo and all of a sudden the fence wobbles and I scream like a girl and start windmilling my arms , luckily I managed to regain composure and continued my salute .



Lunge is done and I scamper away from the fence and it`s rocky descent and glad to be away from it . I spot a sign warning us that it isn`t nice to steal bits of Rock .



They didn`t see me “Borrow” this did they ?



I also spot a big lump of Rock on wheels and decide to see if it can be ridden , it can but the acceleration is a bit slow , I reckon it`s about an inch every Ice-Age ?



We get back on the bikes and head out again , this Valley is the roughest bit of the trip and I am getting battered on the front suspension and my arms start to tire , the road then turns fairly decent again and Berlin blatters past me on his Hornet , I decide not to give chase as my concentration is going and the light is also failing a bit , we go past another lake and it reminds me of the reservoir we pass on some of the recent NW rideouts , We then drop into a forest section and I faff a couple of corners up due to tiredness , a Blue Pointy with pillion Blarps past (SteveGod?) and I decide my time at the front is over and it`s time to drop back a bit and reel the enthusiasm in a bit . Eventually I come across Berlin sitting at a junction with his hands in the air , I point forwards as the junction marking system states that if no one is at a junction then go straight on , it was the right decision as a few minutes later we come across BluePete pointing us in the right direction , the light is failing a bit now and we are probably about 15 miles away from our final destination . I follow a bandit 1250 with the young lad on the back as Pillion (was this Amarco5 ?) . Eventually we are back on a big wide fast A-Road and the Bandit pulls over , he tells us he is leaving us here and to carry on over the next roundabout and head for Ambleside , I take off and arrive at this roundabout a minute or so later and think “Hmmm this might be confusing for some Orgers” as it was a bit offset and people may have been as tired as I was . I decided to mark it and glad I did for one reason ……….. hearing you lot tear past and opening those bikes up onto a nice fast dual carriageway and listening to the pipes wailing for a good mile before the noise abated . Pmapp turns up and I get on the gas and play catch-up and give the bike some stick , the end is nigh and the last section is under my wheels . I catch up with Yorkie Chris and we give it a bit of welly until I think I spot a Patrol car , I think I need an eye test because as I got closer , this bike chasing Volvo T5 with full on recording equipment , turned out to be a Volkswagen Beetle with a roof rack on it . We get to Ambleside and I managed to miss the gate for the backpackers which has Quiff waving enthusiastically outside it …… DOH! . The bike is turned around in a private driveway and shuttled nicely into it`s parking space in the backpackers and turned off for the night . Dave20046 decides to park his bike on a raised bit around the corner and revs the nuts off the bike to get it up the step , this makes us all cringe from the noise .

“Mischief and Malarkey”


There seems to be a lot less bikes here and we ascertain that Ploppy , Paul the 6th , Regency and a couple of others are missing , I am told that a couple of riders were local and went home . I sign in and pay for my stay and head up to the dorm , I walk in and see a load of bunk beds and there is no way I am gonna be able to sleep in one of them with my Height , they have wooden planks across the ends of the bunk , I wander further in and there is a lone bed in the corner under the eaves of the roof , perfect . I drop all my gear on it and claim it , I have a quick 5 minute snooze (it`s tradition) . The gang all arrive and Paul wanders in and says “Any spare beds” , I pat the one next to me and wriggle my eyebrows “Right here baby” , he is visibly pleased to see that he has a bed in the “Fart” room , he also says “I`ve text Nick and he`s fine” , I give him a puzzled look and that is when it was explained to me about the chain incident , I knew there was somebody missing but couldn`t quite put my finger on it . I open my rucksack and I have no Towel ……. Damnit , I go and brush my choppers and wet my hair to get the Helmet mohican out of it , I come back in and use my helmet bag as a towel , quite handy that fleecey lining J . I wander off and there is a loud Thud , the floor trembles and , somewhere in Ambleside , pint glasses of Beer tremble like that bit in Jurassic Park . I go back in the dorm and Paul the 6th is clutching his skull , he has ducked under the eaves next to my bed and stood up and cracked his bonce on the beam of the Roof .

Eventually we are all talking about Beer and food , somebody mentions that they can`t wait for the Full English we are gonna have in the morning and we all scramble down the stairs in a massive frenzy of arms and legs and head into Ambleside . On the way past we spot Quiff`s bike nestled around the corner of the B and B and make a joke about moving his bike , somebody tests the water but the steering lock is on . Ah well I am sure we can do something later on . We all eventually end up in a nice little pub and the Beer and chatter ensues , food is mentioned and various people split up into groups , I like the sound of the Pub Grub option and follow PunyXpress , Berlin , Orose and the Yorkies into the White Lion , we are shown to a quiet table amongst some families and I think to myself “Oh god , they are gonna love us in here” . We all have a laugh and swap stories about biking related incidents and my phone starts to ring , it`s Paul the 6th .

Me : Hello
Paul : (slurred speech) Badger I love you
Me : I love you more
Paul : What are you wearing ?
Me : I am wearing a Leather bra with nipple tassles , a diving Snorkel and mask , Crotchless YMCA trousers a Doctor Marten Boot on one foot and an oversized Clown Shoe on the other .

I can actually hear half the diners behind me stop eating and my fellow Orgers and sniggering like kids .

Paul explains that they still haven`t eaten yet and that they are taking the mickey with the prices and they walked out of one place and trying another . Our food arrives eventually and I have opted for a Thai Red Vegetable Curry , the “Fart” room needs fuel tonight . I get a round in and sit down and Paul rings again , they still haven`t eaten and I tease him about the lovely meal we have all just had and that we are into serious Beerage now . Paul then tells me they are doing “Shakey Face” pictures where you shake your head like a Dog from side to side and take a photo and Regency has given himself a headache doing it . This does not bode well for later as Paul then says “Are you up for some Mischief later on?” ………….. damn right I am Bud . We all barrel out of the Lion and head back to the original pub , Beer flows and eventually the rest of the reprobates turn up and it`s now that we notice Paul`s jeans , they have Diamantes on the back of them and Sparkly bits and I start singing “Rhinestone Cowboy” .



Another fashion Faux-Pas that doesn`t go un-noticed is Quiff`s footwear , he has White Crocs on and despite his best efforts to explain how comfy they are and that they fit in the Rucksack nicely we are having none of it .



People start drifting off and we are outside with the landlord who turns into a bit of a bell-end about noise , I tell him he has nice beer and butter him up and we keep the noise down . I look at Yorkie Chris and say “Hey , I am sure you said on the Org that you always have a roll of Gaffa tape under your seat?” , he eyes me suspiciously and says “Yeah , it`s clear Gaffa tape as well , why?” , “Do you fancy taping the end of an exhaust up ?” , we have a chuckle and discuss who is gonna be the recipient and there is only one candidate …………. The Quiff . We stagger back to the Dorm and I am absolutely Gattered and all over the shop . I still have a Beer in one hand and the Yorkies are piggybacked and staggering too . We scope out Quiff`s bike for Pre-Gaffa malarkey and decide it`s good to go . We make our way to the Dorm and literally crash through the door in a drunken rabble . I APOLOGISE for the following sequence of events .

I decided to play the A$$ Piano which horrified everybody in the room , Paul the 6th then egged me on to stick some plastic flowers in Yorkie Chris`s exhaust which was funny when Miss Yorkie Chris came out and went “Awwww Chris , did you do that for me ?” , well that was it then , I was on the floor wetting myself and then noticed the owner of the Backpackers standing there , talking about Zero noise policy and to be quiet . He is right and we decide that the Gaffa incident should be now , we gather a few Mischevious types and head off to the B and B in a weaving snaking line , I am sweaving all over the shop (It`s like Swerving and Weaving but with more Beer) and Quiff`s exhaust is done up like a good `un . Somebody starts bleating about how it`s gonna blow his engine up and I assure them that it will either be a pig to start or it will blow off …….. I think .


We get back to the Dorm and notice the wooden Hippo , I take a liking to it and it spends a few minutes under my arm being cuddled , it has a belly like mine and a cute schnuffy nose . The owner relieves me of it and places it back on the Piano but doesn`t tell me off for the Beer in my hand , we go back outside as Dave20046 plays A$$ Piano as well and we scarper , DizzyBlonde opens the door and looks like this as she had just dropped off . I get the blame and tell her it wasn`t me ……. For once and she lets me off . We are starting to realize that we are getting very close to quite possibly spending the night outside if we aren`t careful and we sneak back in as quiet as drunken , sniggering , shhhhush`ing people can on creaky stairs with a fit of the Giggles .

We clamber into bed and Paul offers me a Tesco`s Value Penguin biscuit , I berate him for being a cheap-A$$ and not buying the proper thing and hand it back to him . The lights go out …….. and just on the edge of hearing I swear I can hear somebody trying to unwrap a cheap copy of a Penguin biscuit under the covers , there is the sound of Munching going on and I yell “Paul STOP eating” , there is a Peel of laughter and Paul chokes on his Value chocolatey biscuit . Then it starts …………. The strange “Snore Chorus” of 3 or 4 different snorers and I find this hilarious and start laughing , somebody mutters “shurrup Muttley” and that is the last thing I remember .

“Rude Awakening”


It is 6:45 in the morning and somebody has a mobile phone alarm going off in their pocket , I huff to myself as my head has it`s own drum solo going on and think to myself “What utter Bastage sets an alarm for that time of the morning ?” , I pull the covers over my head and ignore it , it stops and silence ensues , I settle into a slumber again and it goes off again ……… FFS somebody is gonna get a hoofing for this . It quietens again , then goes off and then in horror I recognize the annoying alarm tone to be my own , I know that after 5 or 6 attempts it goes into alarm off mode and I decide that discretion is the better part of valor and decide to ignore it til it times out so that nobody knows it was mine . Eventually people start to waken and Paul states “My eyes are as Red as the Devil`s Scrotum” , I reply back “That`s what you get for looking at it” , somebody says “who`s bloody alarm was that ?” and I decide to admit to it . Everyone goes down for breakfast and I am all at sea and can hardly walk . The stairs are perilous and I can smell that full English waiting for me , the smell of Sausages , Eggs , Bacon drives me downwards …….. I walk into the eating room and the place falls silent as everyone stares at the shambling mess of a human being before them and there are plenty or Orgers laughing at my expense here ,



even some of the Grockles here find it funny , I shamble into the kitchen and realization finally dawns on me , it`s self service and there is a choice of Cereal or Toast ……….. no full English , I still swear I can smell it , but it is not here , I settle for Muesli and a Coffee and sit down , I try my best to eat it and Puny walks past and says “you want an Egg on top of that” , I start to retch like a puppy and just about hold it down . I go back into the kitchen and abandon the Muesli and decide to make some toast …. This is the worlds slowest toaster and the bread is in there for about 7 minutes and comes out ever so slightly darker than when it went in , I say to Yorkie Chris “Bloody Hell , does this Toaster have a 40 watt lightbulb in it or what?” , he laughs and says “Nah they took that out and stuck one of those Energy Efficient ones in there” . AndyBrad turns up and hands me a Berrocca tablet and explains it`s a hangover cure , I drop it in a mug and add water and give it a go , he then says “Oh Yeah and don`t be alarmed if it turns your Pi$$ Orange” . It does the job and I feel better`ish .

I return to the eating room and spot a game , I have a flashback to the night before and decide to bring to the attention of those with cameras , shhhhhhh!!!!!!



Everybody packs and we all say our goodbyes and organize who is going where and I head off for the M6 , I have Metallica playing and pick my way past a few people and wave goodbye and then spot my turn off and blast it ………. I peer in my mirrors and Smudge is the last person I saw as he turns off , I am officially now on my own and riding solo .

The M6 passes without incident and I am onto another album , there are some dangerous drivers on the Motorway and I decide to stay in the fast lane as the middle lane is full of dodgy lane swappers . I eventually get onto the M56 and Gatter along at a fair pace and before I know it the bike flicks an Amber light on requesting more go juice , I pull into Chester services and fill up , there seems to be some guy on a Fireblade in full power rangers kit and he is hovering like he is trying to catch my attention , he nods at me as he puts his earplugs in and I nod back , he starts his bike up and gives it a few high spirited blips in “Oooh can you hear my loud can?” fashion ………….. I think to myself “You are not even in the same league mate , in fact your league is so far away from my league , that if your league were to explode , I wouldn`t hear the bang for 3 weeks” . I start my bike up but don`t rev it , it burbles into life and I let him depart before me , He is giving it all the dangly lean angles on the roundabout and seems to be posing it up and enjoying himself , he gasses it back down onto the M56 and I think “Yippeee he`s going in my direction” , I give him a head start and make sure there is nothing incriminating behind me or on the Horizon and I wind the SV up into top gear and go hammering past him with the Can on full Moose Bellow , job done .

I hit the A55 and it`s quite clear and I am welcomed home by something that always greets me in fine fashion , my own personal storm cloud that follows me along the A55 and insists on raining as hard as it can on me , great . I am followed by quite a big and square menacing Vauxhall Vectra who has arrived from nowhere and alarm bells are going off , I pull over to the nearside lane and it flies past me doing over a ton , there are pink Playboy bunnies on the back window , scarves hanging out the windows , 2 girls in it and on the back the car has vinyls on the boot saying “I`m pink , I`m hot , I`m everything your Not” …………. Classy , it is also being followed by a Poxhall Corsa that has been lowered with an exhaust the size of a dustbin on it and all sorts of modifications that Halfords can offer the spotty faced , big eared Neanderthal driving after the girls ………. My mind is saying “don`t do it , don`t do it” and I give in and pull out behind them , they are hammering it and I follow at a nice pace as I know what is up ahead , the St.Asaph roadworks bottleneck . The traffic slows down and I play my trump card , the Filter . You may be pink and hot and everything I am not but guess what Love , I`m not stuck in traffic am I ? I get to the head of the traffic and get a hoof on and head for home . I eventually get to my turn off and arrive home , I get in and call my sister to bring the Dog home . Everything is unpacked and the Dog is dropped off and wanders right past me without a care in the world and crashes out in front of the fire with a fat belly . I decide that I seriously need a kip and climb into bed , utterly wasted . I am drifting off into a sweet slumber , no bike sounds , no phone calls , no snoring or farts , no A$$ piano and the house is quiet , it has been a good weekend spent with top people .

I hear the Dog come padding up the stairs and she enters my bedroom and walks around the bed , I am so tired and don`t even open my eyes to tell her to do one , A presence is in front of my face and I can hear sniffing followed by the sounds of paws going down the stairs …………. Wait a minute ? was that Steak and Peppercorn Sauce I could smell then ?


I never did call my sister back .

[Quiff Wichard]

ha thats ace- you missed your vocation..

[Dave20046]

Brilliant account

By the way quiff you might want to turn up the sensitivity on your bikes alarm!

[Quiff Wichard]

Originally Posted by Dave20046

Brilliant account

By the way quiff you might want to turn up the sensitivity on your bikes alarm!

what alarm..!!

I just pee all over it every night so anyone touching it gets all my diseases.

Funny you should say that , so did we








Jokin , we just scarpered after the tape was applied

[Dave20046]

haha! I thought gsxrs were alarmed.

I wondered if that bump would have caught anyone else out badge, I gave it a bit of a fistful for that 'losing yer stomach' feel but didn't give it too much just incase it was steeper than I thought...well it was a lot steeper than I'd guessed and it's the one time I've been thankful I filled my forks with gravel instead of oil.