The Comedy Club - Think up some new jokes

[andrewsmith]

[L3nny]

That reminds me of this

Went to a fancy dress party last night dressed as a loaf of bread....

The birds were all over me

This lent I'm trying to give up making sexual innuendos. It's so hard.

[andrewsmith]

Impossible to pat back down?

[punyXpress]

An old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old German Shepherd thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep now!"
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly,
"Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.
"Whew!," says the panther, "That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.
The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.
The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"
Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says...
"Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"
Moral of this story...
Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!

Englishman, American, Frenchman and an Asian on top of the Eiffel Tower.
The American throws a load of money off the top.
"Why did you do that"? Ask the others.
"We have so much money in the States I can afford to do it" says the American.
"Ok" says the Frenchman and throws a bottle of champagne off the top, saying "we have so much champagne in France I can afford to do it"
The Asian looks at the Englishman and says " Don't you fu**ing dare!"

I thought my Mum was joking when she told me that Davy Jones was dead. But then I saw her face. Now I'm a bereaver.

[DJ123]

Originally Posted by Joe Marcon
well i saw the lambo pass so i pulled out to chase, got to some lights and i filtered to the front and i took off on the line, he was quick to follow but i edge away (obv he dint have full power on) but i then carried on to the next lights . lambo wasnt seen. i pulled up waiting lmao :L he went passed and another car behind . got to a 200yard stretch and over took car 1 then the lambo he sure put his foot down but all ready had momentum he chased me up the hill and slowly eased off. there for,, sv restricted 1, lambo 0 ,
we do not see lambos round here, my brother told me about him seeing it earlier this morning, he remebered the reg plate and i car checked it with iphone app and got the details of engine size. if he wants race number 2 then he can see my dad as his cars alot faster than that

Originally Posted by daddyjob

Originally Posted by Joe Marcon

That's all you needed to put